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What do you do when you don't like your child? *Info added.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

**I really appreciate all of the advice that you ladies are giving. I wanted to clarify the food issue, since many moms have commented on it. I do not force my kids to clear their plates or eat things they do not enjoy. He was lying about the food on his plate because he wanted to get ice cream after dinner. He knows that he doesn't have to eat everything, but in my house, if you want dessert after dinner, you do need to eat a reasonable portion of your actual dinner. Also, just to save some of you the effort of typing how normal it is for kids to lie... I know this. I have worked with children since I was old enough to work, it is what I do for a living. I know that kids lie, tell stories, embellish, etc. However, the frequency in which he lies and the things he lies about is not normal. The degree of how deceitful he tries to be is not typical, and the fact that you cannot reason with him and how he doesn't respond to punishment is not normal. He's 7, not 2.**

I love my son to death, believe me, I do. His personality really leaves something to be desired, though.

DS7 isn't a *bad* kid. He doesn't intentially hurt people or lash out, break things or anything like that. But he is becoming extremely deceitful. The day before yesterday, he had some potatoes on his plate. I split them up, telling him he had to eat one of the portions if he wanted dessert. Instead, he pushed them back together and said "I ate it!". I knew he was trying to trick me, so I gave him one more chance to actually eat it (it was about 2 or 3 bites), and he tried to lie to me again, so he went straight to bed. Last night, the same thing with green beans. Instead, he threw about half of them away in the garbage can in my bathroom, instead of the kitchen, so that I wouldn't see. He's a terrible liar so I knew right away... I found the discarded ones and then sent him to bed.

He is always doing shit like this, trying to be deceitful. Not just with dinner, but in general. I honestly cannot believe a word out of his mouth because he lies so damned much, and I hate that. I don't want to assume that when he tells me about his day at school that he is lying, but I have to because he usually does! He'll tell me whole stories about how they went on a field trip, but they didn't go anywhere. And when I ask him why he is making up stories, he still tries to pass it off like a truth. You can't reason with him. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows he is lying, but then he'll go and do something intentionally deceitful so I know he knows what he is doing.

I don't let him get away with lying, but he does it anyway. He doesn't care about being punished. Both of his brothers are so respectful - I don't know why he acts this way. I'm struggling to determine if maybe he has some sort of disorder (he has other learning disabilities as well), or if he is just that kind of person.

I love him, love him, love him. But at the same time, I hate being lied to, it's my biggest pet peeve. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Replies (161-166):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:23 AM

That's the problem, and what really concerns me - there is literally nothing that phases him. I mean, I've honestly tried punishing him in every way I could think of, short of getting physical with him (we don't do that, lol). He genuinely doesn't care what you do... I've taken away every privelege, his toys and electronics, made him stay behind on family outings like Chick E Cheeses (for his more serious lies)... he rationalizes a reason to not care about any punishment. It's almost spiteful how he does that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

He's just a normal kid. Some listen, some don't. He's probably just testing you to see what he can get away with. If he doesn't care about being punished, maybe reevaluate his punishment. There has to be something he loves to do that he can be grounded from? Explain to him that if he lies all the time no one will believe him when he's telling the truth. Or do what I do, tell him a lie that you will have to admit you lied about. Nothing that will destroy him for life, but just enough so he will call you out on it and then tell him that's how you feel when he lies to you. Too harsh?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Didn't work, he lied to me right through the bars. 

Quoting thetrollcat:

lock them in cages


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:25 AM

I have three children... I do not intend on having more kids anyway, lol. Thanks for the fantastic advice, though. Because, yeah, I've worked with kids my entire life, it is my job to know kids at work and to know kids at home, so I obiviously have no clue how kids act....

Quoting drowningmama:

If you cant handle these situations then I suggest you dont have any more kids. Really? He is being a kid!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:28 AM

He is a middle child... I joke to DH that the Middle Child Syndrome has to be a real thing, lol. 

I thought that maybe he harbors some jealousy towards his older brother especially... older brother is handicapped so he requires a lot of attention. So for about the last year or so, we've been really trying to focus on giving him more one-on-one attention. He loves to come with me on all of my errands, so we do that as a way to spend time together and so that we can just talk, him and me. It's not helping so far, though, but we are trying to be very adamant about giving him that attention. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like a middle child trying to get attention.  Is he, a middle child I mean?  Mine did random things like this for a while, and it seemed like no matter how much attention she got it wasn't enough. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I appreciate your understanding, it makes me feel a little less crazy after reading through these other responses, lol. DH and I have both sat down and explained how it hurts our feelings when he lies and how it makes people upset when he tries to trick us. It hasn't had much effect, unfortunately, but we still try.

Quoting Aimers55:

I can understand. If this is happening all day everyday it's more than just "being a kid". It's taking the fun out of your day.

You shouldn't have to battle him so much.

Have you tried explaining to him how it makes you feel when he does this?

My mom said to me several times when I was 13 that she loved me more than anything but sometimes didn't like the stuff I did or how I was acting.

I didn't really get that until my own kids. I will always love them but when they are pushing your buttons all day over little stuff, you don't like that.

I'm a firm believe than there are very few bad behaviors that we should just chalk up to "being a kid".

People will say that will their kid is rude, but it's never ok to be rude. Sure, it happens but it should still be addressed never let go over "just because they are only 3".

My suggestion would be to stop worrying about the lying at this point and start rewarding him when he tells the truth! Try approaching it from that direction!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 24 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:57 PM

 


Quoting Anonymous:

I should probably revise the original post, because I've had to say this like 15 times, lol.

I do not force him to eat dinner, ever. He knows that he does not have to eat. However, he wanted sweets after dinner and, yes, if you want sweets, you need to eat your regular dinner... I don't think it's unreasonable to not give him ice cream if he doesn't eat his actual dinner, do you?

He very frequently exercises his right to not eat what I make, lol. He knows that if he doens't like dinner, he can have fruit. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Your biggest mistake is forcing him to eat what's put in front of him. I have never understood why parents do that. They force kids to eat food they don't want or like & they either make the kid sit at the table until they do eat some of the food, or send them to bed as punishment.

Every parent that pulls this kind of shit has food likes and dislikes of their own, yet they play the hypocrite by forcing their kids to eat food they dislike. It's a freaking joke and it's not something kids ever forget.

Not a good way to raise a child to be a loving & happy child in my books as parents who force kids to eat turn dinnertime which should be a time to gather as a family & enjoy each others company, into a time many kids dread. What's worse is the parents will suffer via their stupidity & stubborness with behavior problems for years to come.

 

Your second biggest mistake is having sweets available after dinner. If sweets, ice cream etc. were limited to special occasions only, you wouldn't be having the "no you can not have ice cream if you don't eat your dinner" arguments with your son & he wouldn't be misbehaving/sneaking etc. to get the sweets he knows are always there.

 

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