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Birthmom's rights are being terminated in June ETA

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies

My stepkids' birthmom. They are 4 and 3. The state (CPS) is terminating her rights in June (or trying to, it shouldn't be too hard.) 

that would make them legally free for a stepparent adoption.

What would you do? Would you adopt your stepkids in this situation? Or wait until they are older? Or not at all?

DH and I have been married for over a year, have another child together, I've been in the kids' lives since they were 2 and 1.

DSD has been calling me Mama for the past 6 months. (Same as what DD calls me)
DSS does not, and asks for Mommy frequently.

They haven't seen birth mom in 2 months, she just doesn't show up to visits. She didn't show up to the last court day. CPS is still involved with her, she refuses to let CPS do home visits. She's supposed to be on supervised weekly visits with the kids, but she hasn't shown up to the last 8 visits.

So what would you do? 

ETA: I went through the date book and added up the amount of time they've seen her.
Since January, they've seen her a grand total of 9 hours. This is being offered/allowed one hour per week supervised with CPS. CPS is in charge of the visitation,not us. We bring them to the visitation center like we are required to, but she doesn't show most of the time. 


Jan-4 hours (Once a week for one hour, all 4 weeks)
Feb-0

March-0

April-2 hours (Once a week for one hour, 2 weeks out of April)

May-0

June-0

July-3 hours (Once a week for one hour, 3 weeks out of July)

Aug-0

Sept-0

Oct-0 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EricaG87
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:45 PM

 I would wait two years after the rights are terminated to pursue a stepparent adoption.

Joyzap2003
by Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:49 PM

Why are they waiting until then to terminate her rights?  I would start the adoption process as soon as her rights are terminated,

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:49 PM
2 moms liked this

If you love them like your own, and would raise them even if god forbid something happened to your husband, then adopt them.  At the very least find out what would happen to them in that scenario if you did NOT adopt them... That would be my biggest concern I think.

yo_ho
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Do you love them like your own and treat them like your own? If yes, then I would. If you adopt them its not like you are saying that biomom can't be in their lives at all.

But why June?
sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:58 PM

I would wait until they can have a say. JMO

cali_gurl
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:58 PM

I would let DH get full custody. Not sure I would adopt. We are going through something similar now with my stepson and his CRAZY BM. We will probably get full custody. He hasn't seen her more than 20 times in 4 months and he is supposed to be living with her. He is a teenager. Good thing he is a great kid.

katemckenzie
by Kate on Oct. 22, 2013 at 11:59 PM
This.

Quoting Anonymous:

If you love them like your own, and would raise them even if god forbid something happened to your husband, then adopt them.  At the very least find out what would happen to them in that scenario if you did NOT adopt them... That would be my biggest concern I think.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:06 AM


They have to be terminated by a judge in court. (Because she won't willingly give them up). That's when the trial is scheduled.

Quoting Joyzap2003:

Why are they waiting until then to terminate her rights?  I would start the adoption process as soon as her rights are terminated,



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:08 AM


DH gets full physical and legal custody to them whether I adopt them or not. 
I already have PoA over them so I can make medical decisions, be involved at school (when the time comes), etc.
In the event of his untimely demise, I'd be designated as the person who gets custody of them. In the event we both go, they go to my sister. 

Quoting Anonymous:

If you love them like your own, and would raise them even if god forbid something happened to your husband, then adopt them.  At the very least find out what would happen to them in that scenario if you did NOT adopt them... That would be my biggest concern I think.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:09 AM


Why 2 years?

Quoting EricaG87:

 I would wait two years after the rights are terminated to pursue a stepparent adoption.



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