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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I need help/advice. (so called family)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
Back story.....on the 17th it will make 6 years since I lost my dad. He was a BIG family man. Every weekend we went to his parents and brothers house. Well when he died his parents just stop talking to us. I was 18, and my sisters were 20 and 3. They said my mother killed him on purpose. He passed away by impact from a car accident (my mother was driving)

Well it was a hard situation for me, I was close to my dad. Didn't really get along with my mother. He was the rock of our family and kept it together. When I lost him, I lost a part of myself. It took me years to face the fact he's not coming back. Well his "family" has been the worst I've ever seen. They just shut us out and refused to have anything to do with us. I'm not going to lie, it HURT and still does. But my main concern was my younger sister. She will never know what it's like to have a close family.

Through the years I've tried to reach out and I've been ignored, or they would call me the devil. I will never understand what I did for there to be so much hate. Well my older sister got pregnant and then my aunt sends her a friend request on fb. She found out about it from my uncle (he's not blood). Nobody else got one. Then I got pregnant and what do you know, I get one. I didn't add her. I did send her a message. All it boils down to is she wants to be nosey.

Then this year after no contact with these people my uncle died (one who told them about the pregnancies). We left as soon as we got the call. But we didn't get there in time he was already gone. So we stayed there for a week. Guess who comes over...my dads family. They then acted like everything was ok. Like we are just one big happy family.

They (dads brother and sil) now want to have a relationship with us. I for one refuse. There has been comments made about my children because of their race. I do not and will not tolerate it. So now I'm the bad person. My mother and sister are all for them to come back in their lives. But since I refuse I'm the bad guy. I feel like I'm doing right by my children and myself. Even if there wasn't any racial remarks I still wouldn't.

who's to say they won't walk out again and this time my kids are hurt? What would you do in this situation? I'm starting to second guess myself, thanks to my mother.

Oh I should also add my dads parents still want nothing to do with us.
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:00 AM
BUMP
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:05 AM
BUMP
LilRed2130
by Bronze Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:08 AM
I wouldn't bother with them either. They have already proven what kinda of people they are.
Light.Shine
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I wouldn't want a relationship with them either.  I wouldn't allow myself or my kids to be hurt again if I could do something to prevent it from happening.

HIJKLM
by Ruby Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:21 AM
I'm sorry you've had to go through all this. Just do what you're comfortable with. You don't owe these people anything and if they want you in their lives they need to prove it to you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:22 AM
They are horrible people! But I do talk to my cousins. Now that they are adults and on their own they can't keep them from us. But I want nothing to do with their parents. I feel bad because I wanted my family back. Now that I have a chance I don't want to do it.

Quoting LilRed2130:

I wouldn't bother with them either. They have already proven what kinda of people they are.
abecee
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:25 AM

We all change. None of us are the exact same way we were 8 years ago.  LIfe happens.  I'd give them a chance.  If nothing has been said how do you know how they feel about your children?

CalicoMeezer
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:28 AM
I would be nice, keep it friendly but distant. Cards at Christmas, FB friends, stuff like that. I do believe in forgiveness but the first time my kids got hurt (I mean seriously hurt, not "Nana didn't invite me this time" hurt), that would be the end.

I have a similar situation in my family and my dh's and that's how we handle it.
VicVinegar
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Speaking from experience I can tell you that you will regret not having part of your family in your life. This is the side of the family has connection to your dad. You will be getting a part of him back by having part of his family in your life.

I understand wanting to protect your kids but I honestly think it would greatly benefit them to have more family in their lives. 

Start out slow if it makes you more comfortable. Sit down and talk with them, let them know how you felt/feel. Good luck momma:)

mommy2twoangel
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Start slow.  You wanted a family and to be back together and although it took time, they are coming back.  But no one says it has to be all or nothing.  Start slow and chat every now and then.  Then if you are comfortable, take the next step and visit and so on.  

Quoting CalicoMeezer:

I would be nice, keep it friendly but distant. Cards at Christmas, FB friends, stuff like that. I do believe in forgiveness but the first time my kids got hurt (I mean seriously hurt, not "Nana didn't invite me this time" hurt), that would be the end.

I have a similar situation in my family and my dh's and that's how we handle it.


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