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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Husband/Wife chores

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 41 Replies

My dh is pissed at me and left for work today without kissing me goodbye.

We have three children together ages 13, 3-1/2, and 2-1/2 years old. He works FT with regular O/T and I am a sahm. (We're in agreement of this set-up)

So I spend every waking minute with my two younger children and my oldest goes to school. I love my kids but i need a break. the oldest is a teen who fights me on everything, the younger two fight with each other. they literally wake up as soon as i do no matter how quiet the house is, and only one takes naps though he's phasing those out too. I don't have a babysitter or family member to relieve me once in a while, so it's just me and my husband.

So I've been getting annoyed much lately because after dinner the boys won't go to bed without me. My dh will give them baths and they will run to me immediately afterward without pjs on, and i can't clean up the dinner dishes or load the dishwasher. i have to route out the pjs for my dh even though they're in the same drawers always, or dress the boys myself, and then it's all over for cleaning the kitchen. they want me to read stories. my dh won't read to them, but maybe 3x a year, and i have to nag for this...and in the end, they want mommy anyway.

my dd won't help with the dishes. she says she's got too much homework which is an excuse but i can't force her to help. my dh won't yell at her or reinforce my consequences, and will let her disrespect me and yell at me. this of course, is almost like a whole other issue.

but if my dh just wants to sit and watch tv at night, he can watch the kids' shows with them or read them books ...and i can clean the kitchen.

he won't. he will start out watching tv with them, and they come clinging to me. so i told him, you've got to either get our dd to clean the kitchen or you do it.

he does absolutely nothing in the way of discipline for any of the children, and has little face time with them even when he's home. he loves them but he wants them to cuddle with him while he watches football or something he like to watch. So he's built a situation where they aren't enjoying him, and they want me, but i can't cuddle and clean up. I already divide my day between chores and stories and hugs and playing and all of that.

I have a pot in my sink that has to be  handwashed, that has sat there for two days. I have to get up in the morning, and while getting my dd off to school and getting sippy cups for the boys, make breakfast around the mess and/or clean pans just to make eggs...and even wash the table.  Then, for the first part of the morning, I spend cleaning all the counters.

I've tried putting the boys to bed and then cleaning the kitchen but it gets to be about 9;30 pm and then while i'm doing this, one of the kids wakes up and needs something. I get so much distraction that I've given up and just decided to put them to bed and go to sleep myself. My dh is sleeping by then, of course.

I think my dh who is not being sought out by the boys, should just load the washer and wipe the counters down at night and be done with it. He has no distractions so it would be quick for him. he could be done and still watch his tv shows and go to sleep before i do.

I told him, if you can't keep the boys occupied, then maybe you should do the dishes.

I mean, teh boys don't want me to take a shower, the younger one will bang on the door and my dh will let him do it a while until he gets him. they get clingy when i go pee. they aren't like this when it's just me and them during the day. i was so frustrated last night because i wanted some downtime to go online, and one boy fell asleep...but was woken by the other....and they wouldn't let me leave their room even though their dad was willing to snooze with them till they fell asleep.

i told my dh it was his fault. i said it isn't normal that i can't just get up and do this or that, that they're so clingy when he's home. i said he needs to get down on the floor and play with them, that he hasn't done this in a couple months. maybe that was too harsh?

but overall i'm irritated because he isn't even lending an ear as support to me as a parent. when one kid had gotten constipated and i was trying all kinds of things,  i was looking for my dh for support, and he was largely  unconcerned . eventually i had to call the pedi and worked it out. when it come to our teen, he lets her scream and yell at me irrationally, and i told him, i need your back up but he won't say a word to her. i cry sometimes because i need his help.

i woke up and the  boys immediately after i peed, and i just wanted a coffee. this, after being clung to before bed, and then the boys ended up in our bed overnight. i'm smothered. you know, i don't think my dh has ever gotten the kids in the car all together and taken them anywhere by himself. we were doing chores last weekend and i told him to take the boys with him to the hardware store so i could do my chores, and i said i always take them shopping with me. he said no, he just wanted to go and get his errand over with. well that's just fine! on the weekends, most  my errands and chores are done with kids in tow, and during the week too. I have to multi-task, he doesn't.

So now, he's mad at me, because i'm mad at him, that he won't throw the dishes in the dishwasher or get our dd to help with it, and he just sits on his butt watching tv by himself while i'm reading to the boys leaving all the dishes to be done.

I don't think marriage is ever going to be fair, at least in my case, but this is one thing that i think is really stupid where he won't just take - what would be for him- a few minutes, that makes life really hard for me when he doesn't.

 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PoisonEyeV
by ☆ No Ragrets ☆ on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:24 AM
6 moms liked this

If someone reads this, kindly send me the cliffnotes to my inbox. Thanks.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:25 AM
Looks like mom needs to take herself a spa trip and let dad handle everything.
He's being an unsupportive ass. Even though he works FT, he should be supportive and helpful at home as well.
Mrs-Somerhalder
by Blake on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:26 AM

I didn't get all the way throught that (75%ish), because my monster hasn't kicked in yet, but I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed.

I could sit here and list a whole bunch of "you should/need to do this this and this" but I really don't think that is what you need right now.


I think you are 100% justified in feeling the way that you do. Everyone needs some help now and then.

Mrs-Somerhalder
by Blake on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:27 AM
2 moms liked this


Quoting PoisonEyeV:

If someone reads this, kindly send me the cliffnotes to my inbox. Thanks.

Her husband and DD won't help her do shit and she has clingy toddlers.

eesmommy
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:27 AM
You need to get control of all your kids. The teen needs to stop arguing and start helping and your younger two need to do what you say when you say it. Put your foot down and take charge. I never had help, heck I was pregnant on bed rest with a two year old while hubby worked his regular 13 hour job and ran his own cabinet business in his days off. You just have to learn how to handle things.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:28 AM

You need to make a poster of schedules, and make sure you include the hubby on the list of things to do...you need to take control, get the kids involved in cleaning the kitchen, they will learn mom has more time if they help. Perhaps the husband needs to be shown where the pjs are so they get on after the bath????

You can reward the kids with stickers and when they reach 10 -20 -30 whatever you decide they get special time with mom... Just ideas that worked for me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:28 AM

 

thanks. that's what i needed to hear! :)

Quoting Mrs-Somerhalder:

I didn't get all the way throught that (75%ish), because my monster hasn't kicked in yet, but I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed.

I could sit here and list a whole bunch of "you should/need to do this this and this" but I really don't think that is what you need right now.

 

I think you are 100% justified in feeling the way that you do. Everyone needs some help now and then.


 

BCauseImAwesome
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

 Mom does everything; Dad does nothing. Teenage DD wont help. Mom mad at Dad for being useless, Dad mad at Mom for being mad at him.

Your welcome :-)


Quoting PoisonEyeV:

If someone reads this, kindly send me the cliffnotes to my inbox. Thanks.


 

ShellLea
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:31 AM

Are you sure you're a SAHM? You sound more like unappreciated hired help. You need to set boundaries with your husband and your kids. Only one of my kids has ever had too much homework to help with chores and she has learning disabilities. And it's not every day.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:31 AM

all I can say is my dh realized all I do when I couldnt do it anymore, I was dx with cancer ( not thats what should happen to you), the chemo really did a number on me. he really had to step up, and be the mom & dad, like a single mom or sahm does.

Needless to say, now yrs later and I am better, I also have a job, he helps around the house, infact everyone does their own laundry, everyone has 1 ( common room) each week they have to keep clean, I really only do the kitchen one week a month, sure I spend more time in there then everyone else because I take the time to pinesol everything down , but atleast I know its getting done once a month.


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