I cannot have another baby. I was on BC. Shit happens. I'm married (9 years in Nov.) and have two children already. My youngest is 6. We never planned on another. I just went back to work! I put my career on hold for 7 years in the pursuit of my husbands career that moved us around every other year. I have a great job that I just started last month! I cannot have another baby. I CAN'T! I would never have an abortion. And I would never intentionally do anything to try and miscarry. I just want it to go away. I pray that I miscarry. It may sound horrible, but it's how I feel. I'm human. Someone please say you have experienced something similar! PLEASE!
I would just like to thank all of the ladies who have been supportive and understanding. What I am experiencing is a feeling, and a little bit of panic.... completely normal, I see, for those who experience a completely unplanned pregnancy. Thank you for making me feel normal, and a little less guilty for the way I feel.
For those of you who wish for me to have twins, That is no different than me wishing for something you don't want... like a miscarriage. I would never wish anyone to experience what they don't want. So, quite frankly, what makes you any better than me? Nothing! Except that I don't judge? You're not in my shoes. And before you say I came here seeking your opinion? That would be incorrect and I would refer you back to my origial post asking for those who have experienced something similar to please reply. I just needed to know I wasn't alone in this feeling.
With regard to getting my tubes tied... do you know how expensive that is? And insurance doesn't cover it. DH doesn't want a baby either, yet he refused to get a vasectomy that is a fraction of the cost of getting my tubes tied. Yes, I am mad at him right now... because I simply need someone to blame. But, just as I know my feelings about this pregnancy will pass, so too will my feelings about DH's fault (generally speaking) in the matter. AS I said earlier, I am only human. Again, doesn't make me a horrible person.
Thanks again to everyone who shared their stories. I TRULY appreciate it. I feel better already just knowing that this feeling is normal and shall pass.