Love my dh, but he's come up w/ this idea that's giving me an anxiety attack.
We just moved to Hawaii (we're military) so we have at least 3 yrs here before moving again, and if anyone knows the military there is no guarantee where you will be placed next. You can request specific posts, but in the end they'll put you where they want/need you. But dh is determined to get Colorado and so wants to buy a 5+ bedroom home w/ some land and move his parents out there to take care of it until we move there; then his parents would live w/ us in the house.
My major peeve w/ this idea, he talked to his parents about it & started looking at houses w/out consulting me at all!
I do not want to share a house w/ dh's parents, we did that before and I felt like I came second to what they wanted/needed and now we have a 3 yr old dd & a ds on the way. I do not want us all to be pushed to the back because of his parents; I feel it would wind up being me & the kids against dh & his parents.
Also even if we did manage to get Colorado after this post, there is no way to guarantee that after another 3-4 yrs there that they wouldn't move dh to a different post again; which would leave me, the kids & the in-laws behind. I don't want dh to leave us behind, he'll miss years of the kid's growing up being at a diff post, we'll probably only see him a few times a year depending on how far away he is.
I tried to talk to dh about all this last night, letting him know all my concerns but he got upset at me, saying he wanted to buy a house & have a settled place to come "home" to after he retires and have his parents comfortable & taken care of in their older age so he's not worried about them either. I can understand his points, but it feels like he's taking this huge decision out of my hands & he and his parents are planning this behind my back.
He's seriously talking about doing all this w/in the next 6 months and I'm in shock! I'm 4 days over-due w/ ds, trying to figure out how to enroll dd in a good pre-school that we can afford, though as soon as ds is old enough I'm going to need to get a job so we can afford daycare & pre-school and I just found out my grandmother is dying so I've got to figure out how I'm going to get to California if she passes soon w/ a 3 yr old and a newborn so I can help w/ her estate and last wishes bc there is nobody else there except close family friends to do so.
I cried myself to sleep last night over all this bc dh wouldn't talk to me w/out getting all angry bc I wasn't completely on board w/ him about it all. I'm sooo overwhelmed w/ everything but I don't know how to talk to him about it bc he's not being resonable, he's got tunnel-vision and I want someone to snap him out of it!
What do I do?!