Family needing closure. Should I smuggle some ashes? UPDATE
He loved his mother dearly but she is a pig. Her house is disgusting and he was embarrassed by it. The first year after his passing she kept his ashes in a shoebox. It took his fiancé coming over with an urn because she couldn't take not having him in a proper container.
I'm not fully aware of the whole situation as I don't have much of a relationship with his fiancé. However, I've seen my little sister (his sister too, same dad) and his dad suffer such pain over his passing.
My sister just left in tears because his birthday is in a few days and she had nowhere to "visit" him.
I feel like I'm the only one motivated to do something about it, but given I'm only his step sister I don't think I have a leg to stand on legally.
I feel like his ashes should be split. His mom, dad and two kids should have ashes, and the rest of the ashes need to be buried for his extended family to visit. No one feels like they've had any closure.
What can I do? Would it be a total dirtbag thing to do to sneak a scoop of the ashes and purchase a gravesite/headstone and give his father some too?
As far as my step brothers wishes, I'm not really sure if he has verbalized anything to anyone before passing. Knowing him, and his sense of humor I think he would find it hilarious if I smuggled some of his ashes.
I don't know, my heart is breaking for my sister. She asked me to take her to the river to throw some roses in...it's the only thing she can think of to memorialize him and remember him on his birthday. She would like to have a place to visit his remains. She's not comfortable visiting his ashes at his moms because its chaotic and gross over there. She is your stereotypical "welfare momma." So I don't blame her.
What options do I have?
thanks to those of you who were understanding and actually offered advice. Some of you are acting as if I have already taken some if his cremains.
I wrote this post moments after my sister left and my heart was breaking for her and I was mad. I've watched my step dad be consumed with guilt and become very ill over it. He is doing better now, but I wanted him to have the closure I think he needs.
You're right it's not my battle.
However, that does not change how I feel about his mother. She has done some mean spirited things to my family before his passing and I truly believe this is a control thing with her.
I'm going to look into planting a tree. My brother died of a heroin overdose. My step dad was in denial that he was actually using and that is why I think he can't heal, because he feels responsible.