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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

How do you enjoy something after its been tainted?

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:17 AM
  • 187 Replies
1 mom liked this
I don't know how to word this, exactly. I'll just give examples and I think y'all will get what I'm asking.

Like, if you were with your spouse for a long time and then divorced, how do you live in the house and sleep in the bedroom you shared with him for all those years without feeling like there is a gaping hole in your stomach?

How do you enjoy things after they've been tainted....


Say, your last pregnancy ended in a traumatic loss of the baby. You get pregnant again. How do you go on with that pregnancy without every little thing reminding you of the last one? How do you take your prenatals every day without feeling depressed about the last time you were taking those? How do you get excited to go to each check up without having the horrible memories that SHOULD have been happy memories but now never will be because of what happened.




If a close relative died very near a holiday, how do you go on year after year enjoying the holiday? How can you ever face that holiday without it being a harrowing reminder of the loss you experienced at that time?




Say, you and your lifelong best friend have a falling out and are no longer friends. How do you go to your favorites cafe that was you and hers "spot" where you always met up and shared so many good times and happy memories? How can you go back there without being haunted by what was and what will never be again?



Even just SIMPLE things. Say your spouse passed away. How do you even get up in the morning and make coffee without thinking about all the mornings you spent making coffee for her and sitting there having your morning chit chat? How can you ever again enjoy a cup of coffee?


Or places.... How do you sit on your couch when, say, that was the last place you sat as your friend walked out the door and you smiled and waved goodbye and told them you'd see them tomorrow but when they left they were killed in a car wreck?



How do you enjoy things that are tainted?
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by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
504bbymami
by Emerald Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:18 AM
And please don't just say "get over it". If only it were so simple. HOW do you get over it?
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Ber-Lynn
by Count Me In on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:20 AM
Hold on let me read this.
First_One_8_18
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:20 AM
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I get closure. Sometimes, it takes a while, but you have to put the situation to rest. If you can'tdesenitize yourself to it after a grieving period, i would suggest therapy. I also try to find the positive about every situation, so just try to focus on the things you love about what's "tainted"and nut focus that it was a part of something else.
LitNut
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:23 AM
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Learn to laugh at them, if possible. Take your coffee situation. I would probably laugh at myself for hating coffee because someone I cared about drank coffee and then died. I imagine they would laugh at me for being sad about coffee, too.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:23 AM
Well I have no idea how I'd react to losing a spouse, or child I don't think there is much I can compare to in that regard... As far as other reminders it just depends. Avoid going to certain places, keeping myself busy with other positive things, or just facing the issue then changing my perception. There is no right answer for every scenario IMO.
kymom23
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:23 AM
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You learn to move on. It really is that simple. Simple, not easy. 

I had to learn how to enjoy the 4th of July again because it was the last holiday I spent with my dad before he passed away 5 years ago. It took some time, but now instead of dwelling on it being the last holiday spent with him, I remember how much fun he had that day and how he smiled. 

tifferie
by A$$tastic on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:24 AM
You just live life. You can't just stop living because people/life changes. Is it hard? Yes. But not living helps no one including you. I lost a baby at 12 weeks. I was devastated. I just got myself up and threw myself into school/work. Keeping busy is what helps me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:25 AM
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One sec at a time, one moment, one day. And before you know it, you survived. With each day, it gets easier. When people experience loss, they cope. They handle it. And, they survive.
nolongermstkn
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Everyones different. There is no cookie cutter answer.

Time is the main one tho.
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Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:26 AM
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