We've been together 3 years and have 2 kids together. We also each have kids from previous marriages.
Originally SO had a porn account (i have no problem with porn) where you have friends and can contact/ look at videos etc. Then he deleted it and made one with my name (weird....)
My SO had various dating/hook-up sites from 2 years ago he would go on. He said he was just looking but he was asking for pics etc. He was also trying to chat on Google with a 'spambot'. Then last year he was on a few more hook-up/ dating sites but never contacted/chatted with anyone.
I was pretty upset about him being on hookup sites. Especially because we were happy and have a great sex life. I especially get upset that he would say he'd never do it again and then boom a few months later he'd have another account.
Anyway I forgave him and he hasn't been on one (I think) for a year and a half but I don't trust him at all and I feel like I am settling because we have 2 kids together. Also he said I can look at his phone anytime (and vice versa) but he gets really annoyed and irritable if I do. (like twice a year). He makes me feel like I'm an insecure paranoid person (Which I am I guess) He used to lie a lot too about stupid things, mainly money. Also he omitted a past sexual encounter he had a month before me which wouldn't matter so much but it caused him to bring an std into our relationship. I just feel unhappy and stuck being in a relationship where I don't trust who I'm with and I don't know if I ever will. However, I'm also scared I'll now bring these insecurities into my next relationship if I ever got around to dating again. (My ex-husband never did any of this kind of stuff, so I'm not used to it.)
Do you think I'm being to hard? Am I insecure and paranoid? Is it fair to forgive someone then 'take it back'.?
So now I'm 30 with 3 kids and in a relationship with a man I don't trust. Should I settle and marry or take some (probably a lot of) time to myself and probably find an even lower quality man that's willing to date a mom with 3 kids?
eta: He's a good father if a bit lazy, and works hard at his job.
Sorry so long!!!