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Am I wrong or is he wrong?

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:15 PM
  • 11 Replies

Ok so Dh & I have a yours, mine and ours thing going on.



I have 1 son from a previous relationship who is about to be 5. ( He was born early, has some delays because of it. I was a 100% single mom for his first two years)


He has 1 son from a previous relationship who is 3. ( I have been in his life since he was born, and been a mother figure in his life since he was 3 months. BM drank , smokes, drugs, and "didnt know she was pregnant" carried to 41 weeks, gave birth and abandoned him at the hospital. CPS found DH and he went for custody she popped back up and she did a family reunification and its now 50/50 custody)

We have 1 son together who is soon turning 2. ( no delays, normal pregnancy. Only issue is still breastfeeding, and a bad nut allergy)


So now the problem, I want take my Oldest DS to a Movie, or just have some one on one time and it never happens. I am to the point of Hiring a babysitter. Dh says how much youngest needs me, and is still breastfeeding, and a bunch of other crap excuses. I mean I never ever go anywhere without my youngest, and I am getting tired of it. He'll watch my oldest, he'll watch his son, but he wont watch our son. It makes no sense. His DS gets alone time, with grandma, and 7 days off and on being an only child. My ds sees his dad every weekend for 6 hours Sat and Sun, and 2 hours mon, 2 hours tue, and 2 hours thursday. (strange I know, but its what his dad "can Manage", and what his dad "wants") All the do is sit and watch netflix, or play videogames. Our ds gets alone time with me when oldest is in school, or with his dad and his ds is with BM.


Am I wrong for wanting alone time with my oldest?


Eta: maybe that will fix the smashed problem, and to add its him who has said the yours mine and ours crap, I just call them our children or all of them my kids when hes being an ass lol

by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
2manydiapers
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:17 PM

damn post.. I had it spaced properly..

Rebecca7708
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 6:22 PM
It is messed up. Why is he so opposed to watching your youngest? If he's two, he definitely does not need you around to nurse, all the time. (Although, I think it's awesome you have kept at it this long! Great job!) Anyway, your son does need some one on one time with you, and I feel like your husband is being unfair. I'm assuming this also means you don't get any alone time, either? That's just as important.
2manydiapers
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:41 PM

my "alone time" is when kids are in bed. Thats all lol 

He just makes excuses, his top three " William(yds) only wants you", "What if he wakes and wants you", "I cant calm him like you", its all crap honestly. 

I feel its wrong I should even have to bother him to watch yds, since he is his father. lol I dont get asked to watch him kwim its my child, you dont get asked to care for your own child. 

Quoting Rebecca7708:

It is messed up. Why is he so opposed to watching your youngest? If he's two, he definitely does not need you around to nurse, all the time. (Although, I think it's awesome you have kept at it this long! Great job!) Anyway, your son does need some one on one time with you, and I feel like your husband is being unfair. I'm assuming this also means you don't get any alone time, either? That's just as important.


kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:43 PM
You should have individual time with EACH child.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Foolynroo2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:44 PM

I think its a great idea, my mother had 5 kids, she tried to do private time with all of us too.

it didn't happen often and might just be a meal here or there, but it happened and some of the best

memories

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:46 PM

I think you are right and he is wrong. You should get some alone time w/the oldest.

2manydiapers
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:50 PM


Quoting Foolynroo2:

I think its a great idea, my mother had 5 kids, she tried to do private time with all of us too.

it didn't happen often and might just be a meal here or there, but it happened and some of the best

memories

see I try this, even just to the grocery store or gas station I try. but its beyond rare with my oldest. Its starting to bother me, I want my oldest to have something other than always sharing his time.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:52 PM
If he's overwhelmed by you DS why would you want to leave him alone with him? It sounds like he's uncomfortable with the youngest and if he doesn't have an interest you shouldn't force it. Thats how children end up hurt/injured by their fathers.

I do think you that you need time alone with ALL your children, including SS. Maybe just hire a baby sitter for your YDS
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:54 PM

Every child needs one on one time with each parent.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 12, 2013 at 7:55 PM
Why not try to work in time while YDS sleeps? Let ODS stay up later, pop popcorn and watxh a mvie of his choice, play a board game or superhereos.

My ODS and I will play video games together, he brags to his friends what a cool mom I am because I game!


Quoting 2manydiapers:


Quoting Foolynroo2:

I think its a great idea, my mother had 5 kids, she tried to do private time with all of us too.

it didn't happen often and might just be a meal here or there, but it happened and some of the best

memories

see I try this, even just to the grocery store or gas station I try. but its beyond rare with my oldest. Its starting to bother me, I want my oldest to have something other than always sharing his time.


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