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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How would you explain the sister they never knew they had?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

I had a baby when I was 16 that I placed for adoption. It was an open adoption. She knows who I am. She is 21 now. We do not participate in each others lives (we have spoken on occasion in the past) but there will come a time when we eventually cross paths. I live in a different state now, but I come from a small town and we go back to visit family. She looks just like me, as do my other 2 daughters, it would be hard to pass off as a coincidence. She has expressed a bitterness in the past that I gave her up. I still believe I made the right choice. I explained to her as best I could, I dont know if it really helped or not.

Now I have 2 daughters. One came home the other day and explained how a girl in class was getting made fun of because she was adopted. So we talked about adoption in general. It was a good talk but she ended it with "You would never give up one of your children would you mommy? You love us more than that right?" Holy hell, I almost threw up. My daughter's are 8 and 10. Now what?

 

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MedicMommy2
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:15 AM
1 mom liked this
You tell the truth and why.
lovemymini
by Emerald Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:16 AM
Shame on you for not being open from the get go with them. If its an open adoption what's stopping her from just showing up?? You should tell your daughters ASAP about their sister and be as honest as possible. This is a HUGE secret that WILL back fire if you lie to them.

It really irritates me when people act like an adoption is some dirty little secret.

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3MusketeerMama
by EmmaRye Pie on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to tell them. Especially if there's a possibility your other daughter will talk to them or someone else will tell them before you can. It will be upsetting and confusing but in the long run, less traumatic than if they find out by other means or find out when they are a lot older. Good luck!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:22 AM
1 mom liked this
Be honest. Heres a Bump
Momtimestwo
by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this
HONESTY. All the good parents are doing it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:37 AM
no NOT shame on her. her daughters as she said are 8 and ten not a conversation that could be had before now with them being a younger age now they are getting older and the topic is coming up she is trying to find a way to tell them which means she wants to be honest and as I c it she doesnt see it as a secret she just wants to be careful not to hurt daughters in the process


Quoting lovemymini:

Shame on you for not being open from the get go with them. If its an open adoption what's stopping her from just showing up?? You should tell your daughters ASAP about their sister and be as honest as possible. This is a HUGE secret that WILL back fire if you lie to them.



It really irritates me when people act like an adoption is some dirty little secret.

lovemymini
by Emerald Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:43 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

no NOT shame on her. her daughters as she said are 8 and ten not a conversation that could be had before now with them being a younger age now they are getting older and the topic is coming up she is trying to find a way to tell them which means she wants to be honest and as I c it she doesnt see it as a secret she just wants to be careful not to hurt daughters in the process


Quoting lovemymini:Shame on you for not being open from the get go with them. If its an open adoption what's stopping her from just showing up?? You should tell your daughters ASAP about their sister and be as honest as possible. This is a HUGE secret that WILL back fire if you lie to them.

It really irritates me when people act like an adoption is some dirty little secret.





I'm sorry, last I checked having a sibling that you don't know about because your parent couldn't find a "good" time to tell you in the last 8-10 years is no small thing. There have been loads of opportunities to tell these girls about their sister and explain adoption before now. Explaining adoption isn't like explaining the theory of relativity to someone, its a lot easier.

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vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:45 AM

Tell her why you did it. Be honest. Good luck mama! 

tezell78
by Silver Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 1:52 AM
So I was in the opposite position. Placed a baby at 16. Dd1 never knew even though my daughter I raised was always told the truth. We just told dd1 little over a month ago.
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 23, 2013 at 4:46 AM

Better YOU tell them now rather than wait to late and have this blow up in your face.........

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