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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Married moms are NOT the same as single moms!!! EDIT. EDIT #2

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I had this argument at work today with two married women. All three of us were going to college, but one of them dropped out because it was too hard because she was "doing it all by herself". I said no she wasn't, because she has a husband to help her. The other girl agreed with her, and said that having a husband doesn't matter because she still does everything on her own. I disagree, I think that being a single mom is COMPLETELY different.
Is being a single mom the same as being married to someone who doesn't contribute? Is it harder? Easier?

EDIT:

If your husband has EVER made dinner, done the laundry, helped the kids with homework, taken them to the park, drove them to/from sports practices/games, put them to bed, swept the floor, mowed the lawn, or ANYTHING else, then you can't say that your husband doesn't do anything to help.  Single moms have to do all of that and more, with NO help from ANYONE.  We can't just say "here, watch the kids while I run to the store".  Nope, we take them with us.  We can't say "I'm taking DS to soccer practice, can you make dinner?".  Nope, we take them to soccer practice AND we find a way to squeeze dinner in somewhere.

Unless your husband sits on your couch LITERALLY all day long, then he is more helpful than my non-existant spouse.  I garuntee that not many people can say that their husband ACTUALLY sits around all day and does absolutely nothing.  It may FEEL like he doens't help much (or not as much as you'd like) but I PROMISE he has, at some point, helped.

EDIT #2

Some of you are reading WAY more in to this than there is.  First off, *I* didn't compare lives with anyone, *I* didn't judge anyone.  I simply stated that my coworker was not "doing it all by herself" because there is another grown human living in her house that does, in fact, contribute in SOME way to the household.  Whether she feels that it's enough is irrelevant, he still contributes.

I CLEARLY stated that being a single mom and being a married mom are DIFFERENT, not that one is harder than the other.  I NEVER said that my life was harder, or that theirs was easier than mine.

My first edit was meant to clarify something, because of all of the women who have said "I have a husband, but he doesn't do anything".  Just because he doesn't do ENOUGH doesn't mean he doesn't do ANYTHING.

 My last paragraph was intended to be taken literally, in the actual sense of the word.  Unless a man sits on his ass ALL DAY LONG, then he does more than nothing.

I'm not talking about whose life is HARDER or EASIER, I'm not complaining that I have it harder than others.  I was asking a question.  Some of you need to get off of your high horse and learn to read before you type.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 10, 2013 at 8:01 AM
Replies (661-668):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 120 on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:52 AM
I always said I was a single mom half the time. Dh was gone half the time for work. It's not your life do why care?
jenniferv27
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:42 AM
I have been a single mom and a married one. u say a single mom has no one and in a lot of cases that is not true. Some single mothers have it better then married ones due to the fact that they have friends and family...especially moms and dads that constantly help out. Help out more then some husbands. Now for those mothers that don't have family, friends, or a husband I agree. But as I said there are quite a few single moms who have it better then married ones...they just don't have a man to sleep next to them every night. Granted I now have a husband that helps A LOT but even tho I am married I still have to do the dinnerafter football practice, and unfortunately still have to take all 5 of my children to the grocery store with me.


Quoting Anonymous:I had this argument at work today with two married women. All three of us were going to college, but one of them dropped out because it was too hard because she was "doing it all by herself". I said no she wasn't, because she has a husband to help her. The other girl agreed with her, and said that having a husband doesn't matter because she still does everything on her own. I disagree, I think that being a single mom is COMPLETELY different.
Is being a single mom the same as being married to someone who doesn't contribute? Is it harder? Easier?EDIT:If your husband has EVER made dinner, done the laundry, helped the kids with homework, taken them to the park, drove them to/from sports practices/games, put them to bed, swept the floor, mowed the lawn, or ANYTHING else, then you can't say that your husband doesn't do anything to help.  Single moms have to do all of that and more, with NO help from ANYONE.  We can't just say "here, watch the kids while I run to the store".  Nope, we take them with us.  We can't say "I'm taking DS to soccer practice, can you make dinner?".  Nope, we take them to soccer practice AND we find a way to squeeze dinner in somewhere.Unless your husband sits on your couch LITERALLY all day long, then he is more helpful than my non-existant spouse.  I garuntee that not many people can say that their husband ACTUALLY sits around all day and does absolutely nothing.  It may FEEL like he doens't help much (or not as much as you'd like) but I PROMISE he has, at some point, helped.EDIT #2Some of you are reading WAY more in to this than there is.  First off, *I* didn't compare lives with anyone, *I* didn't judge anyone.  I simply stated that my coworker was not "doing it all by herself" because there is another grown human living in her house that does, in fact, contribute in SOME way to the household.  Whether she feels that it's enough is irrelevant, he still contributes.I CLEARLY stated that being a single mom and being a married mom are DIFFERENT, not that one is harder than the other.  I NEVER said that my life was harder, or that theirs was easier than mine.My first edit was meant to clarify something, because of all of the women who have said "I have a husband, but he doesn't do anything".  Just because he doesn't do ENOUGH doesn't mean he doesn't do ANYTHING.  My last paragraph was intended to be taken literally, in the actual sense of the word.  Unless a man sits on his ass ALL DAY LONG, then he does more than nothing.I'm not talking about whose life is HARDER or EASIER, I'm not complaining that I have it harder than others.  I was asking a question.  Some of you need to get off of your high horse and learn to read before you type.
twinmommy27
by Ruby Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:47 AM
Depends on the situation...
My dh can be gone 3 weeks out of the month. If he is home, he helps with things, but while he's gone it's impossible.

It also may be harder for those who have a spouse who doesn't want them to go to college, that as well could make it a heck of a lot harder.
momof4loves4
by Bronze Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:18 PM
Every mom is different, single or married!!! There are no comparisons possible on this subject. Every single household varies. We are all equal here ladies. Why do women always try to out do the other??
benny1031
by on Oct. 13, 2013 at 11:23 AM
Ther is a difference if you are asingle mom and do not have a so there with you it is harder because you are doing every thing by yourself and I commend them for their efforts. I also commend all married moms for all their efforts as well . It has been said thet all moms married or not take o. More of the responsibilities of the house hold so as moms we are all equal. There are men who do helplout and there are some that are lazy and do nothing. Sorry about the spelling my key board is acting funky. Think of it this way married moms have someone to fall back on for one thing or another single moms sometimes do not have that option for one reason or another. I say single or married we are awesome moms!!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Oct. 13, 2013 at 3:28 PM

It was definitely easier as a single mom. My ex-husband didn't do much except make messes and spend all the money I made. When we divorced, he had to take care of the kids during visitation and he had to financially contribute through child support. Plus, he wasn't in my house anymore, so I wasn't cleaning up his messes. We didn't share a bank account, so he wasn't spending money I made on the teenaged girls he slept with.

pm4k
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 3:40 PM

I've been on both sides of this situation. As a single parent, I literally did it all--but I did have help. My mom or sister would sometimes watch my son while I ran an errand. As a married mom now, I do feel like I do it a lot by myself. For a long time my DH told me his job was more important than mine so he refused to take off to take the kids to the Dr, dentist or for any school events. As far as sports---if I enrolled them it was my responsibilty to get them to practices or games. I was then expected to figure out dinner afterwards. I finally got fed up and told him if I was going to do it all by myself that I WOULD do it all by myself. He finally started being an active parent and partner in this relationship. So I see both sides---neither is easy...so there is no winner. 

Mazou80
by Silver Member on Oct. 13, 2013 at 5:19 PM
A husband who doesn't help truly counts as an extra baby in the family!!!But literally the way you put it you are right single moms are amazing in what they do..I have true repect for their hard work.
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