Dh pays his ex $780 a month for CS. They have 3 DDs together that are 17, 15, and 11. SD17 is a senior so a lot of costs are coming up. We paid for her back to school clothes and we bought her some more stuff this weekend. We're paying for her homecoming/prom stuff (we already agreed to this). For SD15 we agreed to pay for her homecoming stuff also. Not to mention we help pay for any expenses their school sports/activities cost. We take them on trips once every few months (we just went to Six Flags a couple weekends ago).
I think it's fair to say we spend our fair amount, but BM doesn't think so. She asked us to pay for ALL of SD17's senior stuff (cap and gown, pictures, yearbook, etc.) The only "extras" BM really has to pay for after bills is cellphones and since we scrape to get by after paying all our expenses, we told her no. She threw a fit and said we should be helping out as much as we can.
Just to clarify before I'm told to butt out of it, Dh was texting her about this and she mentioned me. She told him if he couldn't afford his first family, he shouldn't have had a second family. He went OFF. We have a 7 mo DS who wasn't even planned, we had plans to have 2-3 kids of our own after SD15 graduated because we know we wouldn't afford it and be able to give the SDs what they need, so we do think of them. We try to do what we can for them. The least BM can do is hold up her end and not try and pull our SDs against us. She's also mad at us for not pulling together a college fund for our SDs but we have one for our DS. We do that because Dh doesn't agree to making a college fund but I do, so I put back every month from the money *I* make.
I don't think BM should even be able to talk about us not contributing. We pay for all this yet the only thing she'll pay for is giving them spending money if they want to go do something. We also went in half on getting SD17's car and we'll do the same for the other 2. We're trying to do what we need to do and more, but she's making our lives hell doing it!