This is why I am in favor of forced sterilization for drug addicts.
My mother is a drug addict. She lives on the streets and every dime she gets goes to drugs. I grew up getting dragged around from one crack house to another, living with dealer-of-the-week, or in abandoned cars or on the streets. I was molested and raped by her dealers and even pimped out a few times. I was fifteen when a friend's mother offered to let me live with her. My mother signed her rights away because, frankly, she didn't want me. The amount of money she got from welfare because of me wasn't worth having to actually put up with me. I didn't see her again for 3 years.
3 years of therapy later, I was working my way through college as a receptionist at a free clinic when my mother was brought in because of an overdose. The "friend" that brought her in brought two little kids to my desk and said "These are her kids. Make sure she doesn't get them. She offered them to me for drugs." Apparently, when I left home, she was pregnant and didn't know it and then she got knocked up again a year later. My little sister was three and my brother was one. Long story short, I got custody of my brother and sister. I found out that both of them were born addicted and my mother lost custody of my sister when she was born, because she was an addict but got her back because she went through 30 days of rehab (and was buying crack on day 31, I bet) and parenting classes and whatever else. I don't know and she doesn't remember. So, she gave birth to my brother in a car and left him with another "friend" for a month and got him back later. I don't know if the friend got him the help he needed or what. I'm assuming she did because he lived. I don't know the details of course because she really doesn't know much.
Now I am married and I have two kids of my own (3 and 6 months), plus I still have my sister (8) and my brother (6). Now, my mother has chosen to waltz back into my life. She is 8 months pregnant and wants to know if I want this one too. One one hand, this will be my sibling and I know that she will loose custody because I know she is still doing drugs. On the other hand, my husband and I can barely take care of the kids we have. My husband says that we will manage and he is supportive and he loves my brother and sister. I know that my mother will screw up this child like she did me. I don't want my little brother or sister in foster care and I want him/her to know his/her other siblings. If I take in this baby, she will just keep getting pregnant and expecting me to take care of them. She has been to jail but only spent 2 years and got pregnant with this little one right after.
I don't know what to do.
I spoke to my mother and told her that I will adopt the baby. What else can I do? We'll manage some how. My in-laws are talking about moving closer to us and my mother-in-law said that she will keep the kids for free and do anything she can to help (I love my in-laws! They are great to my kids, and my brother and sister). They have been talking about it for a while and now think that this is a sign that this is where they need to be.
My husband and I decided to offer her $200 if she will tie her tubes and she agreed. The free clinic won't charge for the procedure. The fewer junkies out there popping out babies the better. I took her for a check up and they did blood work and said that, for the most part, she's ok. The baby is a little small but there is no serious damage that they can detect from an ultrasound. They will run more tests after she is born. She thinks that she is about 8 months because she hasn't had a period in 8 months but there is no telling. They have her on prenatal vitamins but I doubt she will take them. We found her a shelter to stay in, because she is living on the street right now, and we don't want to lose track of her and we can't have her and her drugs around us and our kids. She asked to see my kids (not her kids) and I told her no. I did show her pictures though and I told her that I would give her a few pictures. I'm going to make copies at Walmart before I see her again. I'm getting excited. Seeing the baby on ultrasound has gotten me a little excited.
By the way, I'm going to have another little sister!!!
To answer a few questions, my brother and sister (the ones I have already) do have some problems, but, luckily, nothing to serious. I do think she makes an effort to at least eat more and drug less while pregnant. She seemed almost coherent when I talked to her. My sister, Louisa, has some developmental problems but, with therapy, her school hopes to have her on grade level by the time she is in the 4th or 5th grade, at least by middle school. Right now, she is in special education classes. My brother, Shawn, has trouble with reading but is great in math. They both have ADD and Shawn has mild dyslexia. Right now, they are not medicated for the ADD because their special ed teachers know how to teach them without meds. They also both had attachment issues when I got them but I corrected them with lots of love and attention. I took leave from work and the social worker talked me though attachment parenting. Apparently, she didn't know I had the other two kids though. I said something about them and she thought CPS still had them. She doesn't even remember seeing or speaking to me at the clinic when I got the kids. She did say she was glad that they are with me and not with strangers. Don't get me wrong, I will always love my mother no matter what. I guess it is my weakness but she is my mother. I don't condone her behavior, I can't stand to be around her, and I hate the way she keeps popping out kids she won't take care of, and I am still angry as hell for what she put me through as a child, but she will always be my mother. If she wanted to get clean, I would do everything I could to help her. Aside from the money I will give her to tie her tubes (I don't care what she does with it), I will not help her in any way now, or have any kind of relationship, or let her see MY kids (I don't really consider Louisa and Shawn her's to be honest). We're starting the process and I am hoping that everything is going to go well.