... is to take a tranq and an anti-psychotic. I've been having HUGE problems BFing. Nothing to do with LO or supply issues but with me. I become a completely different person while in the act I'm violent, throw things, scream, and have the most awful thoughts of hurting my baby. ONLY while BFing the rest of the time I'm fine. I've talked to two doctors and a therapist and they've all agreed that the safest way for me to BF is to go back on my meds from when I was committed 6 years ago. I have an anxiety and panic disorder though I've been managing un-medicated for years. I've spoken to a LC and the meds are mostly safe.
The thing is these meds turn me basically into a vegetable, I sleep for up to 18 hours a day, can barely walk because they affect my blood pressure (ones a beta blocker), have periods where I just sit staring into space for hours and can't remember doing it. I'm not allowed to drive or work, can barely be left alone while on them. My LC and one of the doctors are saying that I should do this and that 12 months is such a small period of time in the scheme of things. The doctor is even offering to write up the forms so that I can get disability during this time. The thing is I'm so scared of going through this again. I would have to put my 2 1/2 year old in full time daycare and organize for someone to come and check on my 4 times during the day while SO is at work to make sure that I'm feeding and changing the baby.
SO just wants me to go onto formula and leave it at that, and I'm tempted to agree with him. However I don't know if I could live with the guilt of not at least trying.