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What do you do when you don't like your child? *Info added.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 166 Replies

**I really appreciate all of the advice that you ladies are giving. I wanted to clarify the food issue, since many moms have commented on it. I do not force my kids to clear their plates or eat things they do not enjoy. He was lying about the food on his plate because he wanted to get ice cream after dinner. He knows that he doesn't have to eat everything, but in my house, if you want dessert after dinner, you do need to eat a reasonable portion of your actual dinner. Also, just to save some of you the effort of typing how normal it is for kids to lie... I know this. I have worked with children since I was old enough to work, it is what I do for a living. I know that kids lie, tell stories, embellish, etc. However, the frequency in which he lies and the things he lies about is not normal. The degree of how deceitful he tries to be is not typical, and the fact that you cannot reason with him and how he doesn't respond to punishment is not normal. He's 7, not 2.**

I love my son to death, believe me, I do. His personality really leaves something to be desired, though.

DS7 isn't a *bad* kid. He doesn't intentially hurt people or lash out, break things or anything like that. But he is becoming extremely deceitful. The day before yesterday, he had some potatoes on his plate. I split them up, telling him he had to eat one of the portions if he wanted dessert. Instead, he pushed them back together and said "I ate it!". I knew he was trying to trick me, so I gave him one more chance to actually eat it (it was about 2 or 3 bites), and he tried to lie to me again, so he went straight to bed. Last night, the same thing with green beans. Instead, he threw about half of them away in the garbage can in my bathroom, instead of the kitchen, so that I wouldn't see. He's a terrible liar so I knew right away... I found the discarded ones and then sent him to bed.

He is always doing shit like this, trying to be deceitful. Not just with dinner, but in general. I honestly cannot believe a word out of his mouth because he lies so damned much, and I hate that. I don't want to assume that when he tells me about his day at school that he is lying, but I have to because he usually does! He'll tell me whole stories about how they went on a field trip, but they didn't go anywhere. And when I ask him why he is making up stories, he still tries to pass it off like a truth. You can't reason with him. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows he is lying, but then he'll go and do something intentionally deceitful so I know he knows what he is doing.

I don't let him get away with lying, but he does it anyway. He doesn't care about being punished. Both of his brothers are so respectful - I don't know why he acts this way. I'm struggling to determine if maybe he has some sort of disorder (he has other learning disabilities as well), or if he is just that kind of person.

I love him, love him, love him. But at the same time, I hate being lied to, it's my biggest pet peeve. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:54 AM

BUMP!

MayBeeIAm
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Counseling
Brenna
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:55 AM
5 moms liked this

Sounds like he is being a kid.

Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:59 AM
15 moms liked this

He's a kid, kids lie.

First lay off about the dinner.  Quit making a big deal about it - food is food, either he eats or not, it is his decision.   The more you "force" him, the worse it will get.  It's not about the food, this is a power struggle between you and him.

For the day at school, "lead" the conversation. Don't make a huge deal out of the stories, just calmly tell him, "no, I know you didn't go on a field trip, why don't you tell me about lunch or recess or something else instead."  Big point - be CALM.  He's doing it to get attention!  Don't give in to that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I know it doesn't sound like anything abnormal when I describe it, but it really isn't "normal" kid lies. I have three children, plus I've worked with kids for a long while so I know the usual lies and behaviors when they are trying to get away with something or entertain you. This is truly something different, though. It's like, you've caught him in the lie, and he is still trying to lie his way out of it. He has no reasoning. He also has no remorse. 

Quoting Brenna:

Sounds like he is being a kid.


Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:59 AM
2 moms liked this

You say he doesn' tcare about being punished, so I gotta ask, what are the consequences for the behavior? It may just not be harsh enough. If you're just sending himn to bed early, well, no wonder he doesn't care.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM

Well, I don't force him to eat food, he never *has* to clear his plate. However, he wanted dessert, and he doesn't get dessert if he doesn't eat some of the dinner. He could very well be doing it for attention, though... that was our first assumption. We have two other kids, so I try to carve more time out that is just for him... he comes grocery shopping with me without his brothers, things like that. It isn't making a difference yet, but we're keeping at it. 

Quoting Not_A_Native:

He's a kid, kids lie.

First lay off about the dinner.  Quit making a big deal about it - food is food, either he eats or not, it is his decision.   The more you "force" him, the worse it will get.  It's not about the food, this is a power struggle between you and him.

For the day at school, "lead" the conversation. Don't make a huge deal out of the stories, just calmly tell him, "no, I know you didn't go on a field trip, why don't you tell me about lunch or recess or something else instead."  Big point - be CALM.  He's doing it to get attention!  Don't give in to that.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM

We've tried everything short of hitting the child, lol. We started with time outs, which were wholly ineffective. He no longer has any of his electronics (his brothers have tablets and DS'es... he has lost his until he turns himself around.). He doesn't get TV or video game time when he lies, and when we go out for ice cream or treats like that, he doesn't get any (that, so far, is the most effective punishment).

Quoting Leissaintexas:

You say he doesn' tcare about being punished, so I gotta ask, what are the consequences for the behavior? It may just not be harsh enough. If you're just sending himn to bed early, well, no wonder he doesn't care.


Mamie_85
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM

 this, exactly. kids lie. it's an actual phase they go through. they either lie to get away with something, like at dinner. or it's a story telling lie, to make themselves sound more interesting or impressive. both are normal.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

He's a kid, kids lie.

First lay off about the dinner.  Quit making a big deal about it - food is food, either he eats or not, it is his decision.   The more you "force" him, the worse it will get.  It's not about the food, this is a power struggle between you and him.

For the day at school, "lead" the conversation. Don't make a huge deal out of the stories, just calmly tell him, "no, I know you didn't go on a field trip, why don't you tell me about lunch or recess or something else instead."  Big point - be CALM.  He's doing it to get attention!  Don't give in to that.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:08 AM
2 moms liked this
Dd ent through a phase if lieing. I knew sh was. I finally told her if you keep lieing I'm not ever going to believe you. And when she needs help I won't help because I won't believe her. And gave examples like if hungry .ir thirsty I won't think she is so I won't give her anything.
The a few times I told her I didn't believe her. She is an emotional kid so this devastated her. It stopped and she hasn't done it since.

Be creative. You have to play the game with him and out smart him
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