Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I am a bad parent- I let this go on!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
I am a bad parent. My teens know their father does drugs and has for years. I was in serious denial till I found a stash recently.

We are on the verge of losing our home because of none payment. I know he got depressed when he could not find work but taking on a drug problem makes everything worse.

I am wondering if we are close to forclosure due to his drug problem. Who knows how much he
spends on it.

My teens are definatly being affected by his behavior. My oldest has been a problem child. She has ran away out of state to meet
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:37 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:39 AM
Continued...

My daughter ran away a year ago to meet a boy online. She had intent to leave and not return.

I put her in therapy and the therapist told her she was like an excuse or target to blame for our problems in the house.

I cry.
olivia_benson
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:41 AM

If you continued to stay with a man who does drugs, I do think you are setting a bad example, but are not the bad parent in this situation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:50 AM
I am looking to walk even though he is supposidly getting help. I do not think he will change.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:57 AM
As the child of an addict, I agree, you are a bad mother.

Letting your child be used as a scapegoat is wrong. Enabling the trash you are married to is wrong.

I feel sorry for the child that ran away.. It was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Kellyjude1
by Silver Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Do you have any family support? or a place you can go to?  You need to be able to provide for you and your children.  Please don't rely on him especially if he has a drug problem.  Get yourself together, get strong, and set goals and accomplishments for you so that he can no longer bring you down.  If he is getting help then let him do so, but in the meantime you need to find stability for you and your children that is most important.  Do you have employment?  If not, this is something you will need to find.  Having your own money and means of support is best. As a mom you need to step in and take control and part of that is finding stability for your kids.  You can no longer depend or rely on him as he has proven he is unpredictable and can't possibly manage bills if the house is in foreclosure due to his drug use.  I hope you are strong enough to move forward for your kids sake right now they need that.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 19, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this
Your poor kids. One parent a drug addict, the other an enabler and in denial. I hope it's not too late to undo the damage you and your husband have done and that your relationship with your kids is salvageable.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2013 at 7:59 AM
He is supposidly getting help. He went to a dr to kick a heroin addiction started by Oxycotins. My life is dependent on him. I was in shock to find heroin in my house a month ago. I knew there where few pills but thought he was self medicating slightly for all his pains from work also he tore a ligament in his ankle and needs surgery.
I gave him the benefit of doubt until I found that stack of drugs.
I look back and realize That I was nieve. I see things now that I did not quite see clear before.
I did not make my daughter a scapegoat on purpose. Myoldest seems the most affected by him.
He is working like crazy trying to pay off the mortgage. I ask him if the drugs why we can not pay for months but he gets nasty and denys of course.
I have my parents. They are local. I told them last night of the mortgage and left out the drugs I found cuz my kids where close by.

I plan to tell them for support.

I do work but can not support myself or kids. I have felt stuck bevause of this but starting to see that maybe I can help myself.

I can not live with the unstability. I thought it was his line of work and working for himself. I just can not believe him anymore.


Quoting Kellyjude1:

Do you have any family support? or a place you can go to?  You need to be able to provide for you and your children.  Please don't rely on him especially if he has a drug problem.  Get yourself together, get strong, and set goals and accomplishments for you so that he can no longer bring you down.  If he is getting help then let him do so, but in the meantime you need to find stability for you and your children that is most important.  Do you have employment?  If not, this is something you will need to find.  Having your own money and means of support is best. As a mom you need to step in and take control and part of that is finding stability for your kids.  You can no longer depend or rely on him as he has proven he is unpredictable and can't possibly manage bills if the house is in foreclosure due to his drug use.  I hope you are strong enough to move forward for your kids sake right now they need that.  


Kellyjude1
by Silver Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 8:10 AM

I am so sorry and can't imagine what you are going through.  Try not to blame yourself.  He is the one with the problem, not you.  As hard as this may be for you to realize the best thing would be for the two of you to seperate give each other space.  If he wants help then let him go into rehab to get it. If he loves you he will change but this all comes down to him.   You state your life is dependent on him and that needs to change.  He needs to understand you will in no way tolerate his drug use.  You may have been nieve at first because I am sure this was the last thing you expected but now you know. The good thing is you have family for support and although you may not be able to financially make it with some help and time you will.  Be strong and do this not only for yourself but for you children.  They need you now more then ever.  I hope things get better.

susannah2000
by Platinum Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 8:20 AM

So you are blaming your being close to foreclosure on your husband? What were you doing, as the bills came every month? Does your husband have total responsibility for your finances, and if he couldn't make the payment, you do nothing? Why couldn't you do something to make the payment?  You sound absolutely clueless as to your financial obligations, take responsibility for nothing, and are blaming your husband for everything.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2013 at 8:58 AM
No, I have have been feeding my kids. Keeping the utilities on, i pay for my kids monthly braces payment. I could have paid a mortgage payment last month but after finding the heroin I knew Why I could not depend on him if we needed food or gas money if I spent my entire pay went to the mortgage then I would have nothing in my pocket.

He has been like pulling teeth to pay any bills and now I know why. He had 400.00 worth of heroin left in my house. I make bring home less then that a week for fulltime work.


Quoting susannah2000:

So you are blaming your being close to foreclosure on your husband? What were you doing, as the bills came every month? Does your husband have total responsibility for your finances, and if he couldn't make the payment, you do nothing? Why couldn't you do something to make the payment?  You sound absolutely clueless as to your financial obligations, take responsibility for nothing, and are blaming your husband for everything.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured