So another birthday has passed apparently below the radar. My family of course helped me to celebrate over the miles, and while that is unbelievably appreciated, its not the same as being there with them--the few people who actually *want* to celebrate my birthday with no strings attached. My mother-in-law unceremoniously dumps a rotisserie chicken, peaches, and a chocolate cake thing on the counter when she got home from work and then disappears. I didn't get any acknowledgment from the in-laws side of the family, which is peculiar and out of the norm (they normally send the generic cards, but its an acknowledgement). Several close friends who were at one point and time my everything let the day pass by. One of my sisters in law went out of her way to make me feel like a horrible person. The other went out of her way to make me feel special, which was appreciated more than she knows.
is a little bit of self-pity, mind you, but its also a rather important
question. What am I doing wrong that the people who should be closest
to me do not feel the need to let me know that they remember me and that
I am or have been that important to them? What can I do to change this?
This is not a recent trend, either. More of an everyday normal thing.
No matter how much effort I invest into my relationships and their
special days, I have never seen a return. (Its not like Facebook doesn't
already advertise people's birthdays enough.)
From this information that I have gathered, I can only come to one conclusion. I really am as insignificant as I think I am. Maybe the answer is to stop putting effort into these relationships since they are obviously not what I have built them up in my mind to be.
I have to be doing something tragically, terribly wrong. Maybe I'm not communicating to these people that these are what my needs are.
I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. Except be me and set my self up for disappointment time and again.