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I'm going to die -EDIT, edit 2

Posted by Anonymous
  • 231 Replies
1 mom liked this

Hello everyone! My name is MEGan and soon enough my body will completly fail me and I will die. I am in a a tough situation to say the least. I don't know why all of this is happening to me short of maybe someone somewhere has a vodoo doll and has put a curse on me???

This might be long and hard to explain but I'll try to start from the beginning.

Back in 2002 I was a single mom of a beautiful 2 year old girl. I worked 3(one full time and 2 part time) jobs making min wage just to pay the bills. Even though I had next to no money (I made sure my girl ate but somedays I would go hungry) I did not qualify for any type of assistance.

That same year I happened to run into  a man who I went to high school with, that I had a crush on in high school. We started dating. About a year later we moved in together and I became pregnant. We moved in with his parents to save money to buy a house. During this time he had a good job as a superintendant of a building company. We bought out house in March of 2005.

Everything in the world seemed right. I was in love with this man , he was a great father to my daughter and now we had a daughter together too. Then I got the call from my dad. He had cancer. Stage 4. He was given 4-6 months to live...he lived for a month and a half. He passed away in June of 2005.

My dad left me an inheritance of about 220k. I was devastated by his death . I would go on drinking binges when the kids were sleeping. One day I got so mad and drunk that I threw all our drinking glasses on the floor. I passed out on the staircase. My life was a mess for a while.

My husband proposed to me in 2006 and we married in 2007. We spent a lot of the money from my dad on the wedding. about 50k. We refinanced our house and put another 50k on that.we paid off van 23k then a few months later had a crash and our insurance was late so we werent coverd so another 9k for repairs. we went on vacations. My husband lost his job but that was ok since we had the money. We kinda lived irrisponsibily but we LIVED.  When the money got low my husband took a job making 12 per hour just to get by.

He had that job for 2 years then got let go. We both became extremely depressed and started usuing drugs. the habbit became worse as all our money ran out and we were usuing needles.

From this point on our life has been a living hell. We lost all our friends, the living family we had left disowned us calling us "worthless junkies". We wanted to be clean but when you are that far gone and everyone has turned their back on you , and the sickness from withdraw (literlally feels like you are dying) it makes it very hard.

Things were going from bad to worse. Our house was going through forclosure, we tried finding jobs with no luck, everything is a mess. Then I get beat up by my brother-in-law, had to be rushed to the hospital. They had to put 9 stiches in my head. I was in severe pain and asked for meds... they said they need to check to make sure I wasnt pregnant....sure enough I WAS! I was only about 2 and a half weeks along. They told me I needed to follow up with an OB DR in a few weeks because it was too early in pregnancy to see if the baby was ok from the attack or not.

I am now 6 months pregnant. I found out by my OB dr that I have a deadly disease, so this is a high risk pregnancy. We have no money, about to be homeless, and after I give birth to this baby I am going to die. I got a part time job doing telemarketing but I cant make it there everyday because we dont have a car.

I have to see 4 different doctors and I still dont know if the baby is going to be healthy or not. .

Even though I know Im going to die I already feel dead inside. I feel terrible for my kids who deserve so much better. I wish things were different but they are not. Every time I try to fix this situation I get more bad news and it gets worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I give up.

I used to do so much good in this world and help out anyone I could but when it was time for someone to help me, everyone had left and doesnt care.




Edit 2 : for all of you making assumptions that I was on herioin you are wrong. my addiction started with prescription pills that were prescribed to me by my dr from a car accident that I almost died in ( like i said earlier there is way more to what I wrote just I didnt know how to organize my thoughts) I was taking them normally at first rhen I would take more because I grew a tolerance to them , then a 'friend' told me how i was wasting it by eating it and showed me all about shooting up pills. while it still doesnt make it any better , i was NOT on herioin. and to make things worse my doctor kept prescribing me these pills even after he KNEW I was abusing them. I thought drs were suposed to help you but I guess they just want your money.

oh and for all the people saying i want a pity party, or something to that affect. where exactly did I say that??? I know I screwed up. I never tried to make excuses for that. what is done is done. I cant change the past, only my future.

and NO I am not currently abusing drugs. I am on a MILD pain med that my high risk OB prescribed

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:09 PM

OMG! Too long to read.  Got bored too fast.  

by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:10 PM
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Make the most of what you have left and prepare for your kids future. Write them letters for milestone events. Im sorry.
by Platinum Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:11 PM
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What disease?
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:12 PM
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I'm not touching this. If it's all true, I wish you all the best.

by Platinum Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:13 PM
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You made some bad choices and now you have to deal with the consequences. That's how life works. It's terribly tragic and my heart breaks for you and your children.
by on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I am so sorry mama.  Here are some hugs

by Platinum Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:13 PM

That's a lot to deal with. I am sorry, things have turned out like they have for you. I would look at your options for your kids after you pass. Hopefully, that won't happen, but it's better to be prepared for it just in case. Do you have a plan on who will take them and raise them? Possibly get int contact with family members and see if all bridges have been burned or if there is still a possibility that they will help you. You may have to do a lot of apologizing, they may not be willing to forgive easily, but you need to at least try for your kids. 

If that isn't an option, get a hold of a case worker or social worker at a hospital. They may be able to help you find resources out there to help with not only your health, but with possible end of life preparations for your kids.

Good luck to you. 

by MotherDucker on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:14 PM

Quoting Punchyobuns:

I'm not touching this. If it's all true, I wish you all the best.

by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:14 PM
Did you get the deadly disease from using needles?
by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2013 at 5:14 PM
You're a hot mess !
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