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I think my husband is trying to control me...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

Has anyone been in a relationship where your SO is controlling? If so tell your stories or signs that they are being controlling?

I think my SO is trying to control me, and I am getting very tired of it. He is a very good father, provider, this is why I have not left. Here's a list of what he does:

- he does not let me go out alone meaning kids got to be with at all times unless he is with me.

-he wants to know who I am texting talking to when he is home

-he is very jealous

- I feel like he manipulates me example; I told him I was getting a job or going back to school, he would say he is fine with it. But when I start he complains and is always mad when I get home

- When ever we argue and tell him I am tired and want to leave he magically gets sick. or he changes for a few months and goes back to his jealous ways.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:35 AM

Am I over reacting?

sexymamma20
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:40 AM

 my exhusband was controlling. He had to know where I was at all times who I was texting or talking to, he tried to tell me what I couldnt wear, told me what I couldnt do, He controlled everything about my life. He degraded me and made me hate myself. I couldnt hang out with friends so I lost them all. I thought I loved him so I stayed. He eventually became physically abusive and thats where I drew the line and I left. Best thing I could have done

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:43 AM
good for you, getting out of that situation. Mine is not as bad, but Im afraid it will get there.
Quoting sexymamma20:

 my exhusband was controlling. He had to know where I was at all times who I was texting or talking to, he tried to tell me what I couldnt wear, told me what I couldnt do, He controlled everything about my life. He degraded me and made me hate myself. I couldnt hang out with friends so I lost them all. I thought I loved him so I stayed. He eventually became physically abusive and thats where I drew the line and I left. Best thing I could have done


imandia4
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:49 AM

 Yep. Tell him to fuck off. And approach you when he is ready to be real. Let him know you will not tolerate that shit.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:53 AM
I have and I have also left but always come back. I think he is so sure that If I leave again I will come back, and I am just tired of playing games and I have told him. but like I said he acts good for a couple of months and then starts again.
Quoting imandia4:

 Yep. Tell him to fuck off. And approach you when he is ready to be real. Let him know you will not tolerate that shit.


chicklopez
by ItsFunnierInEnochian on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:53 AM

 Yes, controlling.

With my ex, if I ever mentioned something he didnt like or agree with, and he felt strongly about it, he would throw a fit. He would hit something, or throw something in anger, more of a distraction than anything else. He would burst into tears if I mentioned leaving him. He would threaten me, then beg me to stay in the same breath.

He is manipulating you hard core.

With my MIL, I have better examples. Cold shoulder technique, (she will only show affection or acknowledgment IF you give in to her). When we didnt want to move in with her, she would corner my SO and tell him over and over if we didnt live together, we wouldnt be able to afford rent. She would tell him he would have to have his kids in a hotel, which was his worst fear. She would make deals with him, then convince him he should present the idea to me, as HIS idea.

She would randomly burst into tears when she saw me, say in passing she feels like a waste of a person, that she is pathetic and needs someone to help her, say she should just move back to _____where she used to live and die alone, that we obviously didnt really love her because we didnt want her with us, that she would be homeless, and have to give up her cats, say she wishes she could just run her car off the road and die.

The cold shoulder was her favorite. And the divide and conquer strat was also in her top arsenal.

Im not saying he does the above, or that, if he doesnt, he isnt being controlling/manipulative, Im just hoping you can see some of these behaviors in him.

imandia4
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:56 AM

 Nip it once he starts again. Keep his ass in check. If you are fed get out of there.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have and I have also left but always come back. I think he is so sure that If I leave again I will come back, and I am just tired of playing games and I have told him. but like I said he acts good for a couple of months and then starts again.
Quoting imandia4:

 Yep. Tell him to fuck off. And approach you when he is ready to be real. Let him know you will not tolerate that shit.


 

sexymamma20
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:57 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

good for you, getting out of that situation. Mine is not as bad, but Im afraid it will get there.
Quoting sexymamma20:

 my exhusband was controlling. He had to know where I was at all times who I was texting or talking to, he tried to tell me what I couldnt wear, told me what I couldnt do, He controlled everything about my life. He degraded me and made me hate myself. I couldnt hang out with friends so I lost them all. I thought I loved him so I stayed. He eventually became physically abusive and thats where I drew the line and I left. Best thing I could have done


My advice talk to him about how you feel because he might not even realize he is doing it. Good luck and I hope it turns out good
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 3:59 AM

 

I can, not as extreme though. I mean he does slam doors and punches holes in walls.

Quoting chicklopez:

 Yes, controlling.

With my ex, if I ever mentioned something he didnt like or agree with, and he felt strongly about it, he would throw a fit. He would hit something, or throw something in anger, more of a distraction than anything else. He would burst into tears if I mentioned leaving him. He would threaten me, then beg me to stay in the same breath.

He is manipulating you hard core.

With my MIL, I have better examples. Cold shoulder technique, (she will only show affection or acknowledgment IF you give in to her). When we didnt want to move in with her, she would corner my SO and tell him over and over if we didnt live together, we wouldnt be able to afford rent. She would tell him he would have to have his kids in a hotel, which was his worst fear. She would make deals with him, then convince him he should present the idea to me, as HIS idea.

She would randomly burst into tears when she saw me, say in passing she feels like a waste of a person, that she is pathetic and needs someone to help her, say she should just move back to _____where she used to live and die alone, that we obviously didnt really love her because we didnt want her with us, that she would be homeless, and have to give up her cats, say she wishes she could just run her car off the road and die.

The cold shoulder was her favorite. And the divide and conquer strat was also in her top arsenal.

Im not saying he does the above, or that, if he doesnt, he isnt being controlling/manipulative, Im just hoping you can see some of these behaviors in him.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 4:02 AM

 

I have talked to him, but he is in denial. He says I think that because I don't love him anymore. Truth is I don't he is pushing me away, and its been 9 years of this.

Quoting sexymamma20:

Quoting Anonymous:

good for you, getting out of that situation. Mine is not as bad, but Im afraid it will get there.
Quoting sexymamma20:

 my exhusband was controlling. He had to know where I was at all times who I was texting or talking to, he tried to tell me what I couldnt wear, told me what I couldnt do, He controlled everything about my life. He degraded me and made me hate myself. I couldnt hang out with friends so I lost them all. I thought I loved him so I stayed. He eventually became physically abusive and thats where I drew the line and I left. Best thing I could have done


My advice talk to him about how you feel because he might not even realize he is doing it. Good luck and I hope it turns out good


 

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