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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Any widows on here?

Posted by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 2:37 AM
  • 16 Replies
My husband was killed April 2011 in a car accident by a drunk driver, i had a daughter that my DH help take care of since she was 3,& a Daughter with DH, right after he was killed I found out I was pregnant, I was scared and I felt alone, but I've really had a great support system, my mother,my whole family & all of my in laws have really been here, sticking together & helping me with anything... We'll I'm having a hard time with things,& I guess this is where I need your advice,

Monday my daughter said " Daddy " for the first time and of course I broke down,she knows who he is because we show her the picture of him,but she could never say "daddy" Wednesday she grabbed the picture off of the table & carried it under the dinning room table,she started having a conversation with the picture,& after that she said " bye bye daddy I love you"& put the picture back, she's gonna start asking about him soon or wondering he's at and I'm just super emotional, I'm not sure what to say to my one year old, I've been crying and depressed all day because I knew this day was coming, today it really hit me that I'm really a single parent, and I'm just soo emotional, I don't know what to do I feel soo bad for my baby, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic & I know I'm all over the place with this but I could really use some advice right now /:
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 2:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2ndtimemom605
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:21 AM
My dad died when I was 2 years old. I have no memory of him AT ALL. I grew up with his photos around,hearing a lot about him etc,but...I never really "missed" him when I was young,I wasn't hugely affected with not having him around. Its been a different story in my adulthood though,its weird how much I think about him now.

All I can say is answer her questions when she has them, talk about him,tell her what facial feature or personality trait she has that he did too,tell her how much he'd be proud of her. She's gonna hurt sometimes and not want to discuss him,backoff when that happens. I'm sorry for your loss,I'm sorry for your children's loss. I wish you luck.
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Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:27 AM

(((HUGS)))

I am so sorry for your loss.

Supervane
by Ruby Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:34 AM
I think there is a widow support group on here
want10more
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:45 AM
1 mom liked this

just tell her daddy is in heaven now, but oh wow he loves you still. you're not being dramatic, hurt just hurts. period. she won't of course know what it means yet, but she will in time. when she sees a pic of daddy, just keep saying, that's your daddy, and he loved you, but he can't be here cuz he's in heaven.

i lost my dad and sis in a car/semi accident, on the way to get her wedding dress fit (she was to be married jan 12) and she was preggo. yeah, so... ugh. but of course, i could REMEMBER my dad and sis.

what i did for my kids? i kept gmpa lon alive.... i talked about him, i cried about him w/ the kids. i said yeah i'm so sad he's gone cuz he would have loved you SO much! i told them stories about him. it made him 'real' to them.

but keep remembering, you're not really a single mom, cuz your inlaws and own family are there for you. YES you have a long road ahead. you have pain ahead yet. but just think, some day you WILL be able to just tell your kids how much you loved him, and how much he loves THEM! the pain is still really fresh. be patient w/ your heart, allow yourself to heal on your own schedule. and your kids will follow your lead.

tc, i'll be thinkin of you.............

MommyKarma
by Ruby Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:24 PM

*HUGS*
I went through similar tragedy. My sons father took his life two years ago, around the same time as your loss. Two very very long and trying years ago. I still can't sleep well some nights. My life has just been so jacked up, everything has gone up in flames. I hope it hasn't been the same way for you. Having a support system is probably the biggest part to it all. My son is 4. He still doesn't know he has a daddy yet I haven't been strong enough to mention him ever to him. I'm waiting until he finally asks something, anything... probably will end up letting it all out in fear and aggravation and sadness and hopelessness and drown him in the process. I'm probably going to scar my kid for life after this. Not prepared at all. I'm kicking around if you ever want to talk.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:25 PM

I wish

Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:30 PM

 I am so sorry.  That has to be a difficult situation.  Here's a BUMP!

leakymommy2
by Gold Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 3:32 PM
So sorry for your loss. You can do it, I believe in you.

Bump.
want10more
by Gold Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 3:18 AM

 oh plz don't wait any longer to introduce daddy to your baby dear. he's almost gonna start school, and alllll the kids will talk about their daddy, if they have one. and he DOES. start by putting out pics of dad. when he asks, just say, that's your daddy that loves you. where is he? oh, he's in heaven now, he got sick in his heart. but he's watching you and loves you SO MUCH! and when you see the pics and start to cry, that's totally ok. just tell him "i am sad that he's gone. it makes me cry. but you are part of him and i'm so glad youre here w/ me". plz let him know that he HAS a daddy, very soon, as soon as your heart will allow. and i'm so very sorry for your loss. how unfair to you and your kids.


Quoting MommyKarma:

*HUGS*
I went through similar tragedy. My sons father took his life two years ago, around the same time as your loss. Two very very long and trying years ago. I still can't sleep well some nights. My life has just been so jacked up, everything has gone up in flames. I hope it hasn't been the same way for you. Having a support system is probably the biggest part to it all. My son is 4. He still doesn't know he has a daddy yet I haven't been strong enough to mention him ever to him. I'm waiting until he finally asks something, anything... probably will end up letting it all out in fear and aggravation and sadness and hopelessness and drown him in the process. I'm probably going to scar my kid for life after this. Not prepared at all. I'm kicking around if you ever want to talk.


 

georgiana5
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 5:50 AM

My Dh committed suicide 9 years ago. The kids were, 8, 6, 4, and 2.

My heart still hurts. I had made him leave and he was so upset. My head knows that wasn't my fault but my heart believes its true.

Things hurt so bad. Walking into a supermarket, there is a song playing we both loved and I just want to sink to the floor and scream. It feels like I can't go on.  Passing the baby aisle.. we couldn't afford nice things for our babies. Now I can and I think how lovely it would of been to buy a new outfit for the children. But they are not children anymore and they can pick out their own stuff.

I could really use a hand with my teenage son. His dad would of kicked his A$$.  I feel like the back up would of been nice. I get angry. I feel like he abandoned us. How am I supposed to do this on my own?

My mum died (also suicide) and I wanted to know every single thing about her. So I always tell storys about their dad and photos up every where. I think it is vital they know about their father. No-one would talk to me about my mum which made her passing worse.

I would tell tell your wee ddarlings as much about him as possible in an age appropriate manner.

So sorry about your loss :((





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