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Have you ever judged another parent on their kids’ appearances?

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:33 AM
  • 96 Replies

Mom Confession: I Feel More Judged on How My Kids Look Now That I'm Single

by The Stir Bloggers

Keeping kids groomed is a pain in the neck -- especially active kids that love to play outside in the dirt and grass, do art projects, and eat pudding. So you know, all kids. That’s why it’s such a cliché for moms to lick their thumbs before wiping the latest shmutz off their kids’ cheeks. Because there’s always something there.

I used to not care quite so much about it. Of course I dolled them up when they needed to be dolled up, and generally tried to keep the tangles out of their hair, but I didn’t dwell on it. Now that I’m a single mom, I’m finding myself trying to keep them more presentable more of the time.

Which got me to wondering … are single parents judged more harshly on their kids’ appearances? Something along the lines of, no wonder your marriage fell apart if you can’t even keep your kids together.

My ex-husband doesn’t seem to be as concerned with the cleanliness level when it comes to our kids. They’re not little Pig-Pens or anything, but they’re usually a little rumpled and definitely in need of a bath by the time I get them back.

I’ve noticed this trend with a few other joint-custody kids at school … they always seem to be a little more polished when they’re in mom’s care than dad’s.

So is there a double standard on keeping kids well groomed for single moms and single dads? I feel like people will just shrug if they're a mess with him, because he's the dad, and grooming of the children is not typically seen as his responsibility. Whereas when they're with me, I feel pressure to keep them presentable to prove that I can still do it even though I don't have a husband to help me.

Or is it just that as women we spend too much time worrying about things we shouldn’t worry about?

Have you ever judged another parent on their kids’ appearances?

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Definitely, but not so much on grooming as in clothing choices. If a kid is wearing a t-shirt with an inappropriate picture or saying, then I am judging the parent for either buying it or allowing it in the house.
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:37 AM
5 moms liked this
Only of they're consistently dirty or look uncared for.
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:41 AM

There are times where I wonder what certain parents use for brains when they choose clothes for their children. One of my daughters has a friend who started wearing heels (2 inch one which, for a child who is on the small side is enormous) all the time at the age of 6 ...

by Sarah on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:42 AM
2 moms liked this
Only if I can tell that the kids are neglected by the way they look. There's no excuse for a child to be dirty from head to toe and be wearing dirty clothes with holes in them. I'm pretty understanding of anything other than that.
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:48 AM
5 moms liked this
To be honest I judge fathers and mothers equally, a parent is a parent regardless of their gender.

If your at home around the house messing about I think a ruffled kid is normal.

But if your in a public place they should look tidy, I'm not saying polished just tidy.

I hate seeing kids with dry and fresh snot full of dirt covering half their face. Dirty smelly outfits and not dressed for the current weather.

No parent should tote their poor kids around like that.
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:52 AM
2 moms liked this

 Absolutely, the care, or lack there of, of your child is a reflection on you as a parent. I don't care if I look messy, but no way would send my child out of the house looking messy. Her face is washed, teeth brushed, hair brushed and clean cloths.

There is a new Mom at DD's bus stop, she seems nice, but her kids (3rd grade boy, 5th grade girl) are always a mess. Their cloths always look dirty and ill fitting, their faces always have food debris on them and their hair is never brushed. Yet the Mom has her hair done, full make-up on and new looking work out cloths on. Every morning I question how a mother could spend so much time obviously tending to her own appearance and not care that her children look so unkept and uncared for!

by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Not so much judge as wonder. One boy in ds's class always has cuts and bruises on his face, I know the kid and that he's a rough kid so it doesn't bother me but I've heard comments.

there was a boy in ds's class a few years back who dressed like a kid out of a magazine. I'm talking pleated pants, button down shirts, perfectly cropped hair, unbelievably perfect. This was a kid in pre school. I didn't judge as much as wonder why his parents tried to hard to make their kid look like a model.
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:02 AM
2 moms liked this

I have an 11 yr old DD who dresses like she lives in the 80's. She is SN and does not care about her appearance at all. I give her full range of how to dress herself.

Clothes are always nice clean clothes, they just never match. Does not bother me at all. If someone wants to judge me/her for it, oh well. I don't care and she sure does not.
by Emerald Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:03 AM

It is human nature too. I then will tell myself I have no clue why the child is really dressed that way. So I have no right to judge.

by LMAO on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:03 AM

Yes I have. 

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