I am a married woman... so why the hell do I feel so ALONE?
Things have been rough for us lately. We have almost no income coming in at the moment and things are getting bad. Our electric almost got shut off today but I scrounged up enough money to pay just enough to keep it on. My cell phone is getting shut off tomorrow. Our cable/internet/home phone is getting shut off on the 7th. Our gas is going to be shut off on the 11th. In a few days we're going to run out of diapers, wipes and bottle liners for the baby and I have no clue how we're going to get more. And today it just all hit me like a ton of bricks and I've just been totally depressed all day.
So this evening I finally brought up to DH how I am feeling. And at one point, out of frustration I said "Just shoot me." And he replies with "I would have shot ya already if I had a gun." He says he was just kidding but A- That is not funny and B- Does it look like I'm in the mood for jokes? So then I kind of went off on a mini rant about how he is never there for me. He is not supportive, considerate, caring, etc. He never tries to comfort me or make me feel better and he just wants to kick me while I'm down and make me feel worse. So then he says "Well, sorry but I've been doing stuff with the kids all day and they need me more than you do. You've already been raised. I shouldn't have to tell you something you already know just to 'make you feel better'. Who do you think needs me more? You or the kids?" So he basically said "Fuck you. I'm NEVER going to be thre for you so get over it." At least that's what it felt like, anyway. And anyway... his logic makes no sense ... saying "The kids need me more than you do." Ummm... okay. Yeah, they need attention. Duh. But they are not upset about anything right now. They are kids... they don't even know what's going on, FFS! They are not on the brink of wanting to just blow their brains out. They are not in complete and utter dispair, feeling totally desperate and alone. I AM. I guess he thinks he just needs to be there for the kids and not me...?
Idk but that was just the icing on the cake. After those last few comments he made, I just left and went to the bedroom... which is where I am now... sitting in the dark, crying and venting to you all. I feel so alone.