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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

OK for dads but not moms? Why?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
2 moms liked this

A mom posted about wanting to go to school for her PhD in microbiology and molecular genetics but she would have to move about 3 hours away because her husband could not transfer for his job.  She would either take her son and they would see DH on weekends or the son could stay with DH and it be the other way around.  There were some saying she was selfish or she should not do it or how it would never work out.  I commented and asked how it was different than a dad that was in service and gone for long amounts of time or even a trucker that was gone for weeks or months at a time.  I was told because it was a want, not a need.  I don't understand why moms are not supposed to want to do things for themselves but it is ok for dads.  It is not a need for a dad to be in service, that is a want.  It is not a need to be a trucker, or any other occupation that takes you away from your family.  It is something you want to do.  And no one thinks twice if it is the dad that does it but a mom is supposed to be with her family at all times and is a horrible mother if she wants to persue something that takes her away from her kids for a while.  

Heck some moms think it is horrible to even leave you children with their own father long enough for a girls night out or a freaking pedicure.  My husband and I both strongly believe in being a parent, but also being ourselves.  If one of us wants to go out, then the other will stay home with the children.  My husband does not "watch" our kids, he parents them like he is supposed to.  And he does not complain if I feel the need to go watch a movie I want to see or go out with friends.  And my children benefit by having a happy mother.  Same for him.  He goes out with friends if he wants and he is a happier person.  I don't think anyone should just stay stuck in one role just because they are a parent, be it mom or dad.  My husband works 60 hours a week, he needs a break from work, husband, and dad to be just himself.  I am a stay at home mom and I need a break from being mom and wife for a while.  Doesn't make either of us horrible, especially not since I am the mother.  I am not selfish, I just want to make sure and not lose myself in motherhood and be more mentally happy.  I don't see a thing wrong with that mom wanting to go to school for something she is passionate about and if it was her husband none of you would probably see anything wrong with it, and probably even be saying that is great that he will be able to get a great job after. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:07 PM
I hate the double standard. I am currently working on a nursing degree. The waiting list for the nursing program here is 3+ years long. Back home, 3 hours away, it is less than a year. My SO and I have been talking about me possibly moving in with my parents while I complete the nursing program. Either I will take the kids or they will stay here. The sooner I can get my degree, the better off my family will be
alexsmommy2010
by Bronze Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:08 PM
My husband stays home to take care of our son while I work. He can't manage keeping a job very long so I'm the breadwinner. I'm sure i'd get jumped for that. I think she should go for it.
luvmykidsJC
by on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM

I don't think it would be ok for a dad to move 3 hours a way, possibly meaning the child has to move either

EvaTheDiva2
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM
I agree op
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Hey, if he is taking care of your son he is working :)


Quoting alexsmommy2010:

My husband stays home to take care of our son while I work. He can't manage keeping a job very long so I'm the breadwinner. I'm sure i'd get jumped for that. I think she should go for it.



katarina666
by Gold Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:12 PM
2 moms liked this

I totally agree with everything you just said.Plus young men raised by intelligent ,sucessful women appreciate women more.

alexsmommy2010
by Bronze Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:13 PM
Yeah he does a better job taking care of our son then he did working. He has adhd and nonmedicated now so I think it was too much for a job but perfect for taking care of an active 3yr old boy.


Quoting Anonymous:

Hey, if he is taking care of your son he is working :)



Quoting alexsmommy2010:

My husband stays home to take care of our son while I work. He can't manage keeping a job very long so I'm the breadwinner. I'm sure i'd get jumped for that. I think she should go for it.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:14 PM
Your question is very valid and I completely agree with your question. However, I might be in the minority here, but I personally couldn't do any of those double standards such as a man in the service, a truck driver. I think all those things are selfish with a family. And so is moving away to go to school. Both men AND women should have wants, but they also should have priorities. If I was that mom wanting to go to school, I would have done so before having a family, or wait till it's more realistic to do.
I believe that parents should be parents, and hoe could they if it's only a portion of the time?
suzanneyea
by Ruby Member on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:18 PM

Most men in the military have wives picking up all the slack! A military wife has twice the job of a regular wife cause their husbands are gone a lot. If the man is willing to move or stay home and pick up the slack while the woman pursues a career, that is fine.

basically, you can have two parents putting their careers first if there are kids involved.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 20, 2013 at 2:19 PM

My husband is in the military and deploys on a high tempo band- meaning a lot. I would never move 3 hours away from where he is stationed for a job or school because keeping our family together as much as possible is my number one priority. I still work and go to school full time. I'm not saying it's different, it's just a sacrifice I willingly made by marrying someone in the military. I am prior active duty myself and we decided it would be best if one of us got out so we could provide more stability for our family once we started having children. 

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