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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

MIL and FIL are not going to stay with us after I have the baby

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 93 Replies

My MIL and FIL want to come stay with us after I have the baby, I am pregnant with our second. They live in Canada and moved there last year when their DD and her DH had to move there for his work. She wants to be able to see her new grandchild and spend time with both of them. I get this and she told me that it is hard for her to see all the pictures on facebook of my mom enjoying being a grandma while she can't.

I guess this is why she told me and DH that she and FIL will be staying with us for 2 weeks after the baby comes. I am not ok with this. I told DH that there was simply no way that this was going to happen. Thankfully he agrees but when we told them, MIL got mad and said we are keeping the kids from them. Well sorry, if you had not chosen to move to Canada they would still be 5 minutes from us. I am due in December, me and DH decided to ask them if they want to stay with us sometime in the spring but apparently that isn't good enough for them and I am a horrible person because I don't want them staying with us. DH also suggested maybe they get a hotel room so they could visit without staying in our home to which they said "why should we spend good money on a hotel when we are there to see y'all?"

I am sure they think they are being helpful by wanting to stay but they aren't. They are the kind of people who think they are helping when really they just make more work. For example, last time they came to stay, MIL made DH birthday cake instead of me buying it. With the ingredients she used, it costed almost as much as  a store bought cake AND I had to clean up the mess but still she acted like she was being such a big help.

I guess I should just be glad that DH is on my side but I can't stand how MIL is being about it.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 27, 2013 at 5:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Sep. 27, 2013 at 5:58 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 27, 2013 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this
My MIL was at my house the day after I had my baby and stayed for a month. I was miserable. Keep to your guns about this.
bluebunnybabe
by Ruby Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:01 PM
14 moms liked this
I never understand why anyone would think someone that just gave birth would want house guests. Glad your husband is with you on this.
LaughCryLive
by Ruby Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:02 PM

I lived with my MIL for 2 months.  -_-


Stick to your guns!

Redwoods_Mama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:02 PM

I read your title and was like "Of course they aren't."  Most MILs aren't helpful... I think they forget what it's like to be postpartum, or just don't give a shit.

 

Besides, you really don't want them travelling in a damn airplane and bringing all those germs into your house in the middle of winter, while you have a brand new baby.  We always get sick when we take a long flight.  ugh.

Sorry MIL.  This is one where the best thing to do is send somethign that will help financially, let the kids know you'll be there if they need you, and come down in the spring to be awesome all over the place.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:02 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting Anonymous:

My MIL was at my house the day after I had my baby and stayed for a month. I was miserable. Keep to your guns about this.

 OMG.

DanaG70
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:03 PM
3 moms liked this

 Maybe compromise rather than flat out telling them they can stay.. Why make them wait until the spring? I can understand them being hurt.

Redwoods_Mama
by Platinum Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:04 PM
3 moms liked this

 


Quoting bluebunnybabe:

I never understand why anyone would think someone that just gave birth would want house guests. Glad your husband is with you on this.

I know.

 

Seriously, if you're not going to clean a bloody bathroom, do laundry, entertain big kids, facilitate mama's nap/shower, make food and clean up the resulting mess, you don't need to be around.  And you only do those things if the mother WANTS YOU THERE. 

People are dumb.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:04 PM

Not sure what to say here.  Maybe they will be different after baby gets here and you can designate what you need them to do on a daily basis?

My MIL is a messy person, too.  I dreaded her coming for a week after my first was born.  But you know what?  She cooked, cleaned, got baby up when I was too tired and it was a Godsend in the end. I wanted her to stay another week!  I was too out of it to care about anything other than the help I was getting (husband had to go back to work when DS was 2 days old). 

ETA at that time Mil was 5 hours away so it wasn't like I saw her all the time, as is your case.

ashwee356
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 6:04 PM
2 moms liked this

Wow, be glad your DH is on your side.

 Your in-laws need to cut the cord and give YOUR new family the space it needs. There is no way in hell I would ever let this fly.

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