Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

"dramatic title post" seriously, I'm looking for advice here.

Posted by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 9:56 PM
  • 35 Replies

 He is the 4th child.  My other children are very affectionate kids.  They all give me hugs, and kisses throughout the day.  My 9 yr old will sit next to me and hold my hand, still gives me kisses on the cheek.  My 8 yr old still gives me hugs.. but not kisses ("mom I'm not a baby!")... dd age 6 gives me hugs, kisses, sits on my lap and still cuddles.. the 3 yr old gives hugs and kisses all the time.... they all hug each-other, and everyone else as well.. so yeah..we are a pretty affectionate family. 

But then there is my 5 yr old.. he used to give me hugs and kisses all the time then he started to become more physically distant.. it wasn't like over a month or something... if I look back I would say around 2yrs old. I didn't really notice it then because he was always so busy.. he didn't have time to sit and snuggle, there was always something going on, he was either in play play play mode, or asleep..  

Fast forward to now.. now I cannot get a hug, he pushes me away if I kiss him on the cheek.. he pushes anyone away that tries to hug or kiss him.. he gets mad.  He will let me hold his hand, but that is about it.  It breaks my heart.. like when he is upset and I just want to scoop him up and love on him.. he won't let me do that. Now, he will snuggle withthe cats and dogs.. but no one else.  he will have long conversations with me and he can talk to me about his feelings. He also constantly tells me, its not okay for him to cry. He says he doesn't like to cry.  The other day he started talking about one of our cats that passed away this year. His eyes teared up.  I told him its okay to cry, he said NO its not okay to cry, and tried really hard to stop.  Dh came to talk to him and told him it was a good thing to cry when we are sad and tried to hug him, which just made ds mad.   He has seen his dad cry, and papa cry. So its not like he doesn't see grown men. 

I don't understand why he is like this.  We do have him in a developmental preschool.. he was going through some sever separation anxiety and didn't want me to leave his side for about a year.. he seems to be over that now.  And its been suggested by the developmental specialistthat he might have an attention disorder, which I have suspected and we work with him on it, and it really doesn't impact his ability to function in preschool.

I know this is long, but does anyone else have a child like this...  Its just breaking my heart that I cannot just give him a hug, and it has begun to really cause me lots of concern.  Should I be talking to the developmental specialist at the school about my concerns (we have a meeting next Friday for progress review), or should I make an appt with his doctor?  Am I just being oversensitive.. dh says I'm not.. but dh is more of a huger then me, so I'm not sure if my judgment is skewed and I'm having a hard time accepting that he is not an affectionate person?


Edit.. I am sorry in advance for the incoherent paragraphs.. my mind is a mess, and I've been up with sick kids off and on for two weeks and I think I'm losing my ability to mentally function!

by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 9:56 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:02 PM


by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:05 PM


by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:18 PM


by Morsmordre on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:21 PM

I'm sorry mama, mine are all still lovey dovey. :/ Here's a bump though. I hope you figure out what's going on with your little man.

by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:23 PM

I have a dd that is like that.  I have to beg her for a hug, literally. He knows you love him momma

by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Some kids are just like that....however id like to know exactly what the school did for his separation anxiety. My gut it telling me this is something he has been told/learned.
by on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:27 PM
Have you considered that your love language could be physical touch and his something completely different? Also, not everyone likes to be hugged or touched. On my mom's side of the family, they all have their 'space bubbles' and all prefer not to be touched. On my dad's side, they are all very touchy feely.
by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I really have no advice. I was a lot and am still to this day like your son in some ways. My oldest(7yrs) is a snugly kid and I have to constantly fight myself to sit and hug or cuddle with him. I have never been diagnosed with anything though.
by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:36 PM

I was a child like him.  I have never enjoyed a lot of physical touch with other people and have a really large personal space.  My Mom says I stopped hugging her at around age 2-3.  I will, however, snuggle with animals for hours.  They bring me peace and calming. I am also an introvert and have heard similiar stories and experiences form other introvert friends.  

Odds are your son is perfectly normal.  

by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 10:38 PM
.... I don't know you or your kid, so I'm not judging, really I'm not. But don't jump to conclusions about what might be wrong with your kid. Everyone is different. Just because he isn't what you want him to be doesn't mean there is something wrong with him.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN