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Would you hide your pregnancy to spare a family member's feelings? update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies

So I am pregnant and so excited, this is our 3ird child. DH's grandparents are having a huge 55th anniversary party this weekend. I am 15 weeks pregnant, we wanted to wait until I was a bit further along to announce because while I have never had a miscarriage, my mother had 12 of them and I just feel more comfortable waiting until I am in the "clear" before we let people know. We were planning on announcing it at 14 weeks but then we got the invitation to DH's grandparents party. DH's sister has been trying to get pregnant since we started trying for our first, who is now 7 and has never carried a pregnancy after 12 weeks.

Our dilemma was, when we announce our pregnancy, she takes it very hard, no matter how we do it and we understand that. So we were trying to do it at a time that we were comfortable with but a time where she would have time to get used to the idea before the holidays where we will see a lot of her.  But again, now we will see her this weekend. The plan was to get through the anniversary party without telling anyone and tell people after. The  problem now, I am clearly showing. It happened all at once, literally, over the last few days.

Now, I think we should just let people know, call his family (my mom already knows, and likely she has told the whole side of my family by now lol) and just tell them. Then put it on facebook to tell everyone else. He thinks that this would be hard on his sister and we should wait and I should hide it.

I don't take issue with keeping the news to ourselves but when I have a baby bump, I feel it is very disrespectful of him to expect me to hide it. 

What do you think?

So we decided to just let everyone know. My side already knows, as I said, and so we called DH's parents to tell them. MIL's only response was " you know your sister isn't going to take this well". I said "well we are very happy and I hope she can be happy for us".

We then posted it on facebook (MIL said she would tell SIL since last time, it didn't end well coming from us). SIL commented on it saying "really, another one?" I deleted her comment and messaged her that the comment was rude and if she is going to be nasty, I will unfriend and block her. Now of course, she is saying I am rubbing my pregnancy in her face. Eye roll. DH said that he will not tolerate her throwing a fit at the party on Saturday.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:03 PM

BUMP!

piesmama09
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Just announce it already, I mean it's either THAT or you tell eberyone you're getting fat at a freakishly alarming rate! It's nice that you're trying to spare her feelings, but you shouldn't suffer you should be happy.

thetrollcat
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:05 PM

no I would hide mine to spare my own sanity and attempt to wanna drive off the cliff

onaflowers
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:06 PM

How big is the bump? Can't you hide it and let the party be about your grandparents?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:06 PM

That's what I think too. I was fine waiting until after the party if I wasn't showing but since I am, it feels wrong to hide it. I get DH wants to spare his sister's feelings but he needs to think about mine too



Quoting piesmama09:

Just announce it already, I mean it's either THAT or you tell eberyone you're getting fat at a freakishly alarming rate! It's nice that you're trying to spare her feelings, but you shouldn't suffer you should be happy.



Sweetest_Britt
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:06 PM
I would only say something if people asked...somebody else's anniversary party is def NOT the way to announce it, beginning or end, it's not YOUR party.

I would talk to his sister before announcing it.
Aslen
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:06 PM
I think you need to tell the sister privately, before the party. That way, she's prepared
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:07 PM
Just call sil.
be respectful and go ahead and get it out of the way soon as possible.
Its hard for them I know, but u aren't trying to hurt them. Best let them deal and get over this now, instead of seeing it at the party. Good luck.
Katkinson
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Well, that sucks. . . it does.  But she can't expect people to put their reproductive rights on hold because she can;t conceive.  I agree the news should be broken gently.  But as far as her feelings, it's only natural to feel concern for her, but don't let her make you feel guilty.  It's your right to have children.  If she cannot, then perhaps she should look into other options like fostering or adoption. 

Good luck.  The most respectful thing you can do for her is tell her privately and tactfully.  Hiding it is likely to hurt more. 

If she's a functioning adult, she may be hurt, but realize that the world doesn't revolve around her.  People will get pregnant around her.  She can't hold a grudge or anything over that. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:08 PM

With the right dress, I could probably just look like I have gained a few. But this is why I want to tell everyone before hand. I also would hate for someone to catch on at the party and then their party turns into my announcement. If everyone already knows, it won't be as big of a deal



Quoting onaflowers:

How big is the bump? Can't you hide it and let the party be about your grandparents?



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