Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

What would you do?

Posted by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:47 AM
  • 18 Replies

One of my friends (if somebody in this situation can be called friend) called me today telling me that she had a plan. The plan (no please in the equation) was to bring her 3 children (4, 6 and 8 yo) to my house 5:30  to 8:50pm tonight while she'd go to school. I told her that I couldn't do that because of my two final exams and one assignment due today and tomorrow  for my Master's classes. 

Well, she is taking Masters classes, also. Her husband is a doctor  - last month he'd worked 11 days and this month he'd be gone to work 12 days the whole month. My husband is a truck driver over the road, he's gone 3-4 weeks at a time and I have no relatives in the area. I take my classes online so I can be with my kids and I do pay someone to take care of my kids when I really need to be away.

When I started school she told me that online schools don't worth the effort and that I should find a solution to go to school. I told her that it would not work for me because I would not want to bother my friends asking them to take care of my kids when I would not have another solution (and that was the truth!). When she started her Master's program she told me how important it was for her to be in class... I knew how important it was, and I would had been more than happy to be able to do it myself but...

Anyway, after explaining to me how should I organize my study time in order to be able to take care of her kids tonight and my refusal to do so; she decided to call my friend (they know each other but they are not friends, just acquaintances) that is 7 months pregnant to ask her to watch the kids. I thought I would go nuts. 

I just can't understand how people can be like this??!!!

Few other things that bother me really bad:

* I believe in God but I am not going to church for different reasons. She decided to ask my kids if they wanted  to go with them every Sunday morning to the service. I told my kids it was ok if they wanted to and they said yes. Last Sunday my daughter wanted to go to auditions for a Chrismas play during the church hours. When I told my friend that my kids would not go to church she tried making me feel guilty for that (she considers herself  a Christian and everybody around her has to be talked into going to church). 

* once her son started jumping on my living room couches (not expensive chouches, at least not as expensive as theirs but they are the only ones we have... and even though we could buy new ones I prefer to take care of other things in our home before changing the couches) and... instead of telling him to stop she started telling me that she just couldn't tell him to stop because he's a boy and he has too much energy and more than that he would not be allowed to do such a thing in their home...

* another time when they visited my youngest was drawing with craions on an old table that was very easy to clean with a wipe and sanitizer; my friend asked if that was ok and I told her that it was ok to do that ON THE TABLE... well she allowed her kids to draw not only on my table but on my walls... when I saw what they did (I had been preparing some snaks in the kitchen) she said... "I thought you said it was ok..." As a side note: her husband freaked out when their son drew few lines on a closet door in his room with some crayola I got him as a present. Back then she told me her husband was working really hard for everything they had.

* one time I was in the park with her and another friend of hers. her friend had a 6mo baby in a stroller well, the same boy started pushing the stroller on few steps along the alley. What did my friend do? NOTHING! The baby's mom started explaining her son's that it was dangerous to do so and took the stroller. Only then my friend said "ok, K, you are such a brave mom, I would have gone nuts if I were you".

The kids are smart and pretty but they are allowed to do whatever because the mom is literally afraid of them; of telling them what to do and when... She's always trying to take them places just to avoid spending time alone with them when her husband is working.

Many times I tried to end up any kind of relationship with her but she would always find ways to reconect (the last time she found out what time I take my kids to their swimming classes and she registered for the same classes).

In a normal situation I would have helped her but with 2 exams and one assignment in 2 days (one exam is Statistics :( ), my two kids and a dog... the last thing I need is to take care of 3 more kids; plus... she has a class not an exam is not a big deal if she skips one class... 

What would you do with such a "friend"?
 


by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 11:47 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
2m2t
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:00 PM

nobody has any opinion? :(

2m2t
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:02 PM

I have been trying to make her understand that these things are bothering me without making her feel bad. Now I am to that point where I am really tempted to tell her exatly how I feel in this situation.

wonderstruck11
by on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I would probably not speak to her again.
2m2t
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:32 PM


I tried that but doesn't work...

Quoting wonderstruck11:

I would probably not speak to her again.



CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:36 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't think there really is a nice way to do it.  It sounds like she is latching on to people and may even be lonely, but she also sounds a bit out there.  If your prior attempts at subtley telling her that things bother you or you don't want to hang out or take care of her kids didn't work, then you may have to be blunt and honest with her. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:43 PM
2 moms liked this

I had a friend like that, I stopped answering the door, and the phone.

2m2t
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:45 PM


re-reading my post, I do realize that this would be the only way. I have called my husband to talk to him about it and he says that he is mad with her trying to make me feel guilty for not sending the kids to church last Sunday...

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I don't think there really is a nice way to do it.  It sounds like she is latching on to people and may even be lonely, but she also sounds a bit out there.  If your prior attempts at subtley telling her that things bother you or you don't want to hang out or take care of her kids didn't work, then you may have to be blunt and honest with her. 



CorpCityGrl
by Platinum Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:49 PM


Yeah I would be mad too at this friend.  She shouldn't be making you feel guilty for anything.  Nor should you feel guilty for not sending them to church.  You yourself do not go and you allowed your kids this experience, but that doesn't mean that they HAVE to be there every Sunday - especially if there are prior commitments.  The simple fact that she makes you feel guilty for MANY things is ridiculous.  You are a mom and are busy just like she is.  Her being fearful of her kids and confronting them is not your problem - that is hers. 

Quoting 2m2t:


re-reading my post, I do realize that this would be the only way. I have called my husband to talk to him about it and he says that he is mad with her trying to make me feel guilty for not sending the kids to church last Sunday...

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I don't think there really is a nice way to do it.  It sounds like she is latching on to people and may even be lonely, but she also sounds a bit out there.  If your prior attempts at subtley telling her that things bother you or you don't want to hang out or take care of her kids didn't work, then you may have to be blunt and honest with her. 





vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:50 PM

She sounds like the type that you'll just have to flat ass tell her. 

2m2t
by Silver Member on Oct. 3, 2013 at 12:51 PM


We live in a small city and we can meet in different places (stores, parks, gym etc) and we also have common friends. She is not a mean person but she doesn't think about how her actions can impact other people... Anyway, we meet to the gym every Saturday morning for our kids' swimming classes. My oldest daughter is getting ready to join the YMCA's swimming team and at her level there is only one class... so, unfortunately,  I can't change the time of her class. My friend won't change the time because "we need to get together more often and swimming classes are a good excuse"  :(.

I feel like we need to move 300mi away... :(

Quoting Anonymous:

I had a friend like that, I stopped answering the door, and the phone.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN