Dh and I have been married for 3 years. Before we got married he got into a really bad accident. We were in different states at the time. I rushed back to be with him and took care of him. I was 6 months pregnant with our first. 2 months later we got married. Everything was going great or so I thought. Dh started getting abusive. Its like a switch was flipped and afterward it was flipped off. He would never remember what happened or what he did. He would always apologize and say it would never happen again but it always did and always the same. He wouldn't remember doing anything or sayin anything. For two years this went on. Its been almost a year since the last time. I'm so afraid it will happen again. Several times I have nearly taken the kids and left. Each time I believed that it would never happen again and would make up some reason I shouldn't leave.
I want to be happy again. I want to live without fear of if he will hit me again and once again not remember. I want a relationship where I can trust that I won't be hurt. I want to leave but I can't seem to do it. I have found someone who makes me happy and is willing to wait until I am truly ready before we have a relationship. I am truly greatful for his friendship.
How do I get past my guilt of wanting to leave and be happy? How do I trust him after all this? I guess I just needed to vent.