Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Df has a drug problem and I don't know how to help

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
2 moms liked this
First off, I don't want to hear that I need to leave him. This is the only issue we have ever had in our relationship. I don't believe in throwing in the towel over something like this. I chose him to spend my life with and so I'm going to do whatever I have to to help him.

Now, we've been together 5 years. We have 2 kids. He's smoked pot since we met and it didn't bother me a whole lot then. But the problem is, he gets caught with it pretty frequently. He's smoked for 10yrs and has been caught 6 times. 3 in the first 3 years we were together. We live paycheck to paycheck so he doesn't really spend much money on it. Usually he smokes when his friends offer. But ALL of his friend are F-ing potheads! Everytime he's been caught while we've been together, he's told me he's quitting. Throws everything out and it only last 2 days TOPS because his friends call him up to see if he wants to smoke so he does because he has nothing else in common with them. They are all a bunch of losers. He has anxiety so meeting new people is a joke. All of my friends are couples but he won't hang out with them because he doesn't know them. And I feel like a third wheel without him so I don't even get to hang out with my friends much. The anxiety he has is just another reason he smokes.
The last time he got caught with it, he actually quit. For 6 months. It's a long story but in the end, he started back up again. Those 6 months were the best of our relationship. He was home a lot more and interacted with the kids more. A couple months ago I told him he had to stop. I was having panic attacks because I was always terrified he would get caught again and it would up root our family. He said he would but, for the first time, he was really crappy about it. Slept on the couch and sent me a video of him flushing what he had. He told me he was fine, but didnt act like he was fine. And he never stopped then. Still hanging out with his loser friends who do it every day. But now he's trying to hide it from me. He's lying and erasing text messages about it. He thinks he doesn't have a problem. Obviously he is dependent to some degree. I've been trying to find work but jobs are hard to come by where I live. I feel like I need a job that pays well enough that I can support my kids and myself the next time he gets busted. I'm still having panic attacks and the stress from this is affecting every aspect of my life. I have no patience with the kids. I find myself screaming over the littlest things. Then breaking down and crying because I know that it's all because I don't know how to help him get off the drugs. And the only issue I have is that its illegal. I've suggested moving to a state where its legal, but he refuses because we would be SO far from family. I don't know what else to do. Has anyone dealt with this? How did you get the other person to accept that they had a problem and get the help they needed?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 3, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:36 PM
Bump
EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:37 PM
3 moms liked this
My ex is a recovering addict. You can't help someone who won't give that little bit to help themselves. I learned that the hard way.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Thanks. Did you split BECAUSE of the drugs?


Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

My ex is a recovering addict. You can't help someone who won't give that little bit to help themselves. I learned that the hard way.

sarasunshine99
by Gold Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:57 PM
1 mom liked this

I would go to an Al-Anon meeting tonight.  It's the perfect (and free) place to start.  Push beyond the fear of walking into the unknown and you will most certainly walkout with so many answers.  Good Luck!  (Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes)

EntrepeneurMom
by The Major on Nov. 3, 2013 at 5:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Half because of the drugs and half because of his behaviour, most if which was caused by the drugs or, not having the drugs. He's a good person, deep down. We're still friends and he keeps me posted on his progress.


Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks. Did you split BECAUSE of the drugs?




Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

My ex is a recovering addict. You can't help someone who won't give that little bit to help themselves. I learned that the hard way.


MomOf3AngelBabe
by on Nov. 3, 2013 at 6:00 PM


Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

My ex is a recovering addict. You can't help someone who won't give that little bit to help themselves. I learned that the hard way.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 3, 2013 at 6:09 PM
Mine is amazing in every aspect except this one. He cooks, cleans, helps with the kids, and works to provide for all of us. I never really noticed how much his smoking affected us until he stopped. If it were legal, I wouldn't care because he could go do it in the garage or something and I wouldn't have to worry about him getting busted anymore. I have debated taking the kids and going to a hotel for a few days so he realizes how serious it is. Not that I want to use the kids as a pawn, but I'm a sahm so they would have to go with me.


Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

Half because of the drugs and half because of his behaviour, most if which was caused by the drugs or, not having the drugs. He's a good person, deep down. We're still friends and he keeps me posted on his progress.




Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks. Did you split BECAUSE of the drugs?






Quoting EntrepeneurMom:

My ex is a recovering addict. You can't help someone who won't give that little bit to help themselves. I learned that the hard way.



Mom2KIL
by Silver Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 6:09 PM
I am sorry but if he was doing this before you guys got married then you knew what you were getting when you married him. With that being said, if you are against leaving then you have to accept that he may never change. I would never raise my children with a pothead but if you choose to stay then you need to learn to cope with it better.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 3, 2013 at 6:11 PM
To me, it's not a big deal to do it when you don't have kids. But now we do. He just needs new friends I guess


Quoting Mom2KIL:

I am sorry but if he was doing this before you guys got married then you knew what you were getting when you married him. With that being said, if you are against leaving then you have to accept that he may never change. I would never raise my children with a pothead but if you choose to stay then you need to learn to cope with it better.

Mom2KIL
by Silver Member on Nov. 3, 2013 at 6:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Right but people rarely change. A child doesn't usually change a man during pregnancy or even after. I would think that the legal trouble would be very expensive. If you already live paycheck to paycheck then he is essentially taking food off of the table. Sometimes doing what is best for your children isn't what your heart wants but as a mother we put our kids needs above our own. Try going to an AA meeting or a counselor but nothing will change if you don't make a choice.
Quoting Anonymous:

To me, it's not a big deal to do it when you don't have kids. But now we do. He just needs new friends I guess


Quoting Mom2KIL:I am sorry but if he was doing this before you guys got married then you knew what you were getting when you married him. With that being said, if you are against leaving then you have to accept that he may never change. I would never raise my children with a pothead but if you choose to stay then you need to learn to cope with it better.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN