My dh is pissed at me and left for work today without kissing me goodbye.
We have three children together ages 13, 3-1/2, and 2-1/2 years old. He works FT with regular O/T and I am a sahm. (We're in agreement of this set-up)
So I spend every waking minute with my two younger children and my oldest goes to school. I love my kids but i need a break. the oldest is a teen who fights me on everything, the younger two fight with each other. they literally wake up as soon as i do no matter how quiet the house is, and only one takes naps though he's phasing those out too. I don't have a babysitter or family member to relieve me once in a while, so it's just me and my husband.
So I've been getting annoyed much lately because after dinner the boys won't go to bed without me. My dh will give them baths and they will run to me immediately afterward without pjs on, and i can't clean up the dinner dishes or load the dishwasher. i have to route out the pjs for my dh even though they're in the same drawers always, or dress the boys myself, and then it's all over for cleaning the kitchen. they want me to read stories. my dh won't read to them, but maybe 3x a year, and i have to nag for this...and in the end, they want mommy anyway.
my dd won't help with the dishes. she says she's got too much homework which is an excuse but i can't force her to help. my dh won't yell at her or reinforce my consequences, and will let her disrespect me and yell at me. this of course, is almost like a whole other issue.
but if my dh just wants to sit and watch tv at night, he can watch the kids' shows with them or read them books ...and i can clean the kitchen.
he won't. he will start out watching tv with them, and they come clinging to me. so i told him, you've got to either get our dd to clean the kitchen or you do it.
he does absolutely nothing in the way of discipline for any of the children, and has little face time with them even when he's home. he loves them but he wants them to cuddle with him while he watches football or something he like to watch. So he's built a situation where they aren't enjoying him, and they want me, but i can't cuddle and clean up. I already divide my day between chores and stories and hugs and playing and all of that.
I have a pot in my sink that has to be handwashed, that has sat there for two days. I have to get up in the morning, and while getting my dd off to school and getting sippy cups for the boys, make breakfast around the mess and/or clean pans just to make eggs...and even wash the table. Then, for the first part of the morning, I spend cleaning all the counters.
I've tried putting the boys to bed and then cleaning the kitchen but it gets to be about 9;30 pm and then while i'm doing this, one of the kids wakes up and needs something. I get so much distraction that I've given up and just decided to put them to bed and go to sleep myself. My dh is sleeping by then, of course.
I think my dh who is not being sought out by the boys, should just load the washer and wipe the counters down at night and be done with it. He has no distractions so it would be quick for him. he could be done and still watch his tv shows and go to sleep before i do.
I told him, if you can't keep the boys occupied, then maybe you should do the dishes.
I mean, teh boys don't want me to take a shower, the younger one will bang on the door and my dh will let him do it a while until he gets him. they get clingy when i go pee. they aren't like this when it's just me and them during the day. i was so frustrated last night because i wanted some downtime to go online, and one boy fell asleep...but was woken by the other....and they wouldn't let me leave their room even though their dad was willing to snooze with them till they fell asleep.
i told my dh it was his fault. i said it isn't normal that i can't just get up and do this or that, that they're so clingy when he's home. i said he needs to get down on the floor and play with them, that he hasn't done this in a couple months. maybe that was too harsh?
but overall i'm irritated because he isn't even lending an ear as support to me as a parent. when one kid had gotten constipated and i was trying all kinds of things, i was looking for my dh for support, and he was largely unconcerned . eventually i had to call the pedi and worked it out. when it come to our teen, he lets her scream and yell at me irrationally, and i told him, i need your back up but he won't say a word to her. i cry sometimes because i need his help.
i woke up and the boys immediately after i peed, and i just wanted a coffee. this, after being clung to before bed, and then the boys ended up in our bed overnight. i'm smothered. you know, i don't think my dh has ever gotten the kids in the car all together and taken them anywhere by himself. we were doing chores last weekend and i told him to take the boys with him to the hardware store so i could do my chores, and i said i always take them shopping with me. he said no, he just wanted to go and get his errand over with. well that's just fine! on the weekends, most my errands and chores are done with kids in tow, and during the week too. I have to multi-task, he doesn't.
So now, he's mad at me, because i'm mad at him, that he won't throw the dishes in the dishwasher or get our dd to help with it, and he just sits on his butt watching tv by himself while i'm reading to the boys leaving all the dishes to be done.
I don't think marriage is ever going to be fair, at least in my case, but this is one thing that i think is really stupid where he won't just take - what would be for him- a few minutes, that makes life really hard for me when he doesn't.