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What do you do when you don't like your child? *Info added.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

**I really appreciate all of the advice that you ladies are giving. I wanted to clarify the food issue, since many moms have commented on it. I do not force my kids to clear their plates or eat things they do not enjoy. He was lying about the food on his plate because he wanted to get ice cream after dinner. He knows that he doesn't have to eat everything, but in my house, if you want dessert after dinner, you do need to eat a reasonable portion of your actual dinner. Also, just to save some of you the effort of typing how normal it is for kids to lie... I know this. I have worked with children since I was old enough to work, it is what I do for a living. I know that kids lie, tell stories, embellish, etc. However, the frequency in which he lies and the things he lies about is not normal. The degree of how deceitful he tries to be is not typical, and the fact that you cannot reason with him and how he doesn't respond to punishment is not normal. He's 7, not 2.**

I love my son to death, believe me, I do. His personality really leaves something to be desired, though.

DS7 isn't a *bad* kid. He doesn't intentially hurt people or lash out, break things or anything like that. But he is becoming extremely deceitful. The day before yesterday, he had some potatoes on his plate. I split them up, telling him he had to eat one of the portions if he wanted dessert. Instead, he pushed them back together and said "I ate it!". I knew he was trying to trick me, so I gave him one more chance to actually eat it (it was about 2 or 3 bites), and he tried to lie to me again, so he went straight to bed. Last night, the same thing with green beans. Instead, he threw about half of them away in the garbage can in my bathroom, instead of the kitchen, so that I wouldn't see. He's a terrible liar so I knew right away... I found the discarded ones and then sent him to bed.

He is always doing shit like this, trying to be deceitful. Not just with dinner, but in general. I honestly cannot believe a word out of his mouth because he lies so damned much, and I hate that. I don't want to assume that when he tells me about his day at school that he is lying, but I have to because he usually does! He'll tell me whole stories about how they went on a field trip, but they didn't go anywhere. And when I ask him why he is making up stories, he still tries to pass it off like a truth. You can't reason with him. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows he is lying, but then he'll go and do something intentionally deceitful so I know he knows what he is doing.

I don't let him get away with lying, but he does it anyway. He doesn't care about being punished. Both of his brothers are so respectful - I don't know why he acts this way. I'm struggling to determine if maybe he has some sort of disorder (he has other learning disabilities as well), or if he is just that kind of person.

I love him, love him, love him. But at the same time, I hate being lied to, it's my biggest pet peeve. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Replies (31-40):
spooky415
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:06 AM
My son tries to fib to get out of shit all the time. I just make it very clear that I don't believe him.

I have a cousin that lies CONSTANTLY. We thought it was just a stage...it wasn't. Or if it is its the longest stage EVER. Like, six years. And as she gets older, her lies become more mature. She makes up very elaborate stories, characters, all kinds of stuff. She doesn't BELIEVE it but she wants others to. She a VERY unhappy person. All she has is the people she's fabricated. She's lost all of her friends-either bc they don't trust her and got sick of hearing her stories or bc their parents were disturbed and worried she would use their family as the root of a story. She's not malicious in her lies-they're all to make herself look more important or desirable-but they do tend to be very adult in nature and parents worry that their kids will get involved.

She's in counseling now but they still can't find out WHY she does it. Her mother does the same thing too. So idk if she knows her mother is lying and thinks its normal or what...or if its some type of psychological thing.
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N_maricle
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:06 AM

When you catch him in a lie, send him to time out and take away his favorite priveledges, such as video games or TV. Have a long talk about the importance of telling the truth and make sure he knows why he got in trouble.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:08 AM
I think you are overreacting.
My niece lies ALL the time plus she steals staff, especially from people's purses, makes my DD do staff for her and then gets my DD in trouble for them. Her parents and grandparents think that she is adorable, and laugh when she does it. Your DS sounds like an angel compare to her.
N_maricle
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:08 AM


That reminds me of my niece. She makes up stories that are violets about family members! Like the time she was telling everyone her dad kicked her in the face with his steel toed boots! They are afraid people are going to believe her.

Quoting spooky415:

My son tries to fib to get out of shit all the time. I just make it very clear that I don't believe him.

I have a cousin that lies CONSTANTLY. We thought it was just a stage...it wasn't. Or if it is its the longest stage EVER. Like, six years. And as she gets older, her lies become more mature. She makes up very elaborate stories, characters, all kinds of stuff. She doesn't BELIEVE it but she wants others to. She a VERY unhappy person. All she has is the people she's fabricated. She's lost all of her friends-either bc they don't trust her and got sick of hearing her stories or bc their parents were disturbed and worried she would use their family as the root of a story. She's not malicious in her lies-they're all to make herself look more important or desirable-but they do tend to be very adult in nature and parents worry that their kids will get involved.

