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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Needing advice from wiser women...No bashing please. Sorry if its long

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

 

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Question: What should I do?

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STEAR CLEAR!

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I have been separated for a while now and have started working on improving my life. *I separated because through a 5 year marriage, my DH refused to get a job and spent all day getting high and playing videogames with his father. Constant lying about where he was, losing a job due to driving to work drunk etc. We do have a DD together and I am currently pregnant with our second child. I knew I was at my breaking point when I went through a third miscarriage and he told me I didn't understand that he was hurting when I discovered he had stayed the night with an ex of his when he said he had been with a friend fixing a car all night.* Anyway, I have had the chance to see alot of old friends that I went to school with and have made new ones. (Not something my DH allowed during our marriage, his friends were my only friends.) Well, I started talking to someone my uncle introduced me to. This guy grew up in my uncle's house basically childhood friends with my cousins. We have been talking and we get along great. He is also getting divorced and has two kids. I have made it clear that I am looking for friendship atleast until the birth of my child. I dont believe it is okay to start a relationship sexual or otherwise while pregnant with my ex's child. This friend is okay with that. He has told me that he is interested but he has no problem waiting until I am ready. He is caring and makes sure to involve my DD in activities. He has asked if I would want to take her fishing because I havent been in yrs and she has never been. All has been smooth sailing...until last week. Last week, I was invited to a birthday party for my neice and decided to stay the night with my SIL. My ex had been drinking like usual. We got into a fight because I told him I refuse to come back to the relationship. He threw an ashtray at me and started calling me countless names in front of my DD. I had no way to get back home and my parents both had to work late. So I called my friend and asked him to go see if my brother could help me. At 2am my help arrived...it was my friend! He had to work that morning and he made a three and a half hour drive to come help me and my DD. The ride home, I literally spent the 3hrs trying not to cry. TO THE POINT: I knew that I was interested in him from the beginning but I have held back because the pregnancy and the separation. But that night, when he dropped me off...I kissed him. He hugged me because I finally just started crying and saying thank you and when I looked up, I ended up kissing him. So my question is...How does this work from here? I dont have a whole lot of experience in dating. My first boyfriend ended up being my DH. I know, dumb mistake. Dont need to tell me twice! I know he is interested and my uncle and aunt have told me about the kind of guy he is. I just dont know how to do this with children involved and my ex.....Any advice for a novice heart in this world??

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:09 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:14 AM
2 moms liked this

Slow Down. Just be friends for now. You need to get divorced, have your baby and then you can pursue a relationship with him. To become involved now will further complicate  your already seriously complicated life.

BUT I would caution you to take some time to yourself after the baby is born and after the divorce is final. 

You will need time to recoup and adjust to life being a single mom.

                              


                                           


Mychele
by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:14 AM
You're still married and pregnant. Slow down.
csxt99
by Jennifer on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:15 AM

I'd say take it slow.  There is no need to jump into another relationship.  He sounds like a very nice man, but it sounds like you need a friend way more than a lover.  I see nothing wrong with trusting your first instinct and waiting until after your baby is born.

RadnRem
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:15 AM
Slow down.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:18 AM

Thank you for the advice. I know my life is plenty complicated and I plan on starting college after the baby is born. That is something that wasn't even supposed to be thought of during my marriage. :)

4l0v3andart
by on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:20 AM

I would say the best instinct is to go with your heart. There is never a clear cut answer whether to be in relationship or not. A love could grow out of the friendship if you chose to wait, which he seems more than willing. If you chose to wait though makes sure to let him know that you are interested and that there could be something worth waiting for. If the chemistry is right and every interaction is like you are pretty much together then you might as well be dating.

I know its not a clear cut answer but hopefully it gives you something to think about :)

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Just slow down.look at this way, If this guy is your "meant to be" then you two have forever to make it happen. If not, then you've saved yourself another heartache. Enjoy his friendship and see what happens.
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:24 AM

See.....Have your baby, go back to school, get your divorce. It is possible to do all of this. Fix your heart,  your head and your life BEFORE jumpng into another relationship. IF he wants you to be happy he will give you the space and time you need. IF you are meant to be together then it will happen without either one of you forcing the issue.

Good Luck

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you for the advice. I know my life is plenty complicated and I plan on starting college after the baby is born. That is something that wasn't even supposed to be thought of during my marriage. :)


Allinorder
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2013 at 3:39 AM

I would just take it real slow and see where things take you. You are still legally married and pregnant. You need to mend your heart with your ex and get things situated. If the guy really cares for you he will wait.

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