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Military and Spousal Support, Why Should She Have to Pay!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 69 Replies
If you divorce in the military is spousal support automatic?

I am not asking for me. A friend, she is the one in the military, has been through a lot with her DH. He has completely changed, part of it probably due to a head injury but he has always been controlling it is just getting worse.

They've been in counseling for over a year. He is drinking again, addicted to porn. He's started controlling what she wears, how she does her hair, questions the kids on what mom is doing when he's not there. There is more but I think everyone gets it.

She's been trying to get him to move out and he won't. He's now telling her since he doesn't work (he can just won't hold down a job) he won't be paying CS (which she doesn't want anyway) but she will have to pay spousal support. She isnt sure how she could afford that and can't meet with an attorney for 2 weeks when they could get her in.

So I was wondering if anyone knew if she would be paying spousal support?
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AustinsMommy007
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:09 AM
2 moms liked this
No I don't believe it's automatic

Eta if she is the one in the military she should talk to her co and legal. Legal will help make sure she protects herself and her kids
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Her situation sucks. But if he's never or rarely worked - she could be responsible. Her attorney will know best. Good luck to her - she's in for a bumpy ride. :(
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:14 AM
I'm so frustrated for her she deserves to be happy.

She's tried fixing it and standing behind him and has hoped he would get better but he keeps using his brain injury as an excuse for everything (car accident).

They said he may have some memory issues and may be slower to learn but nothing about not keeping a job. He loses them bc they are beneath him and he doesn't like being told what to do so he does what he wants.

He blames drinking on the accident but refuses to get help. He blames porn on her and on his injury.

He says he isn't controlling but gets mad if she wears jeans out of the house but bitches if she runs to get donuts with me on Sundays in sweatpants (no we don't look frumpy but it is 5am). He will wake her to argue with her about what she wore during the day.


Quoting AustinsMommy007:

No I don't believe it's automatic



Eta if she is the one in the military she should talk to her co and legal. Legal will help make sure she protects herself and her kids

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:16 AM
He use to be military got into a car accident and couldn't be anymore.

He's had civilian jobs but refuses to keep them.


Quoting Anonymous:

Her situation sucks. But if he's never or rarely worked - she could be responsible. Her attorney will know best. Good luck to her - she's in for a bumpy ride. :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:40 AM
Bump
ashandmasysmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
Its not automatic. First it depends on the state they divorce in, for instance Texas doesnt award spousal support, but California does. Second they will look at length of marriage and if he ever worked during it. Generally you have to be married 10yrs to recieve spousal support. I would not know any of this except I am divorcing right now and he is military
mommyof11050307
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:47 AM
It depends on how long they've been married and how much the other one makes. I know you can get it ordered for a certain amount of time. If she does have to pay it I know it's just based on what she makes at the time of the divorce. He can't go back when she rank and ask for more money.

If she's ordered custody f the kids they may not award it because of cs he has to pay.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:48 AM

Spousal support isn't automatic, and it usually is temporary when ordered. 

From what I've heard:

1.  You have to have been married a certain number of years.  If you were married for 10+ you will have to pay the spouse a portion of your retirement if you get it.
2.  The spouse has to have either been in agreement to not work, or been unable to work.  Usually a SAHP can make the argument it started out mutual.  A spouse who was working for most of the marriage and is able to work usually won't get support.
3.  Considering his drinking and addictions, she has a good argument to NOT pay support.  Her going to counseling also works in her favor.

 

abecee
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:51 AM
3 moms liked this

equal rights, good or bad, were fought hard to win.  just saying if the situation was reveresed in many cases spousal support would be expected and granted.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 10:51 AM
They definitely have not been married 10yrs and I thought the norm was 10yrs.


Quoting ashandmasysmom:

Its not automatic. First it depends on the state they divorce in, for instance Texas doesnt award spousal support, but California does. Second they will look at length of marriage and if he ever worked during it. Generally you have to be married 10yrs to recieve spousal support. I would not know any of this except I am divorcing right now and he is military

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