She's in counseling now but they still can't find out WHY she does it. Her mother does the same thing too. So idk if she knows her mother is lying and thinks its normal or what...or if its some type of psychological thing.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:11 AM

I dont know I sometime hate my kid to

2kids2dogs2cats
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:13 AM

Really stop with the food, either he eats it or he doesn't, it can lead to serious food issues down the road.  Now I am the owner of a little fibber myself, when he starts to tell me a story, I say is this a fib or a fact?  If i find out it is a fib, there will be no TV, DS, park whatever for xx number of days.

You have to figure out what his triggers are, what is his favorite thing to do?  A fib, well none of that for 2 days, another fib, a week.  If you are really concerned you might want to take him to a counselor, but I think almost all 7 year olds go through this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:14 AM

That is the whole point...lying IS hurtful.  I'm a firm believer that unless you walk in the other person's shoes, you won't ever gain true empathy for that person.


Quoting Anonymous:

 That's just hurtful.  He's 7, and you are the parent.  How about a reward system where if he goes a week without lying, you will take him for ice cream?  Or start him on an allowance and then when he is caught in a lie, charge him a quarter.  Just focus on correcting the behavior.  The empathy will come.  Some kids are naturally more sensitive and empathic than others.  Doesn't mean he is destined for horrible behavior problems as a teen or adult. 

Also, I would get him a journal and when he starts with the stories, have him write about it.  Read it together.  Let him know how you know he is not being truthful but praise his creativity.  Maybe he'll just needs a positive outlet to create all those stories.   

Quoting Anonymous:

I just might try that, actually. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Tell him, "hurry up and get in the car!  We're going to the movies and then out for ice cream!"  Have him get ready and waiting in the car, then go out and say, "I lied.  We really aren't going out."  Then tell him how lying makes everyone feel like crap.






Kaelaasmom
by Katie on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:15 AM

 Counseling.

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spooky415
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:16 AM
My cousin mostly makes up stuff about dating. Like, when she was in 6th grade she told everyone she was dating a guy named Jack in high school. He played football and used to date a cheerleader. He wanted her to convert to Christianity and go to church but it was hard because she's pagan (she's not pagan, she was just watching Vampire Diaries and liked the witch character).

Her "boyfriend" was literally ripped off of a character from Secret Life.

All of her stories are based off of stories or songs.


Quoting N_maricle:


That reminds me of my niece. She makes up stories that are violets about family members! Like the time she was telling everyone her dad kicked her in the face with his steel toed boots! They are afraid people are going to believe her.


Quoting spooky415:

My son tries to fib to get out of shit all the time. I just make it very clear that I don't believe him.

I have a cousin that lies CONSTANTLY. We thought it was just a stage...it wasn't. Or if it is its the longest stage EVER. Like, six years. And as she gets older, her lies become more mature. She makes up very elaborate stories, characters, all kinds of stuff. She doesn't BELIEVE it but she wants others to. She a VERY unhappy person. All she has is the people she's fabricated. She's lost all of her friends-either bc they don't trust her and got sick of hearing her stories or bc their parents were disturbed and worried she would use their family as the root of a story. She's not malicious in her lies-they're all to make herself look more important or desirable-but they do tend to be very adult in nature and parents worry that their kids will get involved.

She's in counseling now but they still can't find out WHY she does it. Her mother does the same thing too. So idk if she knows her mother is lying and thinks its normal or what...or if its some type of psychological thing.




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southernwldchld
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:21 AM
3 moms liked this

My son did this, I was at my wits end for a bit. A friend helped me. She'd gone through the same with hers. She told me I had to take the power out of lying.

I stopped giving my son a chance to lie. I never gave him the chance to go on the defensive (which would lead to lying almost 100 percent of the time), never put him on the spot.

If I already knew something, I'd tell him. I wouldn't ask and try to catch him out. I'd just say, "This is what I know, now we need to figure out what we're going to do about it."

I focused on rewarding truth and made no deals. If he has to eat all his dinner to get dessert, don't give him more than the minimum you will accept he eats. He has until everyone has finished and that's it. Plate removed. Don't give him the oppurtunity to work you.

If he starts with an outlandish story about school, tell him "That sounds like a cool story, maybe we can write it down later. So what was your favorite thing you worked on in Math today?"

Talk to him. Tell him that his lying is a problem because xyz reasons, come up with a "contract" between him and the family. Reward him when he holds up his end. I don't mean he has to get a huge treat, but a simple. Hey buddy, I really appreciate you telling me the truth even though you didn't want to. It really makes me proud.

Good luck Mama


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