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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Married moms are NOT the same as single moms!!! EDIT. EDIT #2

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 668 Replies
19 moms liked this

I had this argument at work today with two married women. All three of us were going to college, but one of them dropped out because it was too hard because she was "doing it all by herself". I said no she wasn't, because she has a husband to help her. The other girl agreed with her, and said that having a husband doesn't matter because she still does everything on her own. I disagree, I think that being a single mom is COMPLETELY different.
Is being a single mom the same as being married to someone who doesn't contribute? Is it harder? Easier?

EDIT:

If your husband has EVER made dinner, done the laundry, helped the kids with homework, taken them to the park, drove them to/from sports practices/games, put them to bed, swept the floor, mowed the lawn, or ANYTHING else, then you can't say that your husband doesn't do anything to help.  Single moms have to do all of that and more, with NO help from ANYONE.  We can't just say "here, watch the kids while I run to the store".  Nope, we take them with us.  We can't say "I'm taking DS to soccer practice, can you make dinner?".  Nope, we take them to soccer practice AND we find a way to squeeze dinner in somewhere.

Unless your husband sits on your couch LITERALLY all day long, then he is more helpful than my non-existant spouse.  I garuntee that not many people can say that their husband ACTUALLY sits around all day and does absolutely nothing.  It may FEEL like he doens't help much (or not as much as you'd like) but I PROMISE he has, at some point, helped.

EDIT #2

Some of you are reading WAY more in to this than there is.  First off, *I* didn't compare lives with anyone, *I* didn't judge anyone.  I simply stated that my coworker was not "doing it all by herself" because there is another grown human living in her house that does, in fact, contribute in SOME way to the household.  Whether she feels that it's enough is irrelevant, he still contributes.

I CLEARLY stated that being a single mom and being a married mom are DIFFERENT, not that one is harder than the other.  I NEVER said that my life was harder, or that theirs was easier than mine.

My first edit was meant to clarify something, because of all of the women who have said "I have a husband, but he doesn't do anything".  Just because he doesn't do ENOUGH doesn't mean he doesn't do ANYTHING.

 My last paragraph was intended to be taken literally, in the actual sense of the word.  Unless a man sits on his ass ALL DAY LONG, then he does more than nothing.

I'm not talking about whose life is HARDER or EASIER, I'm not complaining that I have it harder than others.  I was asking a question.  Some of you need to get off of your high horse and learn to read before you type.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
justpeachy71904
by peachy on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:03 AM
19 moms liked this
Why is this even an argument
2Sparrows4ever
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:03 AM
2 moms liked this
Her husbands an ass
Shrugs, I don't know, I have never been in the position where I was "doing it all alone"
kayandjsmom
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:04 AM

I guess it would matter if the husband even contributes. You never know their home life. I'm married to a man that helps a ton and works a lot so I know that I have more help than single moms.

christina0607
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:04 AM
36 moms liked this

Either can be harder or easier.

Why judge someone elses life? Why not just worry about yourself. It's really not a contest. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:04 AM
4 moms liked this
Oh goodness many feel like single mom's and mine as well be

It was like that with my first and no I didn't have help from the ex. You really don't know her life.

My ex would go out all night and be gone all day. When I kicked him out and was a single person again officially nothing changed for me as I had basically been doing it all on my own anyway.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:05 AM
30 moms liked this
I think being a single mom would be easier in some cases. Having a husband that isn't a good husband is like having another child.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:05 AM

depends on the dynamic in the marriage. some husbands help to make it a 50/50 parental effort and some dont and only focus on their jobs. however, a single mom has no spousal support. so not its not the same.

spastic_poodle
by Gold Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Who cares? Everyone's situation is different.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mcginnisc
by Platinum Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm married and my husband is amazing...that said, I can understand what they are saying, although I disagree. I would think being a single mother would be the most difficult position to be in. I am in awe of single mothers. I have a friend that has been single since her dd was born ( 9 yrs old now) and she leaves me in awe. 

Being married has its challenges- especially when it is not a true partnership, but being single and a parent has more challenges IMO. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this

depends on the particular husband, as well. Just because her DH did little to help (in her opinion), doesnt mean all dads are like that. Some women are just OCD and don't like things that aren't done their way regardless how much he tries to help, so he just throws his hands up and stops bothering.

I'm sure she doesn't have to work. That alone is her DH helping her whether she realizes it or not, but it frees her up somewhat.

We don't know her situation.

I agree single moms have to do more of the job. Even stay at home parents at least may be playing the part of single mom/dad but their spouse is out there working, so they don't have to even do that much. So yeah, being a single parent is more work overall. Both are work, tho and sometimes a stay-at-home parent can feel like a single parent

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