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IF we end up in court over visitations... am i wrong?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 54 Replies

i want to know if i can ask for certain things...

1) supervised visits.

2) drug testing/results from his parole officer

3) anger management and possibly parenting classes

4) licensed and insured when/if the time comes when DS is able to actually GO somewhere with him


the reason i ask... DS is 8 years old. his dad is barely involved- you couldnt even really say he's involved. he swears he wants to be, but he wont take the measurements TO be involved. i did manage to get him to agree to sit down with me so we can talk about the issues in regards to DS (he keeps flipping between wanting to sign over rights to demanding to have him for an entire weekend, by himself)... he hasnt given me a day or time though so we'll see.

supervised visits-- he's spoken very lowly of DS (calling him names)... if i cant be around to monitor what he says to DS, i want someone to be able to. i dont want DS to have an even lower level of self-esteem than what he has now (for some reason, he's starting to think everything is his fault, and practically cries himself to sleep... even something simple like dinner sucked- i'm not the best cook and i've been trying to make new things, like salmon lol-- but he thinks its b/c of HIM that dinner sucked)

drug testing-- he's already failed one time with his parole officer... he's spoken of being a drug dealer again (weed and cocaine)... i do NOT want that crap around DS at all... my ex also gets really violent when he's fucked up (even on beer, but i dont know if i can put 'no drinking allowed'-- but i figure the supervised visits would eliminate it for a while)

anger management/parenting classes-- he can flip very easily from happy to pissed. DS isnt the manly-man type... and honestly, the last thing i'd want is DS to start crying over something and my ex telling him to 'shut the fuck up. you're acting like a sissy ass bitch'


i also want to have therapy/psychologist involved somehow, but i'm not sure if thats allowed. my ex's mom is schizophrenic (sp?)-- and recently, DS has started talking about people in his brain talking to him. i also think bipolar runs in the family.... when my ex gets mad and he says certain things, HE says he doesnt remember saying them after he's calmed down... i think thats a lie, but thats not my call to make. if he does have mental problems though, i prefer that he's getting help.


DS is already seeing a therapist, but its VERY new (friday will be our second appointment)....

i'll be honest and idc if i get bashed for it-- but right now, my plan is to keep DS away from him. no contact at all... until we sit down, discuss my wishes and he starts anger management and he gives me copies from his parole officer regarding his drug tests.... i doubt HE'D be willing to do that and if thats the case, i plan on telling him to go through the courts and to not contact me. 

am i wrong in asking those things?


Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:45 AM

i'd be willing to do the same exact things or provide whatever documents or go to whatever classes, etc.... whatever 'requirements' i'd ask of him, i'd be willing to do myself.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:47 AM
I think your requests are within reason.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:47 AM

you are in the right to protect your son. In cases like these no dad at all is better than any dad.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:47 AM

You are very smart to take such serious matters into consideration. Use the therapist to guide you about what is appropriate for visitation. I have a feeling you will have no trouble getting everything you are asking for. I'm guessing a pysch eval is in order for your ex and have an attorney insist he get one before unsupervised visits occur. The therapist should ask to meet with him so they can give a professional opinion that will have weight in court. Your ex will have a lot of hoops to jump through and I doubt he will follow through. He should be paying for meeting with therapist, psych eval, anger mgmt, parenting classes, etc. So it won't be a surprise if he walks away. Good luck!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 1:59 AM

honestly... as sad/bad as it sounds, i hope my ex does just walk away. if that comes with backlash when DS gets older and gets my ex's side of the story (your mom kept me away from you), i'd be okay with it. i just feel that RIGHT NOW, with everything DS is going through (the people in his brain... low self-esteem/wanting to die... and the normal trying to figure out where i fit in this big world), my ex will be more detrimental to his upbringing, esp if my ex talks down to him like he does his other kids (the other parent doesnt seem to care what my ex does or what their kids go through)... but i also want to at least give him a CHANCE to be involved. well, another chance (tried about 5 years ago, but he got back on drugs).... hopefully when DS gets older and is more certain in who he is, he'll be able to handle what my ex says to him (even if that means walking away)....

but on the same coin, IF this does end up in court, i want to be fully prepared in what i ask for and the reasons why... (like i dont wanna sound crazy and say 'i want supervised visits cuz i dont like his girlfriend and i dont want her playing mommy to my kid' lol)

Quoting Anonymous:

You are very smart to take such serious matters into consideration. Use the therapist to guide you about what is appropriate for visitation. I have a feeling you will have no trouble getting everything you are asking for. I'm guessing a pysch eval is in order for your ex and have an attorney insist he get one before unsupervised visits occur. The therapist should ask to meet with him so they can give a professional opinion that will have weight in court. Your ex will have a lot of hoops to jump through and I doubt he will follow through. He should be paying for meeting with therapist, psych eval, anger mgmt, parenting classes, etc. So it won't be a surprise if he walks away. Good luck!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 2:03 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

you are in the right to protect your son. In cases like these no dad at all is better than any dad.

sadly, i feel the same way. but i want to exhaust ALL options (meeting with him and then telling him to take me to court), before i take legal action against him calling just to basically harass me. that way, IMO, i've given him a chance with just me and i'm giving him a fair warning that i dont want to deal with it anymore and take it to the court house. i doubt it'd ever get to that point, but when i do eventually meet with him, i'll have my requirements written out and two options for him to take at the bottom- either he agrees, or he doesnt. he'll pick and option and we'll both sign off on it. that way, i have written proof that i tried, that i can show the courts and DS (when he gets older and ever questions it)
liltampa71
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 2:10 AM

It never hurts to ask.  The worst that can happen is all requests aren't honored.  But if you lay it out why it's important, they should be.

If he was an involved/good father and you were doing it for spite, no.  However, your concerns seem legit.

notadoormat
by Silver Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 2:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Document everything you do and everything he does or doesn't do. Asking for supervised visitaion is within your rights and your son's, but you need to show reason. Good luck.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 2:16 AM

i dont wanna do it outta spite... part of me wants to add 'no live-in girlfriends'... but thats all he ever really has... but i will want to know where he lives, when/if he ever gets DS overnights, that way i know where DS is. (my ex has a habit of being in a relationship, living with that girl, getting into another relationship, ending the first relationship and going to live with the second relationship... rinse and repeat).... i personally dont care where he lives right now/during supervised visits.. but once DS enters that environment, i'd want to know.... or does that sound spiteful...? i just cant imagine sending my son to go stay somewhere and me not knowing the address of where he's at.

but thats not until this goes to court and it goes into a unsupervised event.... which i feel wont really happen.... honestly, i dont even see us meeting up TO discuss all this. i think i'm just freaking for no reason

Quoting liltampa71:

It never hurts to ask.  The worst that can happen is all requests aren't honored.  But if you lay it out why it's important, they should be.

If he was an involved/good father and you were doing it for spite, no.  However, your concerns seem legit.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 2:18 AM

what do you mean everything i do?

Quoting notadoormat:

Document everything you do and everything he does or doesn't do. Asking for supervised visitaion is within your rights and your son's, but you need to show reason. Good luck.


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