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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i told SO this is cruel punishment..he doesnt agree. what do u think??

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
his DD is 6 and in 1st grade. we have her full time. bio mom took off when she was 2 months old. anyway kid has had serious behavior issues since school started this year. we have tried everything we know to do, testing for add and other "disorders"...sticker charts, rewards, privliges taken, spanking...etc even the teacher and school has run out of ideas to curb her behavior. at home its fine..at school horrible. anyway due to absolutely the worst behavior yet we decided she will not be trick or treating and made her return her costume to the store.....SO wants to take it a step past that...we were originally supposed to go trick or treating with some friends of ours who also have kids....So still wants to go...and bring his daughter along and not let her dress up and participate and make her watch all the kids. i think this is just really mean and a little overboard.
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 29, 2013 at 9:45 PM
Replies (261-266):
Rachael-Dawn
by Gold Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 4:19 PM
She needs counseling. She is obviously dealing with emotional issues that she doesn't know how to handle by herself. I mean a good counselor and it's not going to help right off the bat.
susannah2000
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 6:47 PM



Quoting svolkov:

No but there are certain guidelines for all kids....immediacy and relevance r always important


Quoting susannah2000:



Quoting svolkov:

Yes I do know seeing as how I work with kids with behavior problems. A goal that far out will not be immediate enough to gain the behavior she is looking for





Quoting susannah2000:





Quoting svolkov:

I think either is bad. Punishment should be immediate and pertain to the offense




Apparently you didn't read the post, where it said that she has been acting out for weeks, and all other methods of discipline have been tried. the kid is not a puppy who puddled on the floor. a six year old is able to connect the punishment to the offense. They aren't brainless lumps you know.






But you don't know THIS kid, therefore whatever you know is irrelevant. All kids are not the same.


I don't know what you keep going on about with "immediacy and relevance." You don't think the kid knows why she is being disciplined? OP didn't say her infractions were last year, they are occurring NOW. Plus, she said they have tried everything, and whatever they try to do is relevant to trying to get her to stop the behavior. I think you are just trying to sound superior in your knowledge, when it is illogical and irrelevant. They are trying to stop her current behavior with current ways of discipline. How is that not "immediate and relevant?"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 46 on Oct. 30, 2013 at 7:16 PM

It's in the comments.

Quoting Autumn19:

There is nothing in the op about getting physical. It just says bad behavior.

Quoting Anonymous:

No, it's not, 6 year old's fighting is not common. There are two first grade classrooms in my kids school (I have 2 1st graders) There has not been a single incident where a child has had a physical altercation, let alone a child having been suspended for it. My 1st graders are not violent, their friends are not violent. Some of their classmate are little brats and are mean (verbally) to other classmates, but it never gets to the point of a physical confrontation.

There is a problem if a 6 year old child is violent.

Quoting Autumn19:

Does ahe have smaller siblings? I really think its the age.



svolkov
by Emerald Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 8:08 PM
I'm sorry it was confusing. I thought it was self explanatory. Immediate--meaning as soon as the behavior has happened not hours/days/weeks later. And relevant meaning pertains to the infraction....so had she trashed or lost her costume then perhaps not being abke to go would have been an appropriate consequence...however thats not the case. I didnt see if op said what exactly she was doing but the teacher needs to deal out that consequence....like missing fun time to finish work if she was goofing off...or sitting by herself if she was chatting with neighbors etc etc.
Parents should help reinforce whatever consequence may happen at school but if the teacher can't deal with simple behavior issues in class the student will likely keep up the problem behavior at school. (Especially since that's the only setting that is problematic)



Quoting susannah2000:




Quoting svolkov:

No but there are certain guidelines for all kids....immediacy and relevance r always important





Quoting susannah2000:




Quoting svolkov:

Yes I do know seeing as how I work with kids with behavior problems. A goal that far out will not be immediate enough to gain the behavior she is looking for








Quoting susannah2000:






Quoting svolkov:

I think either is bad. Punishment should be immediate and pertain to the offense





Apparently you didn't read the post, where it said that she has been acting out for weeks, and all other methods of discipline have been tried. the kid is not a puppy who puddled on the floor. a six year old is able to connect the punishment to the offense. They aren't brainless lumps you know.









But you don't know THIS kid, therefore whatever you know is irrelevant. All kids are not the same.




I don't know what you keep going on about with "immediacy and relevance." You don't think the kid knows why she is being disciplined? OP didn't say her infractions were last year, they are occurring NOW. Plus, she said they have tried everything, and whatever they try to do is relevant to trying to get her to stop the behavior. I think you are just trying to sound superior in your knowledge, when it is illogical and irrelevant. They are trying to stop her current behavior with current ways of discipline. How is that not "immediate and relevant?"


xElizabethx
by Silver Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I think making her go and watch is overboard and will likely lead to her acting out further.

Typically, when there is a mental health issue or disorder going on you will see it in more than one area (In fact, diagnosis often requires that the behavior is present in more than one area and/or the symptoms are debilitating in all areas of life) and kids are more likely to act out with family, IMO. What you described sounds localized to her being at school so my guess is the root of her behavior is at school.

If the behavior started this school year then I would transfer her to another classroom. It sounds pretty extreme that school has only been in session for a couple months and her teacher has given up. I would call the school and request a 504 eligibility meeting. I think they have to have a meeting within 10 days to discuss the child's eligibility. If you can pinpoint the issue and get rid of it or find a solution then great, but if you can't, then the 504 team should be able to help you establish a plan on how to deal with her behavior so that she can be successful in school.

caro100
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:05 PM

 I had a strong willed child, they are definitely a challenge.   All I can say is good luck.  Still taking her trick or treating and not let her do it is sending a very bad message. 

Quoting Anonymous:

shes had 2 evaluations. one by the schools counselor one by an outside child therapist. both said they cant see anything "wrong" other than she chooses not to listen

Quoting caro100:

Yes to cruel. Sounds like dd needs s professional evaluation. SO needs to know this will damage his relationship with his daughter and create trust issues. Plus it is just spiteful.

 

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