so a lil bit of history on the matter. my sons father and i broke up 2 months ago. there were a lot of little things that built up for me which resulted to me leaving our home and going back to moms i.e. i was stressed out, i was sleep deprived due to working 3rd shift, and i think the one that hit me most was my sons father getting custody of his 2 older kids (7 & 8) it was just getting used to this huge adjustment and i was unable to find balance with it all and i think what was most difficult was that he works 16hrs plus a day. i just felt like the whole mother load was all on me and i couldnt find balance.... lol long story short it came to a day where i exploded. i felt like iwas being taken for granted. like i was expected to be iRobot and function on 2hrs worth of sleep and still work all night. i just felt like i kept asking for help since our big adjustment to having the sk but i wasnt being heard. just fyi im in no way complaining of the sk i just needed help to adjust and come to a point where i could find balance with it all.
anyways since kind of giving a light scoop of the situation, yesterday i went to see a medium. mainly because i feel like a lost soul right now. i feel like i have so much going on my plate and i dont know what to take on first. i know right now my son should be my priority and he is. but to be honest the thing that is constantly on my mind is my sons father. i miss him.
any whoo back on the medium, it came to the point during the reading that he pointed out that i feel conflicted on the decision i had made, but that i should learn to trust my gut instinct. he reassured me that taking action on making myself heard was a good thing that putting myself first for once is ok. and i agree. things honestly came to a point where i felt like i was drowning and i kept asking for help and my sons dad would just stand there and say "ok" but would do nothing but watch me struggle.
what im so heart broken about is that the medium told me that my sons father isnt the one for me. that there is someone else but "he" will come when my soul is ready...
sigh.... i really dont know why im writting this. maybe cus i feel really conflicted right now. some words of wisdom, encouragement would be nice..... blah besides the fact that im at work and i literately have 8 hours to mind F*#K myself.... im just so tired of thinking....im tired of feeling so lost.