I have never been this depressed before. I do not even want to get out of bed. It's not worth it. If I do, then the phone rings and things look even bleaker than a minute ago, it that is even possible.
Dh lost his job, and hasn't found another. Well, to be completely honest, unless the fucking job fairy comes into our house and sits in his lap with a job offer I don't see how he's going to get a job. Sitting home all day telling me, it's all done online now babe, but not actually doing anything other than a half an hour glancing at bogus employment sites that only result in a million telemarketing phone calls to the home phone, does not a job search make. I keep bitching, it doesn't matter.
I am permanantly disabled and can't work at all, believe me I wish I could. The only income is my disability, which doesn't even cover all of the bills. We've applied for FS, so at least my kids will eat, but honestly, it's not much help. I haven't eaten in 2 days, all I've done is cry.
I can't leave. I physically cannot leave. I feel so fucking alone, and so sad. All I do is cry. My poor kids.
I'm not suicidal, lets just say I wouldn't jump in front of a bus, but I wouldn't jump out of the way either.
Just venting. I have no one to talk too. I'm sorry.