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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

my heart is breaking.... ETA more info... Update 1-6-14

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:33 PM
  • 96 Replies

My husband and I after serious talking and thought have come to the decision that we aren't going to have anymore children. We have one. A daughter, who is everything I've ever imagined and more and I wanted one more to complete our family. But we found out a month ago that he is physically disabled and will most likely become totally blind in the next 10 years. He has something called retinitis pigmentosa. Its a blanket term for any blindness associated with hearing loss. He's also partially deaf and that is also degenerative. By the time he becomes completely blind, his hearing will almost completely be gone.
 Without his income working, we won't be able to afford to bring another child into this world because it wouldn't be fair to our future child or the daughter we already have. So I called and made an appointment to discuss the possibility of getting my tubes tied. I'm on birth control now but it makes me extremely moody, even with a low dosage. I've done research and this seems like the best option. He will continue working until he can't anymore and I will also be working to build up our savings. But my heart is broken because we won't be having anymore children. We are in the process of filing for disability for him and there's no telling how long that will take.

Please no bashing, I know how some of you are in this group. Any words of encouragement are welcome.

UPDATE: 9-18-2013 My appointment was rescheduled due to the disability office scheduling my husband an appointment for further evaluation of his eyes and his ears. They scheduled it the same day as my doctor's appointment about 2 hours away so I called to change mine. Its tomorrow. I'm sad and worried that they won't even DO the surgery since I am only 24 and have only 1 child. Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow please and your prayers if you believe. Thank you!

 

UPDATE AGAIN:

I need to apologize to you all. Thinking about all this that is going on with my husband, and re-reading over the comments and my original post, I just now realized how pathetic this all sounds. How self centered and pathethic *I* am being. I am only giving up the ability to have another child. He is giving up so much more. He is eventually going to go completely blind and deaf. He is giving up his career that he has worked for since he discovered his love of music. (he is a music producer/engineer). Our daughter will be 12 around the 10 year mark which is the prognosis for his complete hearing and vision loss. He isn't going to get to see her walk across the stage at graduation. He isn't going to see the smiles and giggles of our grandchildren. He isn't going to see the person she will eventually marry and size them up as to whether or not they are good enough for his little girl. Our life together isn't over. Yes it is going to change drastically. But we are still going to be together. For better or worse.Thanks again for all the support.

 

UPDATE 1-6-14

I am scheduled to have my surgery on Jan. 29th. Sorry this is so long with all the updates and everything.

 

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:35 PM
Sorry about that.
strongforthem
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:35 PM
14 moms liked this
That is a very responsible decision. I applaud you for being able to make that kind of sacrifice.
EyreFan
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:35 PM

(((Hugs)))

Sometimes the wise decision is still so painful. I'm sorry.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:37 PM
8 moms liked this
Id look into him having a vasectomy easier for everyone
LokisMama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I'm sorry that you're feeling so heartbroken right now, but it is a very responsible decision.

As to the disability thing...when you do go to finally apply, once it becomes necessary, get a lawyer.  It'll make everything so much easier. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Being as you don't know what tomorrow brings, don't get your tubes tied yet...or maybe never at all...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:40 PM

 (((((((HUGS)))))))) What a blow this must be. I have a friend who is going blind (not sure exactly what she has but it is also non-reversible and degenerative) and she is currently taking classes to learn Braille (paid for because she is disabled) and she is going to be going in to a field where she will be working with Braille. Perhaps your husband can look in to careers that are available to blind people, they are out there. This way he will not lose his sense of self worth which sometimes happens when one is disabled.

lilsirsmomma
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Usually cheaper too. Good luck. :(


Quoting Anonymous:

Id look into him having a vasectomy easier for everyone

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:41 PM

That must be a hard decision but you have to do what will be best for you guys. i hope this doesn't sound insensitive but why are you getting your tubes tied? It is far easier for a man to get a vasectomy. God forbid something worse happens than what you both are already going through but if something happened to him you would still be stuck with not being able to have more children should you find yourself in a position to remarry. 

I hope things work out for the best for you.

k8smimi
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 4:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Consider freezing some of his sperm at a sperm bank and then him getting a vasectomy.  You never know what life will be like in the years to come and you may be in the position later to have another child. 

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