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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How do you STOP?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 38 Replies
I want to stop hurting. I want to stop hurting my family.
My father passed away on august 8, 2008. For the life of me, I CANNOT stop being angry. Everyday, I wake up, I'm angry. If the kids do something, I'm angry. My ex-husband and I got together in 2004 and we divorced in 2011. I'm in a new relationship, everything is great...minus the fact I HATE life. I'm angry my father passed away from lymphoma, type b class c. He died exactly one month before my daughter, his one and only granddaughter, was born. I've gone to therapists, which several had said, "you can't come here, your anger is too much to handle. You need to seek other help." (Hospice said this to me)
I did seek other help, but none of it HAS helped. I want to wake up in the morning not mad at the world, or mad at my kids when they've done nothing wrong.
My father was THE greatest man alive. He was THE ONLY one who believed in me and loved me for who I was/am.
How do I deal? It's been over five years and everyone says healing takes time...well, hell, it's been five years...how much longer until I feel relief?????
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
liss.n.chris
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry about your dad, but why are you so angry he died? He didn't do it to hurt you, he was sick. He didn't want to leave you anymore than you wanted him to leave. Maybe an online support group would help (not this one, this is the lion's den) - a real support group. It really can help. Sometimes it's easier to write than verbalize. Or keep a journal to help you deal with what you're feeling and what you're angry about.
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HippiPotPi419
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:05 PM
2 moms liked this

Smoke weed. And no, I'm not being funny. It got me through my mom's death.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:06 PM
I'm angry because he did NOTHING to deserve this! He never smoked a day in his life, NEVER used drugs and drank occasionally. He worked an honest living, day in and day out. He ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of.
Why am I angry? He was THE ONLY ONE to believe in me and what I could be. Why am I angry? It made my brother absolutely insane, as in my mom needed a PO on him. Why am I angry? Because he was 43 years old with his life ahead of him. MANY reasons why I'm angry.

Quoting liss.n.chris:

I'm sorry about your dad, but why are you so angry he died? He didn't do it to hurt you, he was sick. He didn't want to leave you anymore than you wanted him to leave. Maybe an online support group would help (not this one, this is the lion's den) - a real support group. It really can help. Sometimes it's easier to write than verbalize. Or keep a journal to help you deal with what you're feeling and what you're angry about.
JackieGirl007
by Ruby Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:07 PM

It is a choice you have to make. Choose good thoughts. Choose gratitude. Be thankful for the years you had with him (very sorry for your loss btw) and most of all, KNOW that your dad wouldn't want this for you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:07 PM
I do that daily, to deal with my eating disorder, fibromyalgia and insomnia.
I agree with you, though.

Quoting HippiPotPi419:

Smoke weed. And no, I'm not being funny. It got me through my mom's death.

3MusketeerMama
by EmmaRye Pie on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Anti-depressants?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 Did you try a grief counselor?  Everyone grieves differently and this may be your way of grieving. 

Retrokitty
by Jasmyne on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:10 PM
You go to therapy and move on to bargaining.
DABDA
Denial, anger, bargaining , depression, acceptance.
liss.n.chris
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Everyone dies. It doesn't matter if you're a saint or pure evil. It's not a matter of deserving it. You're making everyone else in your life suffer because of your anger. Unless you want to lose them too, please keep trying to find help.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'm angry because he did NOTHING to deserve this! He never smoked a day in his life, NEVER used drugs and drank occasionally. He worked an honest living, day in and day out. He ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of.

Why am I angry? He was THE ONLY ONE to believe in me and what I could be. Why am I angry? It made my brother absolutely insane, as in my mom needed a PO on him. Why am I angry? Because he was 43 years old with his life ahead of him. MANY reasons why I'm angry.



Quoting liss.n.chris:

I'm sorry about your dad, but why are you so angry he died? He didn't do it to hurt you, he was sick. He didn't want to leave you anymore than you wanted him to leave. Maybe an online support group would help (not this one, this is the lion's den) - a real support group. It really can help. Sometimes it's easier to write than verbalize. Or keep a journal to help you deal with what you're feeling and what you're angry about.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Reading what you said made me cry. Because I WANT to do that. I just don't know HOW. How do I remain being a good person when he's dead? I've done SO MANY horrible things in my life and I'm not dead. WHY IS HE?
This is what I deal with...daily.
I understand it's a choice....I just don't know how to forgive myself enough to be okay with it.

Quoting JackieGirl007:

It is a choice you have to make. Choose good thoughts. Choose gratitude. Be thankful for the years you had with him (very sorry for your loss btw) and most of all, KNOW that your dad wouldn't want this for you.

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