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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

So another birthday has passed apparently below the radar. My family of course helped me to celebrate over the miles, and while that is unbelievably appreciated, its not the same as being there with them--the few people who actually *want* to celebrate my birthday with no strings attached. My mother-in-law unceremoniously dumps a rotisserie chicken, peaches, and a chocolate cake thing on the counter when she got home from work and then disappears. I didn't get any acknowledgment from the in-laws side of the family, which is peculiar and out of the norm (they normally send the generic cards, but its an acknowledgement). Several close friends who were at one point and time my everything let the day pass by. One of my sisters in law went out of her way to make me feel like a horrible person. The other went out of her way to make me feel special, which was appreciated more than she knows.

This is a little bit of self-pity, mind you, but its also a rather important question. What am I doing wrong that the people who should be closest to me do not feel the need to let me know that they remember me and that I am or have been that important to them? What can I do to change this? This is not a recent trend, either. More of an everyday normal thing. No matter how much effort I invest into my relationships and their special days, I have never seen a return. (Its not like Facebook doesn't already advertise people's birthdays enough.)

From this information that I have gathered, I can only come to one conclusion. I really am as insignificant as I think I am. Maybe the answer is to stop putting effort into these relationships since they are obviously not what I have built them up in my mind to be.

I have to be doing something tragically, terribly wrong. Maybe I'm not communicating to these people that these are what my needs are.

I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. Except be me and set my self up for disappointment time and again.

by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 4:42 AM
Replies (21-23):
malachitemoon
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:36 AM

I appreciate your kind and thoughtful response to my melodrama. :) (Maybe one or two glasses of wine may have contributed to my morose feelings. These things happen.)


Quoting TrouserMouse:

Birthdays turn into almost "just another day" as you age. People assume that it is not a big deal anymore. Many people don't want a lot of acknowledgement that they are getting older. It isn't anything you are doing or anything that others aren't doing. It is just the way it is.



NiceMom06
by Gold Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Happy Birthday!!!!!

I think its nice your MIL bought something for your b-day. What do you want for a birthday? What will make you happy? I'm not trying to be mean but if you want to have a spa day , go or a party, then plan it yourself. If you want a cake tell your DH, hey next year for my birthday can you get me this kind of cake.
Make it happen, everyone should be happy on their birthday.
malachitemoon
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:59 AM

Thank you! Those are quite useful ideas.


Its not that I want gifts or anything. But I live far away from the vast majority of my closest friends and family and was just feeling sad that a lot of close to my heart ones didn't remember.


Quoting NiceMom06:

Happy Birthday!!!!!

I think its nice your MIL bought something for your b-day. What do you want for a birthday? What will make you happy? I'm not trying to be mean but if you want to have a spa day , go or a party, then plan it yourself. If you want a cake tell your DH, hey next year for my birthday can you get me this kind of cake.
Make it happen, everyone should be happy on their birthday.



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