Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

SDD can move back but she isn't getting her own room back. added info

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 249 Replies

I really just need to vent but feel free to comment any thoughts. Over the summer, SDD, 16 mom moved back into town (she moved 4 years ago for her job and the judge said SDD would stay with DH, we had been married a couple years by then). Well when her mom moved back into town, she wanted to move in with her. We agreed not to take it to court because she is 16 and she would stay in the area and stay in the same school.

We have a 5 bedroom home. We have one bedroom, she had another, my two sons 15 and 12 share a room, my two girls 10 and 8 share a room and the two girls we have together who are 4 and almost 2 share a room. About a month after she moved in with her mom, we decided that it wasn't really fair to leave a bedroom sitting empty while we had all the other kids sharing bedrooms. As she is a teen, she often is at her friends over the weekends so it's not like she even spends every other weekend over here. It's mostly Wednesdays for dinner and every other Sunday for dinner. I think she has spent the night 3 or 4 times in the last 4 months since she moved out and while we kept her bedroom as it was, she only spent the night 1 time that month. So we moved my 15 year old son to her room so that the two older boys have their own rooms. We have  a trundle bed in the 10 and 8 year old girls room for her for when she does spend the night or she can sleep in the family room.

Well, things aren't working out so well at here moms. SDD and her 14 year old step sister (her mom's DH's DD) are fighting day and night. Also, her mom only has a 3 bedroom home and is pregnant with twins so when the babies are born, the girls will be sharing a room.

So she has asked to move back in. Of course we would never tell her she can't move back in BUT I don't think it's right to give her her own bedroom back. She chose to move out and now she wants to move back, I don't think my boys should have to give up their new found space just because she changed her mind. I also think the main reason she wants to move back in is because she wants to have her own bedroom.

At first, DH just assume the boys would move back in together and she would get her own room back. But I put my foot down. After we talked about it, he understood that she has had her own room all this time while all the other kids shared and now she is going to have to share. If she chooses to move in, she will have to share with DDs 10 and 8 until we can figure something else out. I am thinking we could convert the garage into a bedroom but we won't be able to do that until we get our income tax return. I would want to wait a while anyway to make sure that we don't put all that money into that just to have her decide she wants to move back in with her mom.

We told her today that she is welcome back but she will have to share a room with the girls, at least till the summer. She told her mom and her mom is mad. DH reminded her that once her twins are born, she will not be able to provide her with her own room either so she really has no room to talk. SDD is pouting and saying that she isn't sure she wants to move back in. I am a bit worried DH might try to get me to change the arrangement just to get her to move in but that is just not happening.

ADDED Info

The bedroom that my 8 and 10 year old are in is almost as big as the master (they got that one because when we moved in, they shared a room, the boys had their own and SDD had her own, this was before the younger two were born).

My other thought is to have the boys go back to sharing and give the 8 year old her own room and have SDD share with the 10 year old with the promise that when we convert the garage, my oldest son will get the garage, and SDD will get her own room back with the 10 and 8 year old girls going back to sharing but that seem like a lot of moving everyone around since if she moves back in, we will have the garage converted by the summer.

My other, other thought was have SDD stay with her mom until we can convert the garage since her mom's babies aren't due till may or june anyway but her mom wants to set up the nursery by Christmas so she will be out of her room by then.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:12 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM

BUMP!

fullxbusymom
by Ruby Member on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok so your two daughters now have to share with another sister that should be interesting at best.  Good luck with that. 

egrzesik91
by Bronze Member on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:16 PM

That's a lot of kids for a house and I hope she still has to share a room.

quinnsmom715
by Donna on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:16 PM
4 moms liked this

its also not fair to your daughters to add a 3rd person full time..weekends is one thing but full time....if 3 share a room,they should get the biggest secondary room..

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know.

Personally, I think I would want her to have her own room.
That's just me though.

I just couldn't imagine allowing a 16 year old to share a room with both a 10 and an 8 year old. How big is that room?

Is she going to have the privacy she wants/needs? She's not really close in age to the two girls (as oppossed to the two boys).

Would you be giving up the master bedroom to accomodate all three girls so they can have the space and privacy?

fanciepantz
by Alyssa on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:19 PM
2 moms liked this
I understand what you are saying, but do you really think its fair to make a teen girl share with 2 little girls? Not to mention you are going to put 3 kids in one room?
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:19 PM
3 moms liked this

So you would force an 'amost adult;' to room share with two kids. Yeah that doesn't sit right with me either.

zoo003
by Gold Member on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:19 PM
1 mom liked this

While I can see where you are coming from, having 3 people share a bedroom seems like a lot to me (along with not being fair for the two girls that are already there).   

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I have to add this, I forgot to but I am considering having the boys move back together BUT having her share with my 10 year old and my 8 year old get her own room so there aren't 3 to a bedroom but I really hate to take the boys separate bedrooms from them since they have pretty much always shared and they JUST got their own rooms. This is why we will have to convert the garage.



Quoting fullxbusymom:

Ok so your two daughters now have to share with another sister that should be interesting at best.  Good luck with that. 



IrishMama625
by Member on Oct. 21, 2013 at 7:20 PM
9 moms liked this

I agree with you. She chose to leave you and her dads nest to go to her mothers. And just like in life once you do that you dont get to go back in time months later and change your mind. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)