I Trick My Neighbors So I Don't Have to Participate in Halloween Fun
by Mary Fischer
We've only got a couple weeks to go before Halloween, and that's why I've been paying extra close attention to every single house on my street. I know any day now, the "boo bags" are bound to arrive. And if you don't know what boo bags are, then you're incredibly lucky and should never move out of your current neighborhood -- EVER. Sure, they're kind of cute. The first time you get one. But they're annoying as hell year after year and some of us really don't have enough hours in the day to deal with them.
Every stinkin' October for the past seven years, I've woken up to find a goody bag full of Halloween treats on my doorstep. There's also a white piece of paper with a ghost on it that I'm supposed to copy, cut out, and then stuff into two separate goody bags that I have to put together and "secretly" leave on two of my neighbors' doorsteps so they can continue to spread the boo love throughout our development. (Eye roll.)
After you get booed, you tape the ghost to one of your front windows so everyone knows your house has already been hit -- and they'll pass you by in favor of booing the next unbooed pad.
And here's where I have a bit of a shameful confession to make. For the past couple of years or so, I've pulled a fast one on the booers and somehow managed to cheat my way out of having to participate. (Why? Because I'm the Wicked Witch of Connecticut, of course.)
As soon as I see a ghost in someone's window, I promptly go home, print out an identical one, cut it out, and tape it to my window so I don't get booed.
There. I admitted it. I hate the stupid boo bag thing because I've done it year after year and it's really getting old and I work full-time and have chores and bills and a kid to take care of and a whole host of other stuff that needs to be done.
And before you go and label me the worst neighbor who ever lived -- let me just go ahead and put it out there that on Halloween night, we have a mobile bar that we drag around the neighborhood. We offer all of the adults accompanying the trick-or-treaters a little refreshment of their own, so it's not like we're total party poopers.
I guess I'd just prefer to pass out free booze in lieu of buying loads of worthless crap and candy at the dollar store to leave sitting on someone's doorstep in the middle of the night. (I feel like my neighbors probably appreciate the cocktails a little more than the bags.)
On that note, I think I'll go ahead and put a ghost in the window tonight in an effort to ward off evil booers. (I really don't have time for that shit.)
Do you do the boo bag trend in your neighborhood?