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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

would this piss you off? **edited**

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
We are pretty tight on money...i just looked in our bank account and dh was out wasting money..he went to starbucks, mcdonalds, and red robin today.spending $60 alone today...last weekend he got a new phone and spent close to $300 already...im pulling my hair out and want to yell at him..talking to him and sitting him down has not worked!...what would you do, if you were in this situation?...

And that is his money. He is The only one working right now. Because he is in The military he said i shouldnt work because someone needs to take care of our baby, especially with his odd Schedule sometimes or getting deployed...then wtf why isnt he helping with our financial problem..instead he is just going to put us in The hole..ughhhh

***update** I sent dh an angry text while he is at work...and he said he is going to cancel hulu,gamefly, and cable...
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 17, 2013 at 4:04 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:04 AM
Great advice! Ugh its just so frustrating.


Quoting handy0318:


No dear... it's your family's money. 

No "his" money or "your" money. Now that you're married, the financial decisions each make impact all of you, as you are fast learning. 

Yes, he has a problem with overspending money. 

However, treating him like he's a 5 year old, isn't go to go over really well. Some people just aren't good at handling money. I know, because I used to be like that myself. However, if my husband treated me like an errant child about it, it simply would have exacerbated the issue, not resolved it. 

We worked it out by budgeting an amount that each of us could spend per pay period on whatever we wanted without consulting the other. Once we had spent our descretionary fund, then each and every dime over that amount needed to be discussed prior to purchasing. This worked really well for us. I knew that, once I had spent my discretionary fund then that was it until next payday. I learned pretty quickly to budget my discretionary fund. I withdrew the whole amount, put half in my wallet for week one of the pay period and the other half in an envelope in one of our drawers. That way I could actually see how much I spent and how much (or little) was left. After doing this for a few months, my spending habits had really changed and I switched to just using a debit card. 

Perhaps a system like this will help things out.  

Just keep communicating with each other... like adults in a loving relationship... until the issue is resolved. 


Quoting Anonymous:

The thing is he is The only one working right now. Thats his money. We have a little baby with no1 to babysit... I have some money save up from when i last worked but thats going to my student loans and if we are ever in real trouble...





Quoting PollyPockette:

your dh is a fucking loser. 

make your own account and transfer all th emoney into it.  give that fucker an allowance and tell him when he can spend like abig boy he can have his own debit card like a big boy. 







handy0318
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:10 AM


It sounds as if your problems go even deeper than just the money issues... which are serious enough. You need to decide if you're even going to try to save your marriage, or just throw in the towel. 

It seems that he wants to remain married to you... I wonder if he realizes how close to the brink of separation and divorce you are? Perhaps, if he knows he's about to lose you and his child, he will be motivated to work on changing his bad habits and your marriage can be salvaged. 

Here's hoping the best for you.

Quoting Anonymous:

Great advice! Ugh its just so frustrating.


Quoting handy0318:


No dear... it's your family's money. 

No "his" money or "your" money. Now that you're married, the financial decisions each make impact all of you, as you are fast learning. 

Yes, he has a problem with overspending money. 

However, treating him like he's a 5 year old, isn't go to go over really well. Some people just aren't good at handling money. I know, because I used to be like that myself. However, if my husband treated me like an errant child about it, it simply would have exacerbated the issue, not resolved it. 

We worked it out by budgeting an amount that each of us could spend per pay period on whatever we wanted without consulting the other. Once we had spent our descretionary fund, then each and every dime over that amount needed to be discussed prior to purchasing. This worked really well for us. I knew that, once I had spent my discretionary fund then that was it until next payday. I learned pretty quickly to budget my discretionary fund. I withdrew the whole amount, put half in my wallet for week one of the pay period and the other half in an envelope in one of our drawers. That way I could actually see how much I spent and how much (or little) was left. After doing this for a few months, my spending habits had really changed and I switched to just using a debit card. 

Perhaps a system like this will help things out.  

Just keep communicating with each other... like adults in a loving relationship... until the issue is resolved. 


Quoting Anonymous:

The thing is he is The only one working right now. Thats his money. We have a little baby with no1 to babysit... I have some money save up from when i last worked but thats going to my student loans and if we are ever in real trouble...





