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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My birth story (very long, possibly triggering) *PIOG* EDIT picture added

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:51 AM
  • 23 Replies

About 2:15 AM September 1 I went to the bathroom and as I was sitting I

heard a small rush of fluid hit the water that was not urine. I reached

down and wiped, and there was a huge chunk of my plug and blood.

Blood kept coming...Not the best thing to see at 35 weeks pregnant. I sat

an quickly calmed myself. Deep breathing, telling myself I and the baby

would be fine. I picked up my phone and called my roommate. I told him

that I needed him downstairs immediately. He got down to the bathroom

really fast. I explained to him as calmly as I could that I was bleeding

and it felt like my water was possibly leaking. I asked him if we could

drive to the hospital faster, or if EMS would be faster, and he said he was

good to drive. I got up and walked to the car slowly. No pain, wasn't

dizzy, I knew all was good for a little while. We pulled into the

emergency room about 15 minutes later, and he went inside and told

them he had a woman in the car who was 35 weeks pregnant and

bleeding. Someone came out with a wheelchair and I was taken in.

After being checked over many times they had no clue why I was

bleeding. I was having contractions 1.5-2 minutes apart for hours. They

decided to admit me to wait. Considering I had 4 previous c-sections I

was more than a little pissed about this. I could tell the baby was large.

After losing Evan 4 yrs ago I was terrified of having another stillbirth. I

was taken to a room and admitted. The days were long and boring.

Hospital bedrest sucks. They would allow me out in a wheelchair several

times a day to try to keep me calm. My mind was absolutly racing and I

was headed quickly toward manic. They had me on keflex for a

suspected UTI, and the more days I had taken it the faster my mind

would go. Their goal was to keep me from checking out. I was having

flashbacks to losing Evan. I can't handle hospitals. I had flashbacks to

losing Donnie. Those days were hell...

Septeber 6 at about 3 AM I walked into the bathroom in my room and had

a repeat of a few days before. I sat down and heard the fluid hitting the

water. When it stopped I put my hand down to check and it was bring

red. I pulled the call string in the bathroom, and ended up with the

sweetest aide in my room. She said "sweetie you sit tight I am going to

go get your nurse". In less than a minute she had returned with her. They

helped me up, and to the bed. Got me on the moniter, found the

heartbeat immediately. I was still bleeding. The amount I saw I knew

there had to be fluid mixed because otherwise I would have been dizzy or

on my butt. I had been having contractions all week, but they began to

intensify. I was in labor there was no question about it. Doctors were

wanting to just keep me on the moniter. No one wanted to get this over

with. My fears of losing the baby got worse. Finally a Doctor came in and

told me they would be doing the c-section at 8:30 AM. I was relieved. I

had no idea what was to come.

I was taken in for surgery...I despise the idea of being put under. I

understood why it was needed for this section and that was the only

reason I had consented. I knew the chances of bleeding out were too high

and I could be signing for my death by refusing. As I was being put under

all I could think about was losing Donnie at the same age I am now, and

losing him to a surgery. The last seconds I was awake I had the worst

fear that those would be my last memories and this would be it. I don't

advise seeing your own death as you are going under...ever. I came to in

recovery, and it was worse than breathing through a straw. Probably

because what they had intubated me with was smaller than a straw. I can

remember seeing my roommate beside me. He looked absolutely

terrified, and I could see he had been crying. He had no idea I was

awake. When I told him later where he was standing he was shocked. He

didn't think I was in there. I was choking on the damn tube. I couldn't

pull half a breath on it. I wanted to punch the nurse who kept telling me

not to fight the tube. I wasn't fighting it, I knew what it was. It was

keeping me from breathing well and setting me off in a panic even

though I knew I was okay.

I was moved from recovery to the SICU. The nurses there were shocked

and outraged that I was wide awake and still intubated. Those precious

ladies started making calls to get that damned thing out of me so I could

breathe. Respritory came and called a few Doctors saying it needed to be

done now the tube was too small. Finally at 9:15 PM it was done. I could

breathe again. After letting me calm for a bit and deep breathe for

awhile the nurses began to explain what had happened in surgery and

what had been done to me. The c-section had gone fine. It was a girl. no

one knew her stats at birth. I found out 2 days later. I asked if a nurse

could get a picture for me and handed her my phone. She came back

with several pictures, and one they had printed out in the NICU. I was

refusing to let go of the picture. She looked so much like Evan had I

didn't know how to handle it.

My ICU nurse explained I had been in surgery from 8:30AM to after 3PM.

After the c-section my uterus began to bleed. It was splitting (I had

expected that). They did a quick hysterectomy and gave me 4 units of

blood. All of this was done before noon. Then the general surgery team

decided to do something more than I had allowed. I knew there had been

a hernia. I have had it for more than 8 years. I had told them before

surgery that if they had to tack it to close (and only if it was causing

issues closing) that would be fine, but nothing extensive, and I wanted no

mesh. They decided to fix every one that they could find. I have mesh

from about my pubic bone to just under my ribs now. That is why I was in

surgery so long, and why they had to intubate me. I was in so much pain I

couldn't even get to the NICU to see my little girl until she was 2 days

old. It has been a week since surgery, and I am still having major issues

moving. I have 5 different incisions on my stomach. They gave me 5

units of blood total during my stay. I will never consent to being put

under ever again. I have even less trust for the medical profession now

than I did going in.

Sorry for the long, disgusting birth story, but sadly that is what has

happened. I just came home yesterday. I am waiting for my baby girl to

be able to come home now too. Maybe then I will be able to forget some

of this. No I will never forget it...maybe it will make it hurt less. I guess

that is the best I can hope for.


by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
catrig
by Platinum Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:58 AM

hugs

AnnieGoolaheey
by Mrs. Annie Proffitt on Sep. 14, 2013 at 1:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow.  I am sorry that happened to you.  Congrats on your new baby girl!

ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:00 AM

*hugs back* I know I am going to be okay I always am. Well maybe not exactly okay but I will find a way to cope. I have a healthy little girl and that means the most to me.

Quoting catrig:

hugs


ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:01 AM

Thank you!

Quoting AnnieGoolaheey:

Wow.  I am sorry that happened to you.  Congrats on your new baby girl!


lucydiamond
by LD on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:03 AM
As a doula, I am appalled by a variety of elements of your birth experience. Hopefully you find peace in your rainbow baby. What did you name her?
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:04 AM

(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic birthing experience BUT


ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:07 AM

Sasha Rose. I actually want to become a doula. I have been trying to find how to get the training for it.

Quoting lucydiamond:

As a doula, I am appalled by a variety of elements of your birth experience. Hopefully you find peace in your rainbow baby. What did you name her?


ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you.

Quoting Sassy762:

(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic birthing experience BUT



Roxanne92
by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:09 AM
Hugs
That's horrible but you're still here that's what counts :)
Congrats on your baby
did you pick a name?
ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Sep. 14, 2013 at 2:11 AM

Sasha Rose

Quoting Roxanne92:

Hugs
That's horrible but you're still here that's what counts :)
Congrats on your baby
did you pick a name?


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