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I feel badly for feeling this way but I am kind of happy that DH is working on Thanksgiving

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

The way we do it is we do one holiday with my family and one with his. This year, we were supposed to do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. His parents live over an hour away from us so it's too much driving to spend the holidays with both. Besides, by the time we get home, my family is done with their celebration.

I hate going to his family's things. They speak Spanish the whole time, DH also speaks Tagalog and has talked to people and reminded them that since me and the kids don't speak Tagalog (it's not really something you can just learn as a second language according to DH, you just have to grow up speaking it) it is really rude because it leaves us out. But they go back to Tagalog after 2 or 3 minutes. It's always potluck. if I make a Filipino dish, they critize how I make it (they make it with this spice or they like it served with this sauce) if I make normal food like mac and cheese, corn bread or even a dessert, no one touches that either (despite the fact that I have never had anyone but these people not like my cooking). Also, if the baby falls asleep, that's when they decide she's so cute and everyone wants to hold her, wake her up and then, when she won't stop crying, they hand her back to me.

But this year, DH found out that he is working Thanksgiving. He is not upset by this at all. He is getting paid time and a half and even he doesn't love going to his families events, he just feels like he has to.  His only request is that I bring him home a Turkey leg from Grandmas ( he and my Uncle are the only two who eat them so it works out perfectly). I am so excited because since he is working, I get to take the kids to my grandma's to have Thanksgiving with the whole family. My kids love going and there are other kids to play with. I mean, I will miss him so I feel badly that I am happy he is working but I am just glad that I will get to have a nice holiday with my family.

Also, MIL isn't happy because she feels that since we can't make it to Thanksgiving, we should go to Christmas but we already told my mom (who is hosting it) that we would be there and I even said I would help her get things ready.

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:27 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:28 PM

BUMP!

niki_hubbard
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:35 PM
I know hoe you feel, we go through it every year. We have three places to be on Thanksgiving. It gets ugly because we have only so much time per place, and never eat a full meal anywhere. . Sometimes families do not blend well, and I find the parents tend to make it harder on their kids when demanding time. I now hate the holidays...

back to you, lol. Keep with the plans you and dh agreed to :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:37 PM

Thanks, I'm sorry for your situation. You may consider doing only one place per holiday. We were like you, going back and fourth and it wasn't enjoyable, it was tiring and it just didin't work.



Quoting niki_hubbard:

I know hoe you feel, we go through it every year. We have three places to be on Thanksgiving. It gets ugly because we have only so much time per place, and never eat a full meal anywhere. . Sometimes families do not blend well, and I find the parents tend to make it harder on their kids when demanding time. I now hate the holidays...

back to you, lol. Keep with the plans you and dh agreed to :)



niki_hubbard
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:41 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks, I'm sorry for your situation. You may consider doing only one place per holiday. We were like you, going back and fourth and it wasn't enjoyable, it was tiring and it just didin't work.


Quoting niki_hubbard:I know hoe you feel, we go through it every year. We have three places to be on Thanksgiving. It gets ugly because we have only so much time per place, and never eat a full meal anywhere. . Sometimes families do not blend well, and I find the parents tend to make it harder on their kids when demanding time. I now hate the holidays...

back to you, lol. Keep with the plans you and dh agreed to :)


[/quote

that led to screaming from both sides.. they do not get along, and get crappy when one side thinks the other is getting time they aren't. No one gives a crap that my family does not get to enjoy it.. plus dhs nan died on a Christmas Eve, so the holidays suck for him.. I really wish there was a happy medium.

Sorry I high jacked your post with my pity party, but it is already starting.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:45 PM

oh, that sucks, hope things get better



Quoting niki_hubbard:

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks, I'm sorry for your situation. You may consider doing only one place per holiday. We were like you, going back and fourth and it wasn't enjoyable, it was tiring and it just didin't work.




Quoting niki_hubbard:I know hoe you feel, we go through it every year. We have three places to be on Thanksgiving. It gets ugly because we have only so much time per place, and never eat a full meal anywhere. . Sometimes families do not blend well, and I find the parents tend to make it harder on their kids when demanding time. I now hate the holidays...

back to you, lol. Keep with the plans you and dh agreed to :)




[/quote

that led to screaming from both sides.. they do not get along, and get crappy when one side thinks the other is getting time they aren't. No one gives a crap that my family does not get to enjoy it.. plus dhs nan died on a Christmas Eve, so the holidays suck for him.. I really wish there was a happy medium.

Sorry I high jacked your post with my pity party, but it is already starting.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:45 PM

BUMP!

kikibix
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I think you and dh need to come up with another plan to handle holidays.  Go where you all enjoy the experience and maybe spend time with his family at summer bbqs instead.  I am used to spending time with inlaws that tend to speak in their own language, it doesn't really phase me anymore.  My own family speaks another language - but we are all polite and convert to english the moment a non speaker comes near.  Have fun with the inlaws, interupt their conversations constantly and ask what they are talking about.  I'm sure that will get really annoying for them lol. Stop bringing a dish for potluck, tell them straight out that since nobody likes your cooking you will no longer bring a dish, ask if you can bring a drink or napkins/paperplates, etc instead.  

Since it sounds like your dh doesn't want to be the bad guy and feels obligated to attend his family events, it might be up to you to be the bad guy and starts saying no.  They don't give you a lot of respect anyways, so why care what they think?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 4:01 PM

We do go to things other then holidays but when everyone is speaking a language I don't understand, it's like "why am I even here".  I have considered just telling DH I don't want to go, see if he wants to go without us, probably not



Quoting kikibix:

I think you and dh need to come up with another plan to handle holidays.  Go where you all enjoy the experience and maybe spend time with his family at summer bbqs instead.  I am used to spending time with inlaws that tend to speak in their own language, it doesn't really phase me anymore.  My own family speaks another language - but we are all polite and convert to english the moment a non speaker comes near.  Have fun with the inlaws, interupt their conversations constantly and ask what they are talking about.  I'm sure that will get really annoying for them lol. Stop bringing a dish for potluck, tell them straight out that since nobody likes your cooking you will no longer bring a dish, ask if you can bring a drink or napkins/paperplates, etc instead.  

Since it sounds like your dh doesn't want to be the bad guy and feels obligated to attend his family events, it might be up to you to be the bad guy and starts saying no.  They don't give you a lot of respect anyways, so why care what they think?



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