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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

MIL and FIL, we will have as many children as we want, if you think it's too crowded, get out! update

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 269 Replies
10 moms liked this

MIL and FL moved in with us over the summer until they could get back on their feet, honestly, I think their plan is to stay forever, which I told DH but she insisted they only needed a few months.

Anyway, I am pregnant again and so excited! This is our 4th baby. We told everyone (the kids and in laws  as well as my parents who came over for dinner) last night. Everyone was excited for us except MIL and FIL who made comments like "don't you think we are already over crowded here?" We have a 5 bedroom, 3.5 bath, 3100 square foot home. Also the room MIL and FIL are in could EASILY be divided into 2 rooms (it is twice as big as the regular bedrooms and even has a door on each side and even 2 closets, it was 2 bedrooms at one point and the people who owned the house before us took down the wall in between to make one big bedroom.)

DH told them we are fine, plenty of room but you could tell he was annoyed. They kept at it though, I snapped a bit and said "well if you are uncomfortable and need more space then you have now, for free, you are more then welcome to leave.

I am so sick of them in our business. Like last week, me and DH were kissing in the kitchen, it's our damn kitchen. MIL pulled me aside later and told me that her and FIL were very uncomfortable with that. I told her that it's our kitchen so we will do what we want. It's not like we were getting it on in the kitchen in the middle of the day or something. She also told me that FIL is uncomfortable with my PJs. Most of them are the Victoria secret ones. They are long sleeve shirts but they down down almost to my knee. I told her if he doesn't like it then he can stay in his room from the time I put my PJs on until I get dressed the next day. It's not just these two things, it happens all the time. They seem to think they have say over what we do in our home. MIL actually has told my DD (10) that she wasn't allowed to practice her flute in her room because FIL was napping. Sorry, 30 minutes of practice per day is her homework for band class. I have also caught them trying to kick my kids out of the living room when they were watching something, despite the fact that MIL AND FIL have a small TV in their room and the kids don't, They just wanted to watch on the big TV. I had to set them straight there, I told my children they could watch TV so they can.

They have already made negative comments about my pregnancy this morning (DH is at work). I really think they need to go. At the very least, I need a nursery for the baby so I am thinking about telling DH that we need to tell them that either they need to move out in the next 4 months or we are going to have a wall put up in the middle of the room they are in  to divide it back to 2 rooms. I mean the baby won't sleep in there at first but we will have to have the crib set up for when he or she does plus a dresser and toy box and it would just be better for all of that stuff to have a room. Plus, what new mom doesn't want to set up a nursery? Yes, I could put the baby in with one of the other kids but since the youngest is 3, that's a big age gap,especially if they aren't the same gender. Plus, why cut his space in half when MIL and FIL already have twice the space he does and it is not our job to provide for them.

I will talk to DH tonight. Something has to change and I will put my foot down on that one. Hopefully they will just move out (FIL still hasn't gotten a new job and MIL has never worked but) but maybe just the prospect of having their space cut in half will be enough for them to realize it's time to move. Wish me luck though I am pretty sure DH will agree with me, at least about dividing the two rooms.

Update

DH called from work and I had to talk to him about this, they are driving me crazy.He said that he agrees they need to move out however, in our state since they have lived with us over 90 days, we have to give them 30 days notice. However seeing as FIL doesn't even have a job and they don't have much in they way of savings, we are going to issue them the 30 days notice tonight BUT we will tell them that they can stay 60 days after that while looking for jobs and saving money. However, since once the 30 days is up, we could legally kick them out, it there is any problems, we will revert to the minimum 30 days. DH and I talked about the major problems we are having with them and set rules for them to follow so that they get the full 90 days.

1. they have no right to tell us or the children what to do. If they are having an issue with soemthing the kids are going, they can talk to me or DH and we will decide what to do If they are uncomfortable with something we are doing, they can leave.

2. they no longer have the right to have their own stuff in our kitchen. They eat the food we buy so they can either share what they buy or don't buy it.

3. no negative comments about our choices, their choices have led them to being homeless, they have no room to offer advice

4. the contractor will be starting work next month, if they are still there,  they are to move all of their stuff to one side of the room so that he can do that.

We are going to sit down with them tonight and lay down the law. Many of you were right that we are letting them get away with too much and it needs to stop.

Update

We sat them down and talked to them. A few things became clear and one of them was that they never intended on moving out (as I thought and told DH). They explained that their social security  income is not enough to cover their cost of living. They didn't save enough for retirement so they don''t have the money they would need to supplement the social security for them to live on. I am sure there are people they can talk to in order to get some help but FIL and maybe even MIL will have to find some kind of part time job in all likely hood.

We laid down the rules and they were not happy about them. They said that they are his parents and the kids grandparents and should not be told what to do. DH pointed out that as parents and grandparents, they shouldn't have to depend on others to provide for them.  We also addressed how they try to tell us what to do, like not making out in the kitchen or not liking my PJs. MIL said "well this is our home for now too and we should be able to feel comfortable" I set her straight right there, "no it is OUR home, we are letting you stay here to keep you off the streets, if you think you will be more comfortable living in your car, be my guest". They are also upset that we will be having the contractor come in and up the wall up next month, cutting their space in half.  We gave them the 30 days notice but we did tell them that if they follow the rules, we will allow them to stay for the whole 90 days but we made it clear that after 30 days, if the break the rules, they are out THAT DAY.They tried to guilt trip DH saying they would never be able to make it on their own but he shut that down.

I have read about so many woman on here who have to put up with nightmare in laws because their DHs have no balls to stand up to their parents, I am so glad my DH isn't like that

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:12 AM

BUMP!

wiener
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:14 AM
10 moms liked this
Good luck , I will never allows my inlaws to move in
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Good, stand your ground! Everyone needs bounderies with the in-laws.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:14 AM

also they live here for free. The only thing they pay for is their stuff (car insurance, gas, cell phones and spending money). They only "help" they give with groceries is when they buy something that they want to eat that I don't normally buy but they expect no one else to touch it and will get mad if someone does, which to me makes no sense.

beaularson91
by Ruby Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:15 AM
3 moms liked this
Oh you have more patience than I do. I would have snapped at MIL.
armywifey1983
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:15 AM
5 moms liked this

Give them a target exit date, and stick to it. You are expanding your family, and its THEM you need to focus on. FIL and MIL are adults, and really need to start acting like it. You and DH can offer to apartment hunt with them if you felt up to it. But the bottom line is your family needs their space, and its high time the in-laws did, too.

emandab
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:15 AM

If you're lucky maybe the threat of having a baby crying in the room right next to them will get them to leave lol.

Devious333
by Ruby Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:16 AM
Yep this.

Quoting wiener:

Good luck , I will never allows my inlaws to move in
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3JuJu3
by Platinum Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:16 AM
3 moms liked this

Dividing the two rooms sounds like a good option.  I would even have them move out of the big room and into one of the smaller rooms and then have two of your kids share the big room.  That way you don't have to bother and expense of dividing the big room up. 

I think it's great that you guys are helping your family (FIL/MIL), but they need to realize that this is your family's home and that you and your dh are the mater and pater familias!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:16 AM
4 moms liked this
Sounds like they are very inconsiderate. I'm sorry they are acting like that. Congratulations on the new baby! I think it's time that they go.....not in 4 months, the 1st of December!
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