Is my husband being selfish for asking me to go back to work or am I just making too big a deal?
I'm a stay at home mom with our 3 boys aged 3,5,12. My husband recently got a job transfer to a new city and after being here a while we've come to realize that it's way too expensive for us out here and we can't really afford it anymore. Our rent doubled, groceries are much more expensive out here, utilities are much more expensive and not to mention his student loans that just kicked in. The town we used to live in had a much lower cost of living so we were able to afford more out there but now that everything has pretty much doubled for us it's become a big financial burden on us. My husband has been hinting at me to go back to work. But since we don't really know anybody out here and can't afford childcare, he wants me to work nights. I'm no stranger to work, I've worked full time ever since high school and at one point we've both tried being working parents but the cost of childcare ended up eating up all but a few dollars out of my paycheck. My issue with me going back to work is that I feel like my husband is too caught up on materialistic things and isn't willing to make some sacrifices. We each have a car and we have a family SUV, my car is paid off but he's still paying on the SUV plus a lease on his car. I have told him so many times already that we don't NEED the SUV and we should sell it. We're in a position where we could actually make money on it right now since we don't owe too much more on it. I've also suggested to change our cable package to a smaller and cheaper one as well as our Internet provider. He refuses to budge on anything or make any changes. The truck payment would save us a few hundred dollars a month and it's not like we'd get left without a car, we both already have a car! We'd save at least another $50 by downgrading the Internet and tv deals. I just feel like he's not thinking anything through. I don't know when he expects me to get any sleep if I work nights and still continue my SAHM duties during the day. He wants me to come home in the morning as he leaves to work himself and stay up with our 3 yr old who's not in school yet and be ready to pick up our kindergartener by 1:20 and then be ready to go again later that evening? I know many parents out there do this all the time in order to make ends meet and I wouldn't be the first but I just feel like there are other solutions available to us if he just learned how to do without luxuries. If push came to shove and I had to go back to work, I'd have to figure out a way to make childcare work. I just feel like I'd be sacrificing a lot of myself right now all to support things we can do without in the first place and it wouldn't really be me working out of "necessity". I just think that since our cost of living changed and we're not able to keep up our old lifestyle we should change it instead of trying to keep it at any cost. i love my husband and he's a great father and provider but this whole situation has me so frustrated and feeling helpless. Is he being unreasonable or am I just being spoiled by not going back to work?