Quoting PollyPockette:

your dh is a fucking loser. 

make your own account and transfer all th emoney into it.  give that fucker an allowance and tell him when he can spend like abig boy he can have his own debit card like a big boy. 









readyforhim
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:22 AM
Write the bills down in paper for the month and add it up for him so he could see what us left, I left the ex for many reasons and by the end this is what I had to do. Even though we both worked the idiit worked, he was always broke and thought bills were a lay away plan...work on it or the stress and fighting could break you or go to work and find a day care center.
busymommy2013
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:27 AM
There is a reason that I will not have a joint account with dh. He is horrible with money. He buys things before he pays bills. I budget my pay check down to the penny, leaving myself $20 to last every week after bills and groceries. He pays most of the rent, and tells me what he needs me to deposit into his account to cover the rest. I budget around that too. The problem with that is, he will tell me how much he is going to need, then I add it into my budget. By the time I get my paycheck, the amount has increased, sometimes by $100 or more.
msalice_21
by Platinum Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:40 AM
Then just divorce and then you can support yourself and your kid. If your only going to listen to him when he says its a bad idea to work then heres 2 options for you:
1. Suck it up.
2. Take over the finances.

He doesnt have to be the sole provider but if you choose for him to be then you either let him do what he wants or you take over from here.




Quoting Anonymous:

Neither? Ive asked him last week "what do you think about me going back to live with my family so someone can babysit and i can work while youre gone"..he didnt think and just said "no thats a bad idea"... Whatever i think om going to move back with family while he ia gone anyways since he does whatever he wants..so i dont care about whT he wants




Quoting msalice_21:

So doesnt this mean you have until april to get a job and save up? Or does it mean you cant until april? Be optimistic! :)






Quoting Anonymous:

I would but he is in The army and he is getting deploy in april... If i can get a high paying job that i can afford childcare with..i would have left his ass already.








Quoting msalice_21:

Its time to get a job yourself. It sucks but he obviously isnt very reliable in proving he can be responsible for supporting a family alone. Baby needs to have someone that is going to be there to make the ends meet and if he cant do it, it neess to be you. Good luck hun!




Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:50 AM

Yes, I'd be upset. Sit and talk with him, go over the bills together. If there is an item that he wants, regardless of what it is, ask him to wait two weeks before buying anything. After the two weeks, he may have forgotten about whatever item. I get that the thought of that won't work w/some items, but it might for some items. He may not understand the money situation. I hope things work out for you and that he stops spending.   

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Oct. 17, 2013 at 5:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I've seen you mention several times that it is "HIS" money. I'm sorry but when you start a life together, get married, have children, it becomes "YOUR" money as well. That yours and mine attitude about money can cause serious issues in a relationship.
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TCain0001
by Silver Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:00 AM

Sweetie, it's called daycare.  He may not like it, but if he's causing your budget to get fucked up, you have to do what you have to do to take care of your child, even if it means getting a sitter, putting him into daycare, or, if you're near a family member, seeing if they might be willing to watch squirt for a few hours a day so you can at least get a part-time job.  And you can also try to file with DHS to get help with childcare.


Quoting Anonymous:

I would but he is in The army and he is getting deploy in april... If i can get a high paying job that i can afford childcare with..i would have left his ass already.


Quoting msalice_21:

Its time to get a job yourself. It sucks but he obviously isnt very reliable in proving he can be responsible for supporting a family alone. Baby needs to have someone that is going to be there to make the ends meet and if he cant do it, it neess to be you. Good luck hun!



Mummy2Connor
by Karissa on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:01 AM

You're married- it's your money too. What's his is yours, and vice versa.


Quoting Anonymous:

The thing is he is The only one working right now. Thats his money. We have a little baby with no1 to babysit... I have some money save up from when i last worked but thats going to my student loans and if we are ever in real trouble...


Quoting PollyPockette:

your dh is a fucking loser. 

make your own account and transfer all th emoney into it.  give that fucker an allowance and tell him when he can spend like abig boy he can have his own debit card like a big boy. 




sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 10:25 AM

You should be able to put in overdraft protection or even halt the ability to overdraft.

I'm of the belief that when an entire group of people rely on one one's paycheck (primarily children), it doesn't matter if the irresponsible one is the one who makes the money. If you don't take action, your children will soon be seeing the ramifications of this behaviour, and that's unfair.


Quoting Anonymous:

Its his money and he is The only one working right now though..even if i try to manage money, he will overdraft either way Nd expect me to pick up his overdraft charges..ugh...


Quoting sugarcrisp:

Red Robin?

Fuck. And I'm hungry too.


As for this- drain the money, put it in a separate account, pay the bills. Leave just enough in there monthly for him to splurge on himself based on what you CAN afford.




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