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Must we split our holiday time in thirds?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

My IL's announced that they are divorcing and it's ugly. They plan to avoid seeing each other in the future at all costs. Admitedly, I have never been fond of them or of spending time with them beyond what I am obligated to give. They and my parents live 1 hour from us in opposite directions. DH and I have always tried our best to split holiday time 50/50 between our parents even though it usually involves a lot of driving on our part. With the holidays fast approaching, should we now split our time so each of them gets 1/3 and my parents the remaining 1/3. Is it being selfish to NOT want to shorten the time we spend with my family because my IL's can't be in the same room as each other? In a perfect world (for me), we would give each IL 1/4 and my parents would keep their 1/2. 

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:07 PM

Also to clarify, we have one DD who is a baby (no grandparent preference obviously) and DH does enjoy spending time with his family. He and I have not discussed how this will affect our holiday plans yet.  I just need some advice before we do talk about it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Just stay home and don't visit anyone b
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Honestly, I would tell everyone that if they want to see you on the holidays, they are all welcome to come to you. 

My parents are divorced and won't be in the same room together...actually, it's my mom who has the big problem with that. So I've dealt with that for twelve years of my adult life, and six years before that as a kid. 

Dh and I give one of them Thanksgiving each year. We just keep track over whose turn it is, and if anyone complains, we just let it go in one ear and out the other. 

For Christmas, we don't mind splitting things up, but we won't be driving all over the place to do it. Not everyone gets to see us on Christmas Day, it's just not possible and it's too much for my small kids. So if anyone wants to see the kids open their Santa gifts, they get to come to my house. If not, we figure out a time that is convenient for everyone to get together to exchange gifts.

It's a major pain in the ass, and dh and I want to tell everyone next year that they can come to us. If they want to see us. It's not fair to make the holidays stressful and hectic like that.

Good luck to you, I hope you guys can figure something out that works well for you.

littlecolton07
by Rebecca on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:14 PM
I personally would still do my parents half and his each 1/4. If they can't be in the same room together for the holidays, they can't expect everyone to spend the same amount of time with them as usual, I hope that makes sense.
Gorilla_Mama
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Can you alternate some holidays or celebrate on a different day? My parents come to our house but won't be in the same room either, so my mom comes by on a different day to give the kids their gifts and my dad comes over on the holiday. My mom understands that my dad has no where else to go while they can go to her family or my stepdads family so she doesn't throw a fit about it not being the day of.

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