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Would you leave him? *POLL ADDED*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: Would you allow your husband's poor time management to make you late for something at your child's school?


Yes. As much as it sucks, I'd wait for him.

No. I would leave so someone would be there on time.

Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 161

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My husband has no concept of time.  It's insane.  Yesterday, we were supposed to be at my son's school for something special.  I warned him when we needed to leave in an hour.  He started cooking eggs and toasting bagels.  Taking his dear sweet time.  While he was eating, I said, "We have to leave at 20 till.  You have 30 minutes to get ready."  

Well, the time comes to leave, and he is still in the shower.  My son and his teacher were expecting us at an exact time, and I refused to be late.  I calmly said, "I'm leaving.  I'll take the kids (2 younger ones)."  He got furious.  He was naked and soaking wet.  We had to be at the school in 15 minutes.  He screamed at me that I was acting like a child, and of course, only got more angry when I said, "You can't manage to stick to a simple deadline, and I'm a child?  I have dressed two children, driven them to school, dressed two more children, put them in carseats, and dressed myself.  You can't even take care of yourself!" 

Here's the best part.... "If you leave me, it will be the last time you ever see me!"


1. You can't pack your shit that fast.

2. We have four kids.  Do you honestly think you can just never see me again?

3. If you want to leave me for keeping my word to our son, then so be it.  I'm not letting him down because you don't have your shit together.

So, I left.

He called and told me to come back.  I said that I would drive back down the street and if he was outside and ready, I would pick him up.  Otherwise, I'd keep driving to the school.  He was there.  He got in.  We left.

He screamed at me the whole way to the school and called me a "bitch" and a "moron".  He said that I'm a child.  He said, "I'm so done with you."

Later in the day, he refused to apologize.  My brother was over hanging out with us, so there wasn't any conversation about it after dinner.  He asked me to rub his head while we were watching TV, I looked at him like he'd lost his mind, and he mouthed "I'm sorry".  I laughed and said that whenever he was ready I would accept a real apology- one made in attempt to repair what he did instead of one made to get what he wanted.

I haven't been able to muster the strength to be nice to him.  He's been a real jerk.  He called me horrible names.  He acted like a tyrant.  I lose respect for him as a man by the minute.  He's mad at me for being ugly to him, but I'm not ready to make nice.  He screwed up.  He needs to make the effort to fix it.

I don't think that I'm wrong for being obviously pissed off, and I don't think I was wrong for leaving him.

Do you?

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 21, 2013 at 2:04 PM
Replies (141-143):
by Ruby Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 12:48 PM

And it doesn't cut it because it shouldn't. Hugs, I hope something changes for the better for you. If it's not him changing his attitude maybe it will be you deciding not to deal with it anymore, you deserve so much better.

Quoting Anonymous:

That is exactly as it should be. :)

So far I've gotten a mindless "Sorry" twice as a response to, "You owe me an apology.  Like... a real one.  You need to tell me that you understand what you did and why it wasn't ok."  He doesn't understand why a "Sorry" without glancing away from the TV isn't cutting it.

But it isn't cutting it.

Quoting JTE11:

It WOULD be crazy to kick him out of the car, but that would be because his behavior was so absolutely outrageous and unacceptable I wouldn't want to share immediate space with him. I was just raised to not allow a man to treat me with disrespect and what your DH did to you was detestable. It was about as disrespectful as you can get- calling you horrid names in fromt of the kids because he couldn't bear to have a mistake pointed out to him? That's a man with absolutely no humility, and if he's willing to attack the one person he's supposed to love and support more than any other just because he needed to save face that's disgusting. If you tell him anything he won't do it because he doesn't feel he has to listen to you, about anything.  When you have a spouse who is respectful they don't do that kind of BS on purpose, with the intent to hurt you. In 14 years of marriage neither one of us has managed to call the other horrible names. Mainly because we care about each other even when we're angry and we both agree that it's definitely not OK to take cheap shots just to hurt the other person when we perceive we are 'losing' a discussion. We can bothadmit when we're wrong, and we don't hold grudges, and that alone goes a long way in a relationship. Your DH doesn't strike me as one who can do that, and I'm really sorry. I read your post and got angry for you, because your most beloved person just tried to gut you with words, without a care as to how it would affect the kids, rather than just admit he was wrong in being late.  

Yes, If I told DH to do those things he would do them because he would know that for me to say somethinglike that he would have had to have seriously crossed a line, and he would do what I say, respect my anger, and then we'd talk about it later or the next day when I could explain to him why I was so angry and we'd work through it and move on. There have been times when he's inadvertently made me furious, he didn't understand why I was angry, didn't think I sould be that angry, but respected the fact that I was and apologized, because he cares about my feelings. It's totally different when yoru spouse doesn't want to hurt you then when they don't care if they do. It's respect vs the lack of it. I know different people will put up with different things from their spouses but deliberately trying to hurt me isn't one that I'm OK with.  I hope things get better for you and he does manage to give you a real apology.

Quoting Anonymous:

I hear so many women make these bold statements about what they would do.  I wonder if it is their reality because it certainly isn't mine!

If I pulled over and told him to get out, he would call me crazy and refuse.

If I told him to sleep on the couch, he wouldn't.

If I told him to wash his own damn clothes instead of complaining to me, he wouldn't wash them OR stop complaining about whatever it was.

If you told your husband to leave your house, get out of your car, sleep on the couch, etc... would he actually do it?  Just because you told him to?

Quoting JTE11:

I'd have left him and wouldn't have driven back down the street. A grown man should know how to get ready by a certain time. The fact that he had an adult tantrum about it and got mean about it would have just clinched it for me. I'd have pulled the car over and made him get out if DH had called me names like that.  I don't do 'tyrant'. At all.

by Anonymous 11 on Oct. 2, 2013 at 5:39 AM
Yep that sounds just like my mom and step dad, she's always ready to go an hour before the actual time to go but he's always running around the house trying to get himself together. But since they only have one car she has to wait for him otherwise he doesnt go at all.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think that's nice.  It's just not really applicable to our situation.  I am never late.  He is never on time.

Quoting Anonymous:

My hubby and I both mess up sometimes on when to be somewhere so yea I would definately wait for him. Thats just the way we are with eachother.

by Emerald Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 6:38 AM
I'd have left and I wouldn't have went back for him. Not my fault he can't be ready when he's supposed to